lunacy

Her eyes were blue.

Higurashi Kagome was a pureblood Japanese woman.  She was supposed to have brown eyes, but no matter how you sliced it, her eyes were now sky blue, crystal blue, clear-as-a-spring-morn blue , with a silver — not grey, mind you, but silver — ring around her pupils.

Her hair, at the roots, was turning white.

Miroku had haltingly explained that blue eyes were a rare beauty for a vampire, but all of them had white hair.  It would take some time, but within a few months all the black would grow out and she would have a full head of luxurious white hair, without the slightest shade of yellow.  It would be pristine like fresh banks of snow, like ice-capped mountains, like the puffiest and fluffiest of clouds in mid-summer, and the more Miroku compared to her amazing sights and wonders of the world the less she knew what to do.

She wasn’t human anymore.  She didn’t even look Japanese anymore.  So, determining that life was just too fucking much at the moment, she locked herself in the proffered bedroom and buried her head in a pillow.

It took an hour for her to realize that not being able to breathe was no problem for an undead critter like herself.  It may or may not have given her pause as she considered whether throwing things at the wall was in order.

She wanted to sleep, but she wasn’t sleepy.  She wanted to go outside, but couldn’t. Damn if she wasn’t going to miss the sun; she’d always been a morning person, up before dawn, watching the sun rise as she swept the shrine steps, walking to school in the quiet of early morning streets until she met up with her friends who were still dragging and yawning.  Now she was a vampire.

No more sunrises.  She doubted even sunsets.

Living life in the black of night, under moonlight and starlight, at the hours when only the crazy and dangerous were about… she wanted to cry, but her eyes weren’t even prickling in preparation for tears.   How many hours would she spend in the dark, unable to go anywhere, hiding from the light that flooded the sky for more than half the day?

A knock came at the door.  It took a moment, but she fought down the roughness in her throat and called, “Come in.”

Blue eyes.  They still caught her attention, even here in the dark.  “Kagome…?” She stared at Kouga blankly as he cautiously poked his head around the door, refraining from intruding too far.  Kagome didn’t have the energy to look confused, but she felt sorry when his eyes seemed to zero in on her face and sadden. “Aw, hell.  You bit yourself.”

There wasn’t any blood to taste, truth be told.  Couldn’t feel the prick of the fang on her lip, though she knew she was chewing it.

“You’re not going to fill your belly that way.  Nutrition doesn’t work like that,” he muttered, almost pouting it seemed like.  An alpha werewolf in modern Tokyo was scolding her, a new-turned vampire, about nutrition of all things.

She actually managed to crack a smile at that.

“I know.  Still not hungry.”  His great, scowly brows knit in the middle, darkening those ridiculously blue eyes.  He may be brooding, and she may be depressed, but Kagome was still appreciating the view.  She reached a hand out toward him, and he took the hint; Kouga crept into the room in a placating crouch, tail swinging in a half-hearted arc as he took her hand. She quietly confessed as he inched closer, “I don’t want to be hungry ever again.  I don’t want to eat. I feel like a cannibal even without it.”

He didn’t seem to have words for that.

Instead, his head settled on the bed just a hand’s width from her face, tail giving a muffled thump-thump in encouragement as he silently waited and listened.  He held the hand she’d offered, tucking it between them on the bed.

He was close enough to share a secret, so Kagome whispered, “I wish I were a werewolf instead.”

Kouga offered a wan smile.  “If I’d been there, I might have.  Turned you, that is. If you said yes.”

“I would have,” she whispered.  “I really would have, if it was you who was asking.”

His eyes widened.  If her heart still worked, she thought it might’ve skipped a beat.  Kagome couldn’t really feel the symptoms of nerves now, though; her emotions seemed to be dulling, her thoughts growing sluggish.  The adrenaline, the cortisol, all those ugly little hormones that had been on full-throttle through the night seemed strangely absent.  In the warm glow of a single lamp, Kagome noticed her vision fading strangely.

Kouga noticed too.  His grip tightened.

“Give me permission to save you.  Join the Enclave, become a vampire amongst a lunacy.  Swear to me that you will accept my rule and my protection,” he rasped, suddenly urgent.

“I don’t—”

“Kagome.  Swear to me.”

The demand was so strange.  Usually, wouldn’t someone do this of their own free will?  Wouldn’t he just go ahead and save her and protect her, or wouldn’t she just ask to join his Enclave?  Her logic fuzzed out, popping like soda bubbles under the effort of her consideration. Kouga jostled her hand again, demanding her answer.

“ Kagome .”

So before her vision completely left, before all her energy drained, she whispered, “If that’s what you need.”

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