“I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later."
—Mitch Hedberg
LOL
. “Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room.”
—President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove
XD
My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
LMAO
Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”
—David Letterman
XD
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
—Jack Handey
LMFAO
Bob: “Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.”
Peter: “I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.”
—Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space
XD
Clothes make the man. ***** people have little or no influence in society.”
—Mark Twain
LOL
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
—Will Ferrell
XD
“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
—Rita Rudner
LMAO
Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.”
—Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day
XD
. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
—Erma Bombeck
LMFAO
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”
—Anonymous
Comments
Dysis
THIS. Or watch them when they drive a car
2024-06-13
0
Dysis
lmao
2024-06-13
0