NOT A SUICIDE

I WAKE UP FROM MY BED. I REALIZE THAT MY TIME TO LIVE IS GETTING SHORTER EVERY SINGLE DAY. I CRY AS LOUD AS I COULD. I ALREADY STAY IN THE HOSPITAL FOR FOUR DAYS! THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO EXCEPT WAITING FOR THE DOCTOR THAT MAGGIE MENTIONED BEFORE TO GIVE ME A PERSONALLY TREATMENT. IT SEEMS LIKE MY HEALTH IS GETTING WORSE. KNOCK! KNOCK! "COME IN, PLEASE,"

"MAGGIE? IT IS YOU?!" HE NODS HIS HEAD. I SMILE WIDER. " HEY, TERRY... IT SEEMS LIKE THE DOCTOR IS COMING TOMORROW. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH IN THIS DAYS. I WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU," HE SAID. I WAKE UP FROM MY BED, HUG HIM. I FEEL LIKE HE IS MY BROTHER. A BIG BROTHER THAT OFTEN TAKE CARE OF HIS OWN SISTER. HE IS SMILING LIKE AN ANGEL. WELL, MY ANGEL.

AFTER MAGGIE VISITS ME, I KINDA BORED TO DEATH SO I TAKE A WALK IN THE SAME GARDEN, HOPING THAT DATUK GERRY WILL BE THERE TOO. YES!! HE IS HERE!! AT LEAST I CAN SPEND MY PRECIOUS TIME WITH HIM. "DATUK GERRY, I MISS YOU!" I SCREAM LOUDLY AND HUG HIM SOFTLY. I HOPE HE DOESN'T HAVE HEART PROBLEMS IF I SCREAM LIKE THAT. HE SMILES AND PATTING MY HEAD. "GIRL, I AM OLD ENOUGH. MY TIME IS LIMITED. THE DOCTOR SAID I CAN LIVE FOR A FEW DAYS LEFT," MY SMILE IS GONE. TEARS COMING OUT AND DOES NOT STOP AT ALL. MY HEART IS SUDDENLY ACHING. "NO, DATUK GERRY...I ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. I WILL OFTEN VISIT YOU, STAY WITH YOU...PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ME... YOU ARE THE ONLY PARENT THAT I HAVE LEFT.." I CRY AND DO NOT STOP. "DATUK GERRY, ACTUALLY, I ALSO HAVE A SICKNESS. IT IS METHOPORTAMIA. NO ONE ABLE TO CURE IT." WHEN HE HEARS THAT, HIS FACE IS PALE. I GOT WORRY AND HOLD HIS BODY. SUDDENLY, HE FAINTS. "NO WAY... DATUK GERRY! NO!" I FEEL HIS HAND AND HEAR HIS HEARTBEAT. MY TEARS IS LIKE WATERFALL. IT KEEPS FALLING. "NO! DATUK GERRY, NO..... I AM SORRY... PLEASE COME BACK!" HE STAYS PUT, DOESN'T MOVE. I CAN'T HELP EXCEPT SCREAMING AND CRYING. I HUG HIM AND MY PARENTS' FACE SUDDENLY APPEAR WHEN I HUG HIM TIGHTLY.

I AM ON MY BED, WATCHING THE SKY BY LOOKING AT THE WINDOW. EVERYONE THAT I LOVE IS NOT HERE BY MY SIDE. SUDDENLY, MY HEART IS ACHING. DAMN, IT HURTS LIKE HELL! AM I GOING TO DIE ALONE HERE? I WAKE UP FROM MY BED AND STAY BESIDE THE WINDOW. MY ROOM IS ON THE FIFTEENTH FLOOR. WILL I DIE IF I JUMP FROM HERE? MY ****** BECOME WORSE. I CANNOT BREATH AT ALL. NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL NOT DIE IN AN UNCUREABLE DECEASE. I, TERRYNA WILL DIE IN MY OWN WAY! I JUMP AND FALLING. AT THAT TIME, TIME IS LIKE IN SLOW MOTION. MY MEMORIES BEING SAD, HAPPY... IT ALL APPEARS AT THE SAME TIME. SORRY, BUT... I WILL NEVER COME BACK AGAIN. IT IS NOT A CUICIDE, IT IS SAVING MYSELF FROM DYING IN AN UNCUREABLE SICKNESS.

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