Chapter 3

Isupposed that the moment I saw Tanya running toward us in that skimpy gold bikini, I already knew that I’d lost my chance with Ben. At least for this vacation. When Ben sought me out later that evening, it was to inform me that he’d made up with Tanya and they’d be hooking up for the next three days, after which she’d be heading back to California. She’d invited him to go on a scuba diving trip with her off the coast of Mexico for three days, leaving early the next morning, and returning late on the last day. As he was telling me, it was all I could do to keep my voice from breaking, my lips from trembling with disappointment. I acted as cool as I could. Three days. It meant that he’d be gone for my birthday. In his eagerness to hook up with the blonde again, he’d obviously totally forgotten. And I didn’t remind him. He’d already made his choice clear—Tanya was more important to him than me. I doubted that he would have ever forgotten her birthday. And could I really blame him? After all, I’d always be here in his shadow. He was stuck with me all the time. Whereas Tanya, she was a precious gem he might not have tomorrow. Thanks to my father, it wasn’t like I had anywhere to go. I supposed that deep down Ben knew this, and even if he didn’t intend it to, it played in his subconscious and affected his decisions and behavior toward me. The next three days passed slowly. On the third day, I supposed I should have been grateful that at least Lyle and Amelia hadn’t forgotten my birthday. They took me out to a restaurant of my choice for lunch and ordered a cake. I felt bad that I was too depressed to eat much of anything. I spent the rest of the day with Abby on the beach. Lyle and Amelia lay on the sand nearby reading, and joining us to build the occasional sandcastle. I excused myself early that evening, wanting nothing more than the solitude of my room. I’d managed to hold it in all day, but as I climbed into bed that night, I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face. I tried to not imagine what Ben might have been doing all this time with Tanya. While I’d been here stuck with five-year-old Abby for company. As I lay there, I tried to reason with myself that dates were harder to keep track of on vacation, since there was no routine to adhere to. Days seemed to merge into each other. But this was my birthday. I was his best friend. He shouldn’t have forgotten. I tossed and turned that night, unable to sleep. I always slept with earplugs in to help soften the noises that I was so overly attuned to, but that night even with my thickest pair of earplugs in, I found myself restless and showing no signs of falling asleep any time soon, even though my eyes were heavy from crying. I just wanted sleep to take me, to wash away the memories of today and hopefully bring in a brighter tomorrow. But I couldn’t. I kept thinking of Ben. And his blonde, bikini-clad ex. It was close to midnight when I felt a gentle hand touch my shoulder. I guessed that it was Ben, so I kept deathly still, my eyes sealed shut pretending that I was sleeping. I felt warm fingers brush the hair away from my face. “I’m sorry, Sofia,” he whispered. I didn’t know if he’d guessed that I was awake, or he just felt so guilty that he needed to apologize now whether I was asleep or awake. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. And I wished I hadn’t. His dreamy blue eyes looking down at me with concern just made me yearn for him even more. I pushed away the sheets, and without saying a word, walked out onto the balcony.

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