chapter 3

Jungkook carefully shuffled closer and put his arm around Taehyung’s torso under the covers. In the past he had been shy about touching his hyungs, but as the years had gone by and the group had gotten closer, he felt comfortable with them. He knew exactly what they needed. When Taehyung didn’t move, he put his leg around Taehyung as well. Taehyung slowly opened his eyes to look at him. Jungkook smiled mischievously at him. This made Taehyung break into a smile as well. “Are you ok, Kook?”, Taehyung whispered. Jungkook should be asking him that. Instead Jungkook answered “Yeah, I was just feeling a little lonely tonight, I wanted some cuddles.’. Taehyung laughed. “You are so cute”. Taehyung turned to his side and put his arms and leg over Jungkook as well.

It was silent for a while and all that could be heard was their soft breathing. Jungkook wasn’t sure whether Taehyung had already fallen asleep. “You smell nice”. Taehyung broke the silence. “Yeah?”, Jungkook asked. “You smell like lavender. It’s that shampoo you use, isn’t it? The smell makes me feel drowsy. “. Jungkook is very particular about smell and always makes sure to use either unscented or good smelling shampoos, soaps and perfumes. His hyungs found it very endearing how meticulous he was, even carefully chosing his laundry detergent. Taehyung dug his nose into Jungkook shirt and took an exaggerated sniff. “Aaahhhh”, he sighed. Jungkook giggled at Taehyung’s antics. “I feel like I am back on the farm, back home”, Taehyung said after a pause. Jungkook waited for him to continue. But nothing came. Taehyung was still facing his chest. His breathing sounded laboured. Jungkook moved his hand upwards, from Taehyung’s back to his hair. He started softly stroking the longer hairs at the back of his head and pressed Taehyung to his chest softly. They stayed like that for a few minutes.

He suddenly felt a certain coldness on the t-shirt he was wearing. He realized it was wet. It didn’t take him long to figure out that it was caused by Taehyung’s tears soaking through his clothes. Taehyung didn’t make a sound. Jungkook slowly stopped stroking Taehyung’s hair. Taehyung tensed up. “I-I am s-sorry, Kook”, Taehyung’s voice sounded small, like he could hardly breathe. Taehyung tried to slip from Jungkook’s embrace without meeting his eyes. Jungkook held him in his place by firmly placing his hand on Taehyung’s back. “What’s wrong, hyung?”, Jungkook asked, ignoring his apology. “I’m sorry, northing's wrong, let’s just go back to sleep, I am sorry about your shirt, you know, allergies….”, Taehyung babbled. Jungkook started softly stroking his back and gently shushed him. That seemed to calm down Taehyung. “Hyung, I know you are hurting. Please tell me what is wrong. I want to help you. I can’t stand seeing you sad.”. Taehyung took a deep breath. “Please, hyung?”, Jungkook pleaded once more. “O-okay”, the older said, voice wavering. “I-I, had a fight. W-with my brother.”

Jungkook spoke with Taehyung the entire night. Taehyung told him about the fight he had had with his brother over the phone. He does not even remember what the fight was about. All he remembers from the phone call where the last words his brother had uttered to him. His brother had told him that Taehyung is a terrible older brother and that he only thinks about himself. That it often felt like he had no older brother at all. Taehyung knew realistically that his brother had not meant it, he was mad at him at that moment, but the words still stung. Taehyung is someone who is very family oriented. He dearly loves his parents, his grandparents and also all his siblings. This fight with his brother had bothered him a lot. He had not seen his brother for months and when he finally got to call him, things turned sour. The words his brother said to him made him think about his relationship with his hyungs. He was closer with his hyungs than he ever was with his siblings. Taehyung confessed to Jungkook that he feels like he is always on the receiving end of these relationships. His brother might have had a good point. Jungkook wanted to protest, but he let Taehyung tell his story. Taehyung said he especially felt sorry towards Jungkook and Jimin. Especially Jimin. Jimin did everything for him and he could not take care of Jimin. Meanwhile, Jungkook is younger than he is, yet here he is helping him. Jungkook felt pained hearing his hyung speak like that about himself, but he still waited patiently for Taehyung to finish.

Taehyung explained why he was crying on the sofa that day. Jimin and he were in the practice room that day. Taehyung had fallen down and Jimin had helped patch him up and taken care of him. While Jimin was bandaging his arm, Taehyung noticed a huge blue area on Jimin’s ankle. He knew that Jimin had been practicing before he had joined him and apparently Jimin had sprained his ankle before. Yet he had continued the dance practice. Taehyung felt so insanely guilty towards Jimin that he had avoided his gaze the entire day after that. On the sofa, sitting with Jungkook, Jimin and Yoongi, he was so overcome with guilt, he had let his tears fall from his face. He really was like a big baby, just a burden to everyone.

The day after that, when Jungkook had handed Jin the phone to let him speak to his brother, Taehyung had walked away, because he could not bear to hear the word ‘brother’, Jungkook realized that now. Taehyung had stopped speaking. He took a deep breath. “I am so sorry for being like this, Jungkook”.

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