Unremoveable scars inside a lonely heart

When my brother fell alseep at his room, both of my parents asked me what happened. I explained truly without a lie. But i received a series of questions like why I let him play on the bridge, or etc. I was sad because they thought I was lying.

Mom and dad might think I did something to little brother no matter how much I cried saying that it was an accident. I was scared. I received beating from parents, they never beat me until this time. What I sad most was that they thought I was lying. From that day, I realized that I needed to stay better in order to get the parents' good side again.

At the same month, my exam marks were getting lower than previous months. Again, I was scolded by mom because of lower marks. I swear that I would try harder to get the top position at school.

Time was passed, little brother became spoiled, stubborn and playful child. He always wanted to fight or argue with me. I started calling him his name, Jonh, instead of calling nickname little brother. I admitted that Jonh was a smart child. He could answer the questions quickly from his class. I loved Jonh but I still felt that he was one barrier between me and parents.

The better I tried for lessons, the more I felt isolated to the family. Dad was working almost all the times, mom was with Jonh. I spent most of my time studying and improving myself. Class teachers impressed my scores, telling how clever I was. No matter how i tried hard, the reactions from parents were " That's good." and "Keep trying on". Because they had focused to Jonh more and they cared him more.

When my parents asked me how I was. I replied that, " I'm fine, mom and dad". When they asked me, " How's school? " I answered,

" I'm well-studied at school." They said, " Good girl." Me and my parents had some talks everyday when we were having breakfast and dinner. I smiled myself, thinking that my parents care me. It was just they loved Jonh more than me. When parents talked to me kindly and lovingly, I felt happy. But when they scolded me, well most time was related to Jonh, I cried silently in my room. I hated when parents compared me with others in my abilities.

Jonh had asthma that was why we were not allowed to keep pet in the house. I was sure I was not alone if I had a pet. I wanted to keep a puppy or a kitty but I couldn't.

At school, I was cold attitude. Sometimes, fake smiles, sometimes forced laughing. I knew that most friends in class were just envy to me. I didn't have intention to close with friends. When they asked to explain lessons, I explained. After saying "Thanks you" and welcome", I just stayed alone again. When they talked to me, I simply replied. When they smiled to me, they could see my smile to them. However, I didn't know the meaning of Life. I felt that my life was in the schedule of the same routine.

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