Chap. 4: Confuse

Blaire's POV

I make a coffee for Boss and hopefully he'll like it.

I knocked thrice but no answer from him, so I entered his room and saw him on his chair.

Is he sleeping?

I carefully put the coffee on his table. I stared at him and saw the frown in his forehead.

Is he in pain? A headache?

Without thinking, I position myself on his behind and start to massage him. I am used to it, I always massage my grandparents whenever they had a headache or body pain.

I just stop when he grabbed my hands and look at me.

And there it is again, the fast beating of my heart by just looking in his eyes.

Why I am feeling this? Why?

I can't take my eyes away from him, I saw the sadness on his eyes. I wanna know the reason of his sadness but I don't have the rights.

"What are you doing?", he asked in stern voice.

I am shock when he suddenly speak and automatically step backward.

"Sorry B-Boss... Ahm, I bring your coffee and saw you. I just want to wake up you but I saw how you frown your forehead... i thought your in pain so I give you a massage... Sorry for touching you."

"Don't do it again, Miss Miranda. You can leave now."

"Yes, Boss."

I hurriedly went to the door hiding my red cheeks.

My God Blaire! You're so stupid!

I am busy battling with myself when he called me.

"Miss Miranda."

My body automatically stop and turn around, as if it's natural for me. "Yes, Boss?"

He don't say a thing. He just looking at me.

Is he mad? Am I fired now?

But there's something in his eyes, an emotion that I can't name. I got blush because of his stare.

"B-boss... "

"Thanks for the coffee... and massage."

And with just those words, I feel so happy.

"W-welcome Boss.", I said with a smile.

And when I sit on my chair, I am still smiling while doing my work.

"What happened?", Michelle asked me.

"Nothing much."

She teasingly smile at me, "You're smiling like an in-love teenager who noticed by her love one."

"I'm not in-love with Boss."

"Huh? I am reffering to your boyfriend. Oh... I see, so you really like boss?"

"M-Michelle... Of course not."

I focus on my work.

Why you think she's reffering to your Boss? Stupid Blaire.

A few minutes passed and Michelle went inside to our Boss' office after she received a call from him.

And a fang of pain stabbed my heart when I saw Michelle holding the cup of coffee... it is still full. When Michelle go back to boss' office she's holding a new cup of coffee.

"He don't drink it?", I asked Michelle after she sit down on her seat.

"Sorry Blaire, I forgot to tell you. Boss don't like cream in his coffee. Just black coffee.", she said with an apologetic smile.

"O-okay."

Why I feel like he reject me?

Because of what happened, I felt so down for the whole day. Except from that my first day in work is good.

"Hi, Sweetie!", a handsome guy approached Michelle and kissed her on cheek.

"Hi, Sweetie!, Blaire this is my husband Tommy. The head in Engineering department. And Sweetie, this is Blaire. The one I mentioned to you last night."

Tommy smile on me and offered his hand, "Hi, Blaire! Hope you don't mind if I call you by first name."

"No problem Sir Tommy.", I accepted his shakehands offering.

The feeling is different from Boss' hand.

"Tommy will do. Since you're my wife's friend."

"Okay Si--- ahm... Tommy."

"Good."

"Blaire, we'll go first huh. We need to fetch Michael in school."

"Sure Michelle. Say hello for me to him."

After they left I just finish my work and ready myself to go home. When I take glance on the door of Boss' office, I'm not sure if I need to tell him I'll leave now or not. But as his secretary I need to.

I knocked on the door.

"Come in.", said the voice from inside.

I open the door and go inside, I'm expecting him busy on work. But I saw him laying on the sofa, his arm is on his eyes and there's a bottle of alcohol on the center table.

"What is it?", he asked without looking at me.

Is he drunk?

"I'll just ahm... tell I am leaving now Boss."

He sit up, "Ahh.. ", he groaned maybe because of his sudden move.

"Are you okay, Boss?"

"Yeah. You're leaving? Why?"

"Huh? what I mean is I'm going home, Boss."

He just stare on me and sigh, "okay. "

"Are you really okay?"

I have this feeling I want to get near to him but I am afraid he'll get mad at me.

"My head hurts.", he lean on the sofa and close his eyes.

I bit my lower lips, "a-ahm... Do you need anything?"

"Can you get a pain killer for me?"

"Okay, Boss."

I went to the toilet room inside his office, and luckily he has a medicines there. I gave him the medicine a glass of water.

"Thanks.", he said after take the medicine.

"Do you want me to give you a head massage? It will help you to ease the pain."

"Ease the pain? I doubt it.", he murmured.

"Boss..."

"Let's see."

"Huh? You mean... Okay Boss."

I position myself on his back. I don't know why but I can feel my hands trembling when I started to massage him.

His eyes are close while I massaging his head. And I can see his whole face from my position.

"You're hands are so soft."

"T-thanks. Y-You're not going home yet, Boss? Your wife must be worried now."

I saw a sad smile on his lips, "I hope so."

"Boss..."

"She's dead. She left me alone. Serene's... gone."

I was surprised when a tears fall on down from his eyes. And when he open his eyes, sadness, longiness and pain are visible on it.

This guy is really in deep pain. It can see through his eyes and crack voice. How a man like him can be this transparent?

He maybe so in-love in his wife. She's so lucky.

And I felt envy to his wife. For what reason? I don't know either.

Without thinking, I rubbed my fingers to his cheeks to wiped the traces of his tears. I just got back to my senses when the phone rings. I stepped backward and bid my goodbye.

What you have done, Blaire? What's that?

Derek's POV

I am just looking on the door after she left.

Why she did that? Is she pity on me?

But to be honest, her touch ease the headache. But the pain is still here... in my heart.

Serene, if only you're here.

I touched the pendant of my necklace, its Serene's engagement and wedding ring. These rings keep me a little sane with these I can feel she's just beside me.

After my headache gone I decided to go home.

Right now I am living in a penthouse, an almost empty penthouse. It only have a sofa set, bed and refrigerator full of beer or alcoholic beverages. I only use it as a place to sleep or if I want to have a drink.

I took an eight bottles of beer and sat on sofa. This is what I always do if I can't sleep.

LATER ON, I felt someone tapped my face. I don't know what time is it. When I opened my eyes, I saw her, the woman I've been dreaming for a year, my wife.

I caressed her face using the back of my hand.

"You're here again... in my dream.", I whispered.

"Derek...", she called my name in soft voice as always.

"I miss you, Wife. So much.", I emotionally said to her to the point a tear escape from my eyes.

I automatic closed my eyes when she wiped my tears with her finger. I grabbed her hand and kissed her palm.

"Serene, come back to me... Please. I'm begging at you. I want to be with you again... Not just in dream. Take me with you."

"I'm n--"

I grabbed her on nape and pulled her. I kissed her like the way I wanted for a long time. I felt her stilled at first but later on, she kissed me back.

My best dream ever.

We're still kissing like there's tomorrow. She's above me, I can feel her soft body against mine.

"Serene...", I whispered on her ear and bite her earlobe then trace a kisses on her neck. "Wife..."

I was about to insert my hands on her blouse but she pushed me. In blurred sight, I saw a shock expression on her.

"S-Sere...", and the darkness eat me.

THE NEXT DAY, I wake up late and alone. My head is throbbing and I can't remember what happened last night.

Its already lunch when I arrived at work.

"Wow Boss! You're early.", Michelle said in sarcastic tone.

I just ignore her.

"G-Good afternoon Boss.", Blaire greeted me without looking at me.

"Are you okay? "

She looked up on me, and I saw how she got blushed when our eyes met. "Y-Yes Boss."

"Okay. Please bring me a water with ice."

Just a few minutes after and Blaire came in my office with my request. She put it on my table.

"Thanks.", I said.

She's still not looking at me but I saw her taking a simple glance on me and she blushed after.

"Are you sick, Miss Miranda? Your face is red. "

"I'm f-fine, Boss. Do you need anything?"

"Nothing."

"I'll go now Boss."

But before she can step she wobble, gladly I catch her before she fall on the floor.

"Are you okay?", I asked again still holding her.

She looked on me and we both gasped when we noticed how close our faces are.

"B-Boss...", she murmured and gulped.

I can't help but to look on her face, eyes, nose and her tempting half-open lips. Without thinking I slowly lower my head, I saw her eyes slowly closing too.

But before our lips met the door open loudly.

"Blaire, what took you so long---", Michelle stop when she saw us.

Blaire pushed me a little. I released her and step backward then cleared my throat.

"You may go."

She just nodded and hurriedly leave my office wirhout looking back.

I leaned on the edge of my table and put my hands inside my side pocket. I am acting cool and unaffected even I am not inside.

Michelle looking at me with a teasing smile.

"Can't resist, Boss?"

"Shut up. "

She's still teasing me when she leave. I take a deep breath when I am alone finally.

"What happened? Sh*t! I lost my control.", I said and rubbed my nape.

I need to keep my distance on her.

I looked on my wedding ring.

"Sorry Wife.", I said and kissed it.

For the next hours, I try to keep my distance to Blaire. It's for our own good.

"Boss, why are you avoiding Blaire? ", Michelle asked after she read the report.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are! Come on, Boss. It's not Blaire's fault if you can't resist her. Duh!"

"Will you please stop."

"Why? Because its true right? Why you don't give yourself a chance, Derek? Try to love someone again. For sure Serene won't mind."

"I will only love my wife, *S*erene. Just her."

"Then let Blaire go."

I glare at her.

"I know you can feel it too, Derek. She likes you. If you can't move on to your past then let her go."

"You're the one who gave to me her application, remember?", I said in pissed tone.

"And I am starting to regret it. Blaire is sweet, kind and she deserves to be love. Don't use her."

"I can't. Not now."

"Then when? Once she's deeply in-love with you? Don't be unfair to her. If you can't love her back then don't make her fall for you. She has a boyfriend, let her be happy with him."

I frown at her.

"If you can only see how affected she is because you're avoiding her. She's maybe not yet realize it but one of these day for sure she will. Don't confuse her."

I breathe out deep. "Is she sad?"

"Not just sad. She's hurting right now. Stop messing up with her feelings."

After Michelle left my office, her words keep bugging on my head.

I don't want to hurt her. It's not my intention but I can't let also myself be too close to her, not now.

I looked on my ring again.

"Serene, what would I do? What if I am wrong? I don't want to cheat on you... but I just can't let her go.. for now. I'm sorry, Wife."

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