I’m sorry, Haruki, Akihiko, and Uenoyama...

Everyone has helped me in some way, but Haruki you’ve helped me a lot. You encouraged me to keep playing the guitar even though I was bad. You taught me some of the basics. I wonder though, was annoying? Was I just a bother? I’m sorry, Haruki. Your band was great until I joined, I almost ruined your concert. Were you mad? You didn’t seem mad, but who knows? I’m still not that great at guitar, but I’m glad I could help with my vocals. Even though nobody knew I was going to sing. I’m sorry that when my strings broke right before the concert, that you had bring me back to earth and buy us time to fix it. Were you scared that I had ruined the concert? I’m sorry, Haruki. Akihiko, you gave me a reality check when I needed it. Were you testing it out on me though? You pushed me until the very end because you trusted that I’d make it. You gave me a chance. Didn’t you? You may not know my full backstory but you still lent me a hand and helped me get up on my feet. Why would you do that? You barely knew me, so why would you help me? I can’t wait to perform with you again, I want to have that feeling again. The feeling of the rush of adrenaline, the lights piercing my eyes, the heat of the crowded room, I want that feeling. Thank you, both of you. Uenoyama, when I first met you I just saw you as another person. Another person that would probably just ignore me. You wanted to ignore me in the beginning, didn’t you?Then you fixed my string and strummed my heart strings without realizing it. Then I begged you to let me come watch your band practice. You played me a storm, it was amazing. You kept teaching me how to play the guitar and I was happy. Were you happy too? Then I sung you the melody stuck in my head and you grabbed me by the collar, crying, saying that I touched your soul. Those words coming from you were so encouraging and inspiring. Did you really mean it? You invited me to join your band after that. Was it out of pity? You wanted me to be vocals for a new song, I agreed. Were you that touched by my singing? You started to work really hard on the new song, I was amazed at how hard you were working.

Then the day of the concert I didn’t have the lyrics. I was so disappointed in myself, but you blamed it on yourself for asking me to do the lyrics, it wasn’t your fault. I was so disappointed I snapped my guitar string. We were all in shock, until Haruki came and brought us back to earth. You ran to the music store, while Haruki bought us some time before our turn. Were you running on my behalf or just so you could play? I was still in shock after you left, I was scared that I had ruined the concert for us. Were you scared, too? But then you came back and replaced my strings. We got on stage and started to play, then I felt it. I felt the feeling of the lyrics rushing into my head and out of my mouth. Were you nervous? You had worked so hard, and I wouldn’t let it go to waste. I sang about heartbreak, I sang about Yuki. Were you mad? Did you want me to sing about you? After the performance we walked off stage. You told me I did well, so well. Then you walked back on stage and performed the rest of the songs. I stood there crying I was finally able to cry, my tears were warm, sad, and filled with the pain that I’ve been holding in this whole time. “I’m not lonely, I’m having fun”

I’m sorry, Haruki, Akihiko, and Uenoyama...

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