The Blinks Of The Past

Chapter 2

I shyly tumbled my gaze down to my cold bare feet and simply opened my hand to return his keys. He picked them from my hand and said:

"Thank you Cassie. And take care of yourself. I don't want you to hurt yourself even in the slightest."

Saying this, he left. But I stood there.. lifeless. I stared at the door for a long time and then I went back to my cozy bed, drowning in his thoughts. I know there is something between us. John. I have seen you, smiling without any reason. Tell me who exactly I am.. who resides within me. I'm broken, so broken-amidst this world.. yet you smile blind to everything. It will soon be unraveled... the truth of my existence. The thoughts soon took me to peace.

"Save her.. she will die. Please save her." I felt the smoke filling up my lungs. I was coughing so hard. Everywhere there was fire. I could see the blazing orange in front of my eyes blurring my vision. And then, suddenly it was all gone. I saw myself running as fast as a leopard. Someone was chasing me. I was so oppressed by the insufficient breathing, it was like the heaviness of a storm building inside of me.

"Mam,"

She muttered softly as she shook me by the arm to awake me from my deep sleep. I opened my eyes and found a tray full of fruits and eatables.

"Eat. You look weak. You need energy."

I got up from my bed and headed towards the bathroom. I closed the door and rubbed my eyes. It was just a dream. As I closed my eyes and splashed the warm water on my face, I again saw it happening before my closed eyes. Is it a memory? I am sure as hell. I brushed my teeth and ran the comb through my tangled brown waterfall. As soon as I was done I went out to have my breakfast.

"I shall eat that outside."

"Okay mam. I'll arrange that for you."

She took the tray outside and I followed her. She placed my tray next to Doc John's sitting. I don't know what I feel for him. Sometimes I want him to be on my side all the time and sometimes it's more like hating him for liking him that much. It's complicated. Well, of all the nerve, I thought, I must always remember what he said to me last night.You have to train your mind to be stronger than your emotions. Otherwise you'll lose yourself every time. I sighed at the thought. I must not..

"Hello Cassie."

I looked up away from my eatable that I was gazing so intensely while thinking and not even having the slightest idea of it.

"You should really eat the food with your mouth instead of eating it with your eyes. The latter will give you more energy. Trust me."

I chuckled softly and replied," Hello Doc John."

"So, did you sleep well?"

I remembered the horrible dreamy memory I saw. I hesitated to answer him. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him. What's the idea of lying. I know I wasn't alone back there in the boathouse. Then why did he told me that I was alone when he found me.Should I ask him? Well, about one thing I am sure, he knows a lot more than what he says.

"Doc John.." I called out his name, drawing all of his attention towards me.

"Yes Cassie, what is it? Is there something you wanna share?"

"Yes.. I guess. Please don't get me wrong but, I think I know you... I feel.. I have known you for a long time." I saw the outburst of emotions on his face that he was trying to control. I knew there was something and now I was sure.

''Cassie, you're in a state of amnesia..."

"No, I am not! Trust me! I saw a dream today. It was more like a memory. I saw myself lying on the floor. There was fire everywhere. I heard a voice calling to help save me."

"I think you should stop pressurizing yourself. Your brain is building up what I told you about..."

"Please Doc John, don't..." I let out a deep sigh. I didn't want to say that he was lying, but that was the truth. He was hiding something from me.

"Cassie, don't you trust me?"

I lifted up my gaze to meet his. My eyes were filled with unshed tears and I wanted to cry so hard. Who am I? Please tell me! I was unable to control the feelings I have been hiding in his presence. I covered my rosy face with my cold hands to avoid his presence but it was all in vain.

"I trust you." I sobbed hysterically. "I trust you more than anyone!"

He gently grabbed my hands from which I was hiding my warm tears and held them in between his . His mouth twitched and I am sure he was fighting for a smile. And then, he gave me a smile that just seemed so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushed through me.The way his lips lifted upward. The way his one dimples crinkled. The warm glow his happiness gave. His smile was a ray of sunshine, and I was a sunburn.

"You can come to my house whenever you want someone to talk to. You know I can't give you much time here. I promise I'll help you to your satisfaction."

I just nodded bringing down my gaze as I brought my hands back to myself.

"What about tomorrow?"

"Huh?"

"I can take you out for some refreshment. You will feel better. Be ready at 5.00 pm. Okay?"

"That's fine with me."

I smiled at him and watched him as he put the departing sight on me and left the space.I was attracted to him with the kind of heady trance that brings a butterfly to nectar. He was just the right blend of shy and sweet. He, quite simply, was the kindest and most reliable person I had ever met in my present state. I watched the food that I had eaten with my eyes. I chucked. I finished my breakfast and went to the balcony for some fresh air.

I still wait for the day when I can show the small beauties of life to inner me, I wanted to enjoy the same sky with the knowledge of my past. I whistle with the birds that awaken from their sleep in the trees, letting my vision be painted white, yellow, and red. I checked my watch again, 5:30 am. Perfect. I let myself into the streets, admiring my own thoughts and the little wonders I'd see if I had my memories regained.The scent of the bread dough being uncovered from its rest and then molded and baked reached me. Some stores began to open their doors. I could almost hear the sound of coffee pouring into the mugs and the soft morning smiles of those who drink it.

When we are young and intense everything is felt so keenly. Love is deep, hate is strong, anxiety can cripple, sadness overwhelms yet happiness is overlooked unless it is the kind of giddy fun that bonds you to your friends. But for me..at this time.. I had no friends except for Doc Johns. I sighed. Tomorrow will be a great day. I can feel it in my bones.

I looked at the clock, 8.00 pm. It's time when he comes for my inspection. I wanted to keep a distance from him. But I was aware that he knows me. He knows my past. He knows all the strange desires within me, and now he knows I won't quit until I find everything up to my satisfaction. I lay there on the bed with my eyes closed, trying to remember. When all at once, a sudden feeling rushed through me. I heard the voices in my head...

"Bells?! What's taking so long? Peter is here! Come quick! Well.. it's not good to keep your future husband waiting..", she chuckled. I was inside the room, getting ready for my wedding day. I shyly smiled as I heard her saying "your future husband...

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