Episode 1: I need to let you go

"Cai Cai Cai…wake up!!!"

I just managed to get a decent sleep yet my mom's waking me up and a little elf is banging in my head.

"waking up and spreading my love to you mother"

"Is Anna even aware of your terrible fart?"

"well, she's insanely in love with me"

"You were so busy late at night. Are you even excited about your graduation today?"

"Well not really. I was engrossed with the case forwarded by Professor Kim last night and

I'm still studying after this"

"I am rooting for your success and let us give more food to Mr. Kim for helping you"

"About that mom, I have not told you yet but Professor Kim was invited by his colleagues to

Washington. He will be an audience to a case and both Lawyers are pros and so

good. He invited me to join, for free of course as he insisted that I am his prodigy."

"I would say go for that but how about Anna? You two are like twins, you were never been

separated"

I did not expect my mother's response to that. I really thought she would miss me like the son's

going to war.

And even day one of my birth, it’s always been "me and mom". Sad to say, my biological

father left us and we do not really have a clue if he is still alive or dead. She used to hang-out with me and even at 22 years old, we still lay in the same bed. But, who can blame? and me as an adult, it's quite different but

nevertheless, I will not share that bed with anyone else except with Anna.

I met Anna at this kindergarten school, she was that red hair girl with warm brown clear eyes and while I look like more of a Chinese Asian guy with simple black hair yet she never hesitated to make me as her playmate buddies. But somehow, she transferred to another school and we meet again in elementary third grade and

became instant best friends. As time passed by, we are so inseparable but as we hit our hormones, I did not expect that we mutually fall in love and officially became 'Us' at 18 years of age.

At first, my mom got so worried and his family does not really like me. His Father and Mother are both successful, they are not rich but they are the type of parents who can afford their kids to go abroad to continue their studies. I can still remember, I told his father that "For now, I am a person with nothing to offer but not a nobody. I am the

type of person who does not take love for granted nor can't even protect it. I am not responding to you out of disrespect, but to prove to you that I can protect my love for her and her love for "US". I am not asking too

much but please allow me to love her and in time, I can be someone to provide her with everything"

I'd say it was a home run and a perfect goal score, I even made my mom cried quite a lot. I remember she asked me, "Hey Cai, I never knew you can love so much"

“I work with wonders mom”

“But the way you said it, I was so amazed and so proud of you”

"Nah, it was all thanks to Professor Kim"

"Oh, you had an attorney filling in your wonders”

"I am a sincere hot-blooded male,  mom. It was just improvised with a better version"

And, we laughed so hard.

I never had a father figure and Professor Kim was just a temporary teacher at our school. Somehow, he likes how I handle debates and started to cling on me like a leech begging me to be his apprentice and so forth. He started to bug mom as well.

I really hope, he can try to love him too but I guess there were never any feelings with them or

something. Even, then Professor Kim became my father figure and I will never be

this person today without him.

Going back to Anna, I managed to get a soft spot with her Mom’s heart and I simply became the son to his Father. I got on pretty well, despite the hardships I never complained. I am so lucky and damn! I am so late.

Anna will be pissed off, we always have this tradition to take graduation photos with other graduating students

busy with their happiness as our background. And be damned, I just arrived in time and I have not seen her.

And just then, I saw her walked in stage getting her diploma for Political Science.

Coincidentally, we both have the same career path.

As she walked by, I waved at her and give her the biggest heart hand figure or whatever it looks like and as

they say, I way to a woman’s forgiveness is to overdose her with your attention

but her eyes seem distressed. Is she really mad at me?

I immediately went to her after the ceremony, “Hi, beautiful and I am so sorry for being late. And, it’s not too

late to take our graduation photo”

“No worries, I’ll need to talk with my classmates, some colleagues

and friends to say my goodbye’s first”

“Alright. Want me to join you?  I can take your photos with them”

“I’m good, why don’t you go to your friends too and I’ll come to you later”

“Cool, I’ll just wait here near the stage…”

“How about the classroom near auditorium 1”

Is she really mad? There is really something off and I need to settle this in a good way.

After an hour, I told my mom that she can go home first and I’ll pick her up at our dinner with Anna’s Family.

I am a bit flustered as she is not acting her usual self. This time, I arrived first and I saw her walking with the head bow down.

“Are you looking for any coin?” and give her my light smile

“No, I am just thinking of how to say it”

“Then say it”

“You know that I loved you right?”

“Yes, and me to you”

“I will always be thankful for everything with you”

“What’s this being sentimental?”

“ I mean it Cai”

“Wait…you said “loved”. Was it because we’ve been together for so

long? Or  I am having this imagination?”

“You’re not”

“Why don’t you be clear of what you want to say, Anna”

“Perhaps, we can slow it down. Our relationship, I mean. You got your future with Professor Kim and I am pretty sure that if you will give him his full attention, you will end so great”

“I have plans for that and I do not think it can make you worry…”

“I am worried! All my life revolves around you and my family is expecting you. I do not have any problems with that but the world is so full. There are more things I want to do. I do not understand why I even took

political science. We’ve been so busy for the last 3 months and I have not really talked to you and I totally understand and I am fine with it. But what happened to me for the last 3 months is….”

“Freedom?”

“It is not like that but I have not really explored myself with being me. I was given the opportunity for the last 3 months and I did not expect, I passed on the audition and everything happened so fast and I just can’t

skip on this opportunity. And, if I’ll choose this path I may not have the time of waiting for you always. And I am starting to hate it”

“How about working it out? Was this question considered from this agenda?”

“I do not know nor even sure. And with this career, I am going I am not sure if I can go home right away and be there when you need me”

“So, you are making decisions for US. And, I am not included?”

“Damn it Cai! I am not doing this to hurt you”

“Then what it is called?”

“I do not want to be your blocking stone. I don’t want to be a hindrance and I am pretty sure it will be tough for both of us. All, I am asking is that will have to take this slow”

“What you mean by slow”

“Let us establish again our friendship with this new environment that I will be working on. I do not want to make any guarantees and in this line of job, I may hurt you”

“So, easy as that. I never thought you will cross this line”

“Please let’s not make things worse”

“Why don’t you be honest rather than babble”

“Cai, I need to let you go”

And, he started to walk away. I tried to call his name “Cai…..are you even interested in the change of profession I will go to?” But he keeps on walking, without turning his back and not a word.

That night, I told my parents. My father was so mad and mom was just speechless. Nobody continues to dine.

The next day, I was hoping to contact Cai as I just received a message for the shooting schedule and I want him to be there at the airport. I want him to understand that becoming an “Actress” is not an easy thing. My manager

already told me the possibilities of what will happen.  I need him to be ready and I need to protect him.

 But I have not heard anything from him nor from his mother. I tried texting our other friends and surprisingly I receive  a response,

“What’s with this broken up drama between you two? And, now you are sad that he just left for Washington”

I accidentally slipped my phone and he just left without even saying goodbye. I cried quite a lot and my mom just comforted me but my dad was nowhere to be seen, he was so against my change shift of career.

He just started to look pity on me when I forced myself not to cry as it will affect my face with the camera.

I keep on reminding myself, “I am just following my dreams”

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