The ugly truth

So this is what a heartbreak felt like.

It is devastating.

Your whole world turns upside down in a second.

My entrance examinations came.

Couldn't study much for it but yet managed to  clear it somehow.

My dream was to become a doctor. Ever since I was young. All I wanted to do was become a doctor.

To treat the needy. The thought only gave me happiness.

But studying medicine isn't something you can gallop through.

There should be perseverance, dedication, diligence.

I was lacking all of that and more.

How would I focus when even breathing felt so difficult?

I did not deserve it.

New Chapter.

New beginning.

But everything still felt incomplete, gloomy.

I couldn't stand it.

I begged him to stay to choose me, pick me, love me like the love sicken Meredith Grey of 'Grey's anatomy'

He chose Jessie. Jessie was the friend I felt jealous in the beginning, remember?

Yes, I was stupid. Really stupid. How could I just believe all that?

When you think it can't get worse. There it comes like a blow on your face.

The ugly truth.

I was cheated. Betrayed. Dumped. Wrecked.

Depression struck.

I began inculcating  all the destructive habits.

I partied all day, did all kinds of drugs. Drank. smoked. Stayed high to feel better.

I tried all the methods to fill in the void but nothing seemed to elevate my mood permanently. Everything seemed to be falling apart.

I realised I had no emotional attachment with Beth. We just seemed to talk in school. I gradually lost touch with her.

I soon realised. These things would do me no good. They are only going to ruin me.

I worked on my body. I stopped drugs, drinking. stopped smoking.

My mother didn't bring me up lovingly to see me like this.

All this for what?

**Lesson 5 **: *God is always there with you. You're never alone. Don't move to destructive paths and ruin your chance to outshine.

He always has a plan for you.

Everything which happens is for your own benefit.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

He brings in people in your life. Every person plays their respective roles. Some give you love, some make you strong. After they have played their roles, he removes them and brings in new people, new experiences.

Its okay to be sad. Its okay to be attached.

It will all be fine. Never lose hope.*

First year passed. I met amazing set of people but I couldn't focus on studies.

I barely passed.

I made too many memories with my friends.

We laughed. Had fun.

But my mind wandered when I was alone. Thinking Where did I go wrong?

What did I do?

**Lesson 6 **: Stay away from people who can't take responsibility for their actions, who make you feel bad for being angry at them when they do you wrong.

Never blame yourself. Realise your capabilities.

You're worth so much more.

You deserve the world.

These questions have no answers.

Just try to understand what amendments you need to make in you.

For example, in my case, I realised I was too obsessed, possessive and my priorities should be something else rather than Adam and our relationship.

I should have focused my attention on my self. On my growth. On my family. My real friends.

This realisation is gonna take you places!*

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