Chapter 2

Iwas glad that I got to sit next to Ben on the plane. The aircraft was filled to the max, so Amelia, Lyle and Abby had to sit several rows behind us. I took the window seat, while Ben sat in the chair next to me. His eyes were closed, his head lolling to one side. We were an hour into the flight. His team had won the game yesterday and he’d stayed out later than he should have celebrating. I doubted he’d gotten more than three hours sleep before we had to get up and leave for the airport this morning. He didn’t wake up until a flight attendant came round offering us drinks. “A bottle of water, please.” He sat up straight, rubbing his eyes and looking at me. “What are you most looking forward to?” he asked after a pause. Two uninterrupted weeks with you. “The beaches, I guess. You?” “I don’t know… it’ll just be good to have a break. A change of scenery.” He pulled out a book from his bag and began reading, while I picked up my own book. But I couldn’t focus on the words. My mind was too distracted. I never thought the day would come when I’d actually even consider telling Ben what I felt for him. It had always seemed such a risky thing to do. What if he didn’t share the same feelings as me? We lived together in the same house. It would make things so awkward if he realized I wanted more from him than just friendship and he didn’t feel the same way. I was afraid that he might never look at me the same way again and ruin what we currently had. I threw a glance at him as he turned a page. Ben… he saw me the way nobody else did. I doubted that I would be as strong as I was today if it hadn’t been for him. He gave me the time of day when no one else – not even my own father – would. It was with Ben that I never felt invisible… except when his latest girlfriend was around. So yes, I was a coward. I was afraid of shattering what we had by telling him I wanted more. By telling him how much I wanted to kiss his lips last prom when he led me to a dance. How much pain it put me through when I saw him making out with another girl in the schoolyard. How much I wanted his friendly pats on the shoulder to turn into full-on, passionate embraces. But something had changed in me this last year. I didn’t know what it was exactly, but each new girlfriend I saw him with tore at my heart more and more, until it reached a point where I felt like I would burst if I didn’t finally reveal the truth. As the plane started descending and I tightened my seat belt, putting my book back into my bag, I tried to reassure myself that it would be all right. That, even if he turned me down, we’d still be able to continue as we were. But I knew that was a lie. If I pulled the trigger on this, it would be all or nothing. My pulse was racing as we arrived at the resort—the same resort we’d stayed at the year before. Ben’s parents liked it because it was all-inclusive and in a central location. Lyle and Amelia shared a bedroom, Ben had his own room, and Abby and I shared a room together. As we entered our room, Abby jumped up and down on one of the beds, grinning from ear to ear. By the time I’d unpacked her and my things, it was already time for dinner. We descended the stairs with Lyle, Amelia and Ben and found a table in our favorite restaurant a few yards outside the entrance of the resort. We picked up the menus and began ordering. I ordered the smallest thing I could find on the menu—a caesar salad—and even that I doubted I’d have enough appetite for. Once the food had arrived, Ben raised a brow at me while tucking into a plate of tacos. “Dieting?” “I’m just… excited to be here. Not really feeling hungry.” If I really was going to go through with this, this first night would be the best time to do it. If he agreed, we’d have the whole vacation together as girlfriend and boyfriend. If he didn’t agree… I put thoughts of that possibility out of my mind for now. I didn’t join in much of the conversation. It was mostly Amelia talking, going on about how much she loved this place, and reading through a brochure of all the things we could do while we were there. Once Amelia and Lyle called for the bill, I looked up at Ben. “Do you feel like taking a walk?” I asked. He looked tired, but his face lit up. “Sure.” He turned to his mother. “Sofia and I are going to the beach.” “Can I come?” Abby asked, jumping up from her seat. I was relieved when Amelia held her back. “No, Abby. It’s your bedtime.” She looked from me to Ben. “Okay, but don’t stay out long and don’t venture too far. Stay where other tourists are.” We parted ways and walked out onto the beach. Removing our shoes, we held them in our hands as we walked along. We headed toward the ocean, enjoying the feel of the waves lapping over our feet. I wish Ben was already my boyfriend. Everything about the scene was so romantic. The moon, the stars, the sugary beaches… I wished that by magic we’d already gone past the stage of getting together and he would just take me in his arms and kiss me now. After ten minutes, even though I was afraid that my voice might break, I couldn’t handle waiting any longer. Passing my flip flops along to my other hand, I caught Ben’s hand in mine, twining my fingers with his. He looked down at me and smiled, squeezing my hand. “Thank you for leaving the game for me yesterday,” I said. He rolled his eyes. “Don’t thank me for that.” I bit my lip, looking back down at the sand. The way his hand held mine sent chills down my spine. I stopped walking, pulling him to a stop too. I cleared my throat. “Ben, I wanted to tell you something.” He raised a brow, smiling at me curiously. “What?” I felt the tension in my body rising as his eyes fixed on me. I don’t know how to say this. I dug my feet into the sand in frustration. Just spit it out. I took a deep breath. “I hope you won’t take this the wrong way. I’ve debated a lot recently whether I should even be telling you this… but I realize if I want my peace back, I have to.” I paused, steeling myself for what I was about to say. “Ben, I—” “Ben!” A shout cut through my sentence. Ben and I whirled around to see who was approaching. My heart sank to my stomach. Tanya Wilson. One of his gorgeous blonde exes. She was running toward us in a thin bikini, her long blonde hair swept back behind her. She was dripping wet as she arrived. “Hi, Ben,” she said, gasping for breath. She didn’t look at me once. It was as though I was invisible to her. “Tanya? How come you’re here?” Ben asked, his eyes widening. “I came here with my family for a short break. We left a few days before school broke off to save money… Where are you staying?” Ben pointed toward our resort, which was clearly visible even at the distance we were standing. “I’m staying there too! Which room are you in?” “Fifty-four,” he replied. She gripped his hands, stretching her long legs to reach up against him and place a kiss on his cheek. “I’m not far away from you. Seventy-eight.” Tanya’s eyes finally fell on me. The disdain in her gaze was almost tactile. She looked back at Ben. “Could I have a word in private?” Ben looked down at me, hesitating. Tanya squeezed his arm harder. “I’m actually leaving in three days. It really would mean the world to me if we could talk… I promise I won’t keep you long.” Ben sighed and nodded. “Okay.” He looked down at me apologetically. “I’m sorry, Sofia. Do you mind if we have a word?” “Oh, sure. I’ll… I’ll just head back to the hotel, I guess.” “I’ll catch you later.” “Yeah…” My throat dry, my chest aching at leaving Ben standing there alone with Tanya looking like that, I turned to face the hotel and walked away from them. Friends before football. But not friends before lovers.

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