through his eyes

You sat and watched Jungkook's eyes disappear into a smile as his melodious laughter rang throughout the room at something you'd said. That laughter of his was far too contagious, it's childlike and mellifluous sound stirred a feeling within the pit of your stomach that was hard to name. 

You were into your second glass of wine, which meant that your answers to all of his probing questions had become far more honest, and you'd begun to skirt around the edges less and less. If he thought the tipsy you was funny, it made you glad, because it meant that he found the real, unabashed you funny. It warmed your heart and allowed yourself to ease yourself into his company, though you hadn't known him long you felt the two of you were connected somehow. 

His smile was so wide and beautiful, you thought, wanting to steal the brush from his long fingers and paint him instead. How unfortunate that he was fated to be the painter and not the painted. 

At some point during the night he had begun painting, and although you weren't sure what, you didn't ask for fear of pulling him out of whatever creative development he had going on. He dipped his brush into the water jar next to him, effectively cleaning it before drying it meticulously and leaving it laying on a paint covered towel on his table off to the side. 

He looked so wonderful with concentration written all over his face, maybe even a little sexy you dared admit to yourself. Then, as if his own thoughts were connected your very own, his gaze flicked upwards and met yours. You didn't bother trying to avert your eyes, he'd already caught you - and he seemed to like it. 

"Aren't you curious about what I'm painting?" There was something teasing laced in his voice

"Deathly." You admitted, stiffing a sigh "But I was holding back."

Something shifted in his gaze then. "Don't do that," he chided gently "hold back...when you're with me."

You nodded, noticing the light fragility in his voice "Okay. I won't do it again. What are you painting, Jungkook?"

He smiled, then. "I'm painting something that feels warm and familiar..." he trailed off "but without the pretension."

You bit back a quip as you leaned back into your seat, head dizzy and buzzing in the afterglow of wine. The fucker was speaking in tongues. 

"Without the riddles?" You whimpered

"Isn't it more fun this way?" He retaliated, laughter in his voice "You're a mystery to me so can't I be one to you too?" 

"Mystery?!" You scoffed, bringing your hand up to your mouth in faux shock "Jungkook we've known each other for one whole entire day. You got me drunk! I even told you my favourite song! There's nothing more to know." You exaggerated

This set him off into a fit of laughter, filling the space between the two of you. "Alright, Alright." He finished giggling before speaking again "But let me have this one mystery - you can see it once it's finished."

"And when do you think it'll be finished?" You asked idly, raising your eyebrow.

"Whenever I want it to be." He smirked, but you missed it because your eyes were too busy scanning the room. What you didn't miss however was that one-of-a-kind teasing tone of his.

"Cheeky shit." You laughed gently, standing up and walking over to a painting that lay lopsided on the floor that had managed to capture your drunken interest.

Jungkook said nothing and simply watched you, as you crouched down and tilted your head to look at it properly. He wondered why an unfinished piece of his that lay discarded to the floor had caught your eye, but he didn't press further and just kept his eyes on you. 

"Is this unfinished?" Y/N murmured, garnering his interest further "Why? It's pretty." 

Lost in his thoughts for a moment, he didn't reply, but eventually came to his own conclusion. "I lost inspiration for it, I guess." 

"You guess?" She replied, spinning around to face him before standing up again, albeit a little wobbly "You start something off so beautifully and powerfully and then it's nothing more than an 'I guess?'" 

Jungkook really didn't know what to say in response to that. He was notorious in his own mind for giving up on things the moment he felt nothing from them anymore.

"You might as well just burn them, Jungkook. You're keeping yourself caged in this room full of unfinished shit that clearly once made you feel something." Y/N sniffed, and there was something ridiculously beautiful about the indifference on her face. Jungkook wanted to laugh but he knew it would be inappropriate. She wasn't praising him, she was insulting him in the most subtle, shameless way possible. 

Telling an artist to burn his own art. 

She started walking over to him and the way the low ambient light of the studio ran over her face made his breath hitch. She stood in front of the canvas and looked down at him, staring him dead in the eye. "And this?" her finger brushed the top of the canvas "What will you do with this? will you finish it?"

Jungkook still couldn't find words, he just stared up at her with his big eyes hoping she'd drop it and stop scrutinizing him. She didn't however, she continued. 

"I don't know what goes on in that brain of yours, Jungkook" She reached out and ruffled his hair affectionately, fingers running through his locks and his eyes fluttered shut involuntarily at the touch. He leaned back, sighing contentedly at the feeling. "But you ought to give yourself more credit - you're quite good really."

He still said nothing

"Better than good. I felt more in 10 seconds of looking around that gallery opening than I felt studying about hundreds of old dead artists in my high school years."

His interest was finally piqued, although his eyes remained shut, and still she finished on "You work has movement, Jungkook. So why are you still at such a standstill?"

He felt himself grow tired, her hand was still patting his hair as she spoke - he found her nagging peaceful, as though it had been a while since he'd been put in his place. Y/N's warm hand traveled down to his cheek "Think about it okay? It's late, I'm going home."

Y/N retracted her hand and turned to leave but Jungkook grabbed her wrist and opened his eyes, meeting her gaze. "I'll walk you home. It's late." 

She nodded and Jungkook stood up, hand desperately wanting to cling to the warmth of her wrist, but he let go in order to collect his keys before leading her out of the apartment.

------

The air outside was crisp and a little chilly for a spring night, so Jungkook, being the gentleman he was offered the girl a jacket. She politely declined however, insisting that her blouse was enough and that Jungkook himself needed to keep warm. 

He kept thinking about why his heart felt so full after just one nights worth of conversation with this person. Why the simple sounds of her feet hitting the pavement in the quiet night, or the soft sounds of her breathing elicited such a foreign feeling of happiness within him.  

She'd been the first to acknowledge his awful habit of giving up - but she never pressed him as to why he did so. She was respectful in all her confrontation - and she was as honest as she was beautiful. He liked that, he truly and deeply liked it. 

He broke the silence in the air "I'm going to finish that painting."

She hummed a little as they walked "Reason why?"

He didn't have to think about it for long, "I don't want to give up on it."

Jungkook wondered whether she would ask more, he hoped she wouldn't though because his cheeks were heating up, despite the cool night breeze. 

"Give up on what." 

Ahh. 

"This feeling." he laughed a little in embarrassment, and the rest of the walk was spent in a pleasant, comfortable sort of silence between them. 

Upon reaching Y/N's apartment building, Jungkook felt his heart dip a little. He wished the walk would have been longer. 

"This is me," She murmured, a smile on her face. "I'd invite you in for coffee but it's an ungodly hour and no-one drinks coffee at this time."

Jungkook shook his head "You don't need the formalities with me. I-" he bit his lip "I want to thank you." 

She tilted her head to the side in mild confusion "For what?" 

'For waking up dormant emotions within me that have halted my work for months' Jungkook fought back an eye-roll at his thoughts that he knew would never be spoken.

"For coming...tonight" 

Say more, say more idiot!

A sweet smile lit up Y/N's face and suddenly the idea of saying more was forgotten and all he could see was that.

"It was my pleasure! I had so much fun - you're great company to be around." her voice was so melodic.

I am? 

"I am?" 

Oops. He let the words slip out of his surprise.

"Some of the best I've had in a very long time," She paused, leaving the two of them just standing there looking at each other "My honesty usually scares people off, so thank you for not despising me for it."

Jungkook's eyes widened. Scared people off? Well it wasn't the first time the human race had shocked him out of sheer stupidity, but for anyone to avoid someone so pretty and authentic because of her bluntness was ridiculous.  

"Despise you?" Jungkook couldn't believe his ears "Couldn't even if I tried." he replied, shaking his head - before his gaze fell back to where it belonged - which was on her face. 

A wide smile graced Y/N's face and suddenly Jungkook didn't know what breathing was.

He wanted to leave then and there to avoid whatever sputtering was about to take place from his behalf but she eased it on for him, "I had a wonderful time, really. I'll come back next weekend okay"

All he could manage was a nod and an awestruck stare.

"Goodnight Jungkook." and with that she turned on her heel and into the building with no final looks or waves, much to Jungkook's relief. He didn't think his stony little heart could handle any more movement. 

When she was out of sight and Jungkook could tell she'd made it in safely he set back on his way home, but not before letting out a long breath he'd been holding in unknowingly. His walking pace was brisk and his mind was befuddled. 

He couldn't fight the smile ghosting its way to his lips and even in the dark cool night, cold enough to make Jungkook wrap his jacket a little closer to him, he still felt warm. He felt warmth in his cheeks and his stomach, a feeling so deeply pleasant that he almost wanted to chastise himself for feeling this way after only a day of knowing this woman. She was just so pleasant. Her aura was contagious, to such a point that even this usually aloof, stoic man couldn't fight it's infectious nature. She made him want to be better - not only to himself but to the people around him, too. 

'I'd pay good money just to have her scold me' he thought idly to himself, before ruffling the back of his hair and furrowing his eyebrows together 'wait is that perverted? it's kind of perverted'

'...Ahh whatever'.

You made it up to your apartment, fully sobered up by the chilly wind juxtaposed with Jungkook's warm gaze. You wondered if he even realized the way he looked at you. Beautiful, beady eyed fucker.

You wondered if maybe every brick you chipped away at of his he would just put another one up in it's place. Maybe, if you were lucky, in the next 7 billion years this strange man would look at you with clear eyes unclouded by his past. He probably thought he was good at hiding it but he was very much an open book to you, and it became increasingly obvious after seeing the stunning disarray of his art collection. Even drunk, you could tell that behind each unfinished painting and unspoken word of his there was something more - something unpleasant. But you liked today, you liked it so much you began to crave more of it even despite knowing you'd have to suffer through a weeks worth of work just to reach it. 

How exciting, for every weekend to become a new mystery. What kind of Jungkook would you meet, what would he say, what would he get you to do, what kind of look would he have in his eyes? It all fascinated you - you wanted more of his company. 

One thing that was clear to you was that Jungkook was using you as a distraction. He seemed genuinely happy with your presence but perhaps it was only because you were medicine for whatever wounds he was hiding. You could bare with it for now, since you too were using him as a means for your own satisfaction and curiosity, but once that wore off...

And what if, you really started to like him, what then? Would the fun and excitement of it all wear off into misery? The answers lay in your meetings, which would only occur on weekends. 

The two of you, and what you meant to each other and would eventually mean to each other was a puzzle waiting to be solved. 

... 

After getting ready for bed you lay, head sunk into the pillows staring up at the ceiling trying to make sense of everything. You saw Jungkook's smile in your head on repeat before you let sleep consume you. 

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