again

Saturday came and Jungkook awoke with his mind in a daze. And it was only until sleep wore off that he was able to remember what day it was.

He had spent the entire week thinking of her, hoping that maybe she was doing the same. He’d been an idiot to not ask for her number, because it meant their meetings would depend entirely on her mood and if she felt some compulsion to come, whereas if he’d had her number, initiation lay in his hands instead.

Being at somebody’s whim was new for Jungkook, the feeling was sweet and sour all at once and felt faintly like the dizzying sensation of a first love.

He got out of bed and made himself breakfast, but most of his morning was spent zoning out and touching his lower lip in idle thought.

He finished cleaning up after himself and delved into his closet aimlessly, eventually deciding on a plain black v-neck and jeans – hopefully it would end up spattered in paint.

He bit his lip to keep himself from smiling as he went to step out of the house, but before he left he remembered your fondness for the red wine you’d had the last time you were over, such a fondness in fact that you’d managed to finish what was left of the bottle.

He couldn’t stop the giggle that formulated as he walked into his kitchen and grabbed a good bottle from his cupboard, quickly shoving it into a bag.

Leaving the house he conjured silent prayers to anything, in hopes that you’d come.

 A loud ringtone eased you out of your sleep, and you rolled over with a groan, sliding to accept and putting it on loud speaker, too tired to keep it to your ear.

“Hello?” you mumbled, face half eaten by your pillow.

“Good morning sleepyhead!” Erica’s tone was chipper on the other end, and like always it had a sense of contagiousness and you didn’t feel quite so tired anymore.

“Hi babe, what’s up?” You sniffled and rubbed at your eye, sitting up frumpily.  “What’s the time anyway?”

“11” She laughed on the other end “I miss you, let’s get lunch!”

You bit your lip, “Erica… I promise to get lunch with you tomorrow if you don’t make a scene when I tell you why I have to take a rain check.”

She gasped over the line “elaborate!”

You paused thoughtfully,

“I met someone…sort of…not really the way you might be thinking but” You sighed a little “I can’t stop thinking about him” You laughed weakly at the end

“Oh my god, WHERE?” Erica couldn’t contain her excitement “You’ve never really liked anyone, you’ve always just gone with the flow you know, we’ve been friends for 5 years and this is the first time you’ve ever said anything like this to me!” She blathered on

You laughed sweetly at her theatrics, she was being over-dramatic, you’d had crushes before and dated people casually but nothing had ever really sparked.

Maybe she was right, now that you thought about it. Perhaps that was why dating had never worked out – there was never any proper feeling involved, it had always been one sided on their half.

That, and they always wound up ending things with you anyway because you were too opinionated.

It was your turn to suffer with what might be unrequited feelings, no matter how small they were.

All you could do was muster a hum in quiet agreement.

“Hello?! I asked you a question, I know you’re zoning out right now.” You snapped out of it quickly

“Oh…” you had to tread carefully, Erica had a big mouth and if you let her in on too much Jungkook’s anonymity could be jeopardized. “We met at the art gallery”

“Wow” Erica mused “So he’s an art fan too?”

You couldn’t hold back a smile, trying very hard not to let it seep into your tone “I guess you could say that.”

“And is he handsome?” She sounded like she didn’t care about his art fanaticism, and this was her original intent of questioning.

You could almost hear her eyebrow raise and the cheeky grin that would have overtaken her features,

“Deadly.” You deadpanned straight into the phone

She laughed into the line, “Alright. I’m sold, and letting you off the hook. See you tomorrow at noon, love you!”

She abruptly hung up, probably to call every other friend you had in order to spread news and joy of your lost and recently rediscovered womanhood.

Your head was screaming at you to fall back into the comfort of your pillows but the pull of your heart was stronger – and it elicited all sorts of reactions from your body, a fluttering stomach and warm cheeks were only some of the symptoms.

So got up you did, and you couldn’t stop yourself from humming as you went about your morning in preparation of what was to come.

It was just past 11.30am when Jungkook started to give up hope. He sat in front of his canvas but his mind was elsewhere as he chewed on his lower lip in thought. Although to be fair, not everyone was as early a riser as he was; so perhaps pessimism was rearing its ugly head.

It was almost at that exact instant he heard a buzzing noise, and he shot up so quickly he knocked over his palette and sent it toppling to the floor. He looked down at it momentarily but paid it no further thought – and walked over to the electronic speaker to the side of the door, he leaned over to press the button to tell her to come in but her voice came through first instead.

“Jungkook?”

He bit his lip. Her voice was in static but it still managed to sound so sweet and honey-like that he almost forgot to press the button to let her in. He became so suddenly consumed with the thought of wanting to hear her voice all the time.

He pressed the button back and spoke into the mic, “Yeah. Come in.”

Did that sound too cold? He hoped not – he was just trying to conceal his delight, hopefully not at the cost of sounding mean. 

He pressed a button to open the electronic door in the foyer and waited, not going down to meet her this time. Instead he stayed planted, standing there by the door.

And as if she’d sensed his impatience, she must have spent no time loitering because he heard a knock at the door very quickly, sending his heart into overdrive.

He wasted no time opening it, and when he saw her standing there in a summery little dress, with cheeks a little dewy from the heat of the sun, it confirmed his suspicions. The realisation hit full force like a slap to the face.

He’d developed a crush.

When their eyes met she smiled up at him, it was a short smile – he couldn’t help but return it, hoping his face wasn’t going red.

Around women he was usually very calm and aloof, some might even say stoic – but for some god forsaken reason he couldn’t keep his resolve around this one.

Realising he might have stood there staring for too long he jumped back into reality, “Sorry! Please, come in.”

She giggled a little and walked past him, giving him a moment to catch his breath as he followed behind, shutting the door gently.

“Can I get you anything? Some water?” He asked as he watched her take a seat in a chair, splaying out comfily as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be here.

She shook her head, small smile lacing her features “No thank you, Jungkook.”

He loved it when she said his name, it sounded so special coming from her.

“Okay.” He whispered gently into the air, walking over to his seat in front of the canvas. He picked up the palette that had clattered to the floor and cleaned it up with a cloth, applying fresh dollops of various colours to it.

He stared at the blank canvas in front of him, deciding to leave the first painting he’d started the other night she’d visited. He wanted to test his limits, see just what kind of variations in art styles her presence alone could elicit.

That night had been mysterious, she was a beautiful enigma, but by the end of it he felt shaken to the core and the feeling had spilled onto the canvas.

However, today’s Y/N was refreshing and sweet, and it was all new to him. He wanted to paint in the baby blues of the sky and the colour of her irises. 

The colours on the palette were warm, like her. He knew instantly that he was making a mistake, deriving inspiration from her like this. Because he’d done it before – and the ending wasn’t pretty.

He paused for a moment, setting his palette and brush down.

How selfish of him to ask a girl to be his muse, only to then not want to paint, but rather listen to her blather away about her week – about the things that he’d missed since he’d seen her last.

“How was your week?” He murmured, moving his chair away from the canvas so he could look at her properly, before sitting back down and clasping his hands together and leaning forward, so he could hear her better.

She crossed her legs and sat up a little straighter, “It was bearable, except for one awful constant.”

Her face turned a little sour and he revelled in how cute it looked scrunched up in distaste like that – he hoped she’d never make a face like that about him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jungkook treaded carefully, watching the emotions play on her face.

She laughed a little bitterly “Of course I do, it’ll be like… letting out poison from my system.”

She sighed softly before continuing, “There’s this man at my work named Robert, mid-way into his 60’s but still deluding himself that he’s 40 or something…” She waved her hand “Anyway he’s a massive pervert and takes great pleasure in sexually harassing me and I’m too afraid to bring it up because he’s a valued senior in the company and I’m…” her tone fell off at the end, “Not.”

Jungkook couldn’t stop the frown that made its way to his face “What does he do to you, what kind of things?” His tone was laced in concern with a frightening edge of anger.

“He…” Y/N looked away “He’s always saying lecherous and suggestive things to me, really sexually charged stuff that he thinks is subtle but it never is. He leers at my body openly even when he’s right in front of me; prevents me from leaving rooms by blocking the door with his body and I…” She shook her head, as if she was trying to rid herself of the memories that made her so deeply uncomfortable “…Jungkook do you think I’m reading too much into this?”

Jungkook shut her down the moment she said it, “No.” His tone was resolute “You…You’re a clever girl, so so clever... do you want me to get rid of him?” Jungkook met her gaze

She laughed weakly, “Sweet man. What could you do?”

“One of my best friends is a lawyer in one of the top firms in the city – Namjoon – he’d dig up anything and everything there is to know about this man and find some way to turn it against him.” Jungkook sounded sure, but his sureness came from a deep and profound knowledge of his best friends, he wasn’t making empty threats, his friend really could ruin anybody.

She bit her lip, “Tempting, really. If it ever escalates I’ll let you know but I want to see what I can do with my own power first.” She uncrossed her legs and leaned back, clearly feeling relaxed again.

“You know what the most pathetic part is though, Jungkook?” She whispered, setting her eyes to the roof “He’s made me hate everything about the male gaze; the only way I was able to get through this week without going insane was because I was thinking about you.”

Jungkook’s stomach flipped at her words, and rendered him speechless for a moment. She continued even in his silence.

“I thought about your gaze, and how it made me feel. Your gaze excites me, but it also calms me down – it makes me feel an array of emotions but none of them are ever unpleasant.” She smiled, but still didn’t look his way, hoping her face wasn’t betraying the way she felt.

How could she say such romantic things nonchalantly, so unfazed?

“How is that pathetic?” Jungkook spoke up but his voice was low

“That I needed one man’s gaze to wash away the disgusting feelings of another’s” She laughed softly, finally turning to face him.

“Well.” Settled Jungkook, “You have my full permission to use anything about me to disinfect your brain of any disgusting thoughts from this point on. My eyes,” He used his index finger to point to them, “My lips, my torso, and my thighs, all of it.” His finger followed each respective body-part, and the act alone set Y/N into fits of laughter.

The two of them shared a moment, and after the come down Y/N turned to Jungkook, “Why haven’t you asked me where I work yet?”

Jungkook wiped at the corner of his eyes, “I thought it might be rude, I’d hoped you’d tell me at your own time.”

“Oh” she hummed, “I’m a writer. I write for a magazine.” She said it so simply, wondering why she’d never brought it up before despite knowing Jungkook’s profession.

He blinked, oh, so she was a writer. It explained her aptitude for words.

“Do you… enjoy what you do?” He wasn’t sure if he was asking her or asking himself.

She nodded “Mm. I love it.”

The two of them fell into comfortable silence for a moment or two, before Y/N spoke up again, “Hey Jungkook, can I paint you?”

His eyes widened “Huh? Paint me?”

She grinned “Yeah I thought it might be funny, my lack of talent and all.”

He cocked his head to the side at the girl, thinking over her peculiar offer. He’d never been painted before; it was always him who sat with the brush in his hand, subject matter in front of him.

He chewed his inner lip, “Alright. You’re on.”

She clapped excitedly “Yay!”

Jungkook had already stood up and went over to the corner of his studio, picking up an idle art apron, which was covered in its share of old paint.

He walked over towards her and signaled for her to stand up, which she obeyed. Jungkook helped her put the apron over her head, their innocent closeness sending shivers throughout him. Once it was over her head he moved to stand behind her, tying the back into a bow. He lingered a few moments longer than he needed to, watching her form.

“Done.” he whispered into the back of her hair, before moving to stand in front of her again. He noticed that a shy smile had overtaken her features and felt suddenly endeared by it.

“Thanks” She whispered back, “Now take a seat!” she shooed him off with her hands, spinning him and pushing the small of his back into the direction of the chair.

“Alright, alright.” He laughed, taking a seat.

Y/N went and took a seat on the chair in front of the canvas, and Jungkook’s eyes followed her every movement. She picked up a clean brush first, before looking through the tubes of paint and practically squirting every colour that was there onto the palette.

Jungkook stifled his laughter at the action and avoided eye contact.   

She sat with a thoughtful expression on her face for a moment, and Jungkook noted to himself that he would paint when she’d left. It felt too much a waste of her company to spend it that way.

“Alright” She held up her paintbrush and closed one eye, pretending she knew what she was doing.

It took all of Jungkook’s willpower not to burst into laughter at her antics.

“Strike a pose.” She murmured

Jungkook leaned back and placed a hand on his head, smiling gently as he did.

“Hmm, no. That looks ridiculous,” She waved her free hand “next.”

He placed a hand to his hip and elongated his leg, earning a snort from the girl.

“Absolutely not, next.”

He rolled his eyes and sat up straight, leaving his hands clasped in his lap. Smile suddenly leaving his face to be replaced with a smirk “How about this?”

Y/N giggled a little, as if noticing the flirtatious shift in his nature. “That’ll do. Don’t move!”

He obeyed and kept his pose, wondering what was going on in that pretty little head of hers as she brought the brush to canvas. His eyes never left her figure.

After around 10 minutes of following her command he began to grow restless. As if sensing this, Y/N swiped a few more times around the canvas for effect and whispered a “Voila!”

Jungkook sighed in pleasure, standing up and stretching his legs a little, before meeting her gaze. It was a little scrunched up as if she was trying to keep from laughter, her eyes glazed over – they looked like they were sparkling.

“What?” He murmured, curious. 

“Nothing.” She hummed back. “Are you ready to see? You’ll want to change career paths once you’ve seen it, I have ended you.”

Jungkook bit his lip to keep from a smile, “Is that so? Let’s see then.”

She beckoned him over with her fingers and he had to shake away the dirty thoughts before they even had a chance to formulate properly. He walked over and when he looked at the canvas his lips fell agape.

Y/N watched out of the corner of her eye to gauge his reaction – and she burst into laughter when he said nothing at all.

Jungkook wasn’t sure of what to say – he didn’t know whether to laugh along with her or to bend over and make their lips meet.

The canvas was adorned in splotched colours with a barely there depiction of what looked to be him, but more closely resembled a stick figure, he duly noted. Around the stick man she had written in black with a thin brush, the words;

‘I can’t paint for shit Jungkook – but you look so handsome sitting there’

Were scribbled around the focal point of the image.

Her laughter had surmounted to breathy gasps by this point, she had her head in her hands, laughing into them.

“Jungkook I’m sorry!!” The sound came out muffled

He shot her a faux glare, picking up the canvas with one hand and holding it above her head, she reached up for it but he held it higher.

“I’m keeping this.” He stated matter-of-factly, his heart pounding.

And he did.

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