FIFTY SHADES OF FILTH

Levi Ackerman

Permanent.

It was everywhere. Not just in the air. Not just on his skin. It was in his eyes. Lungs. Etched into his soul.

Winter underground was hell without fire.

Don't move. Don't breathe. Don't sleep. Don't touch anything. And don't cry unless you want to scrape frozen salt off your face.

Infinite.

Sometimes the cold was like an awful headache. Blossoming in the night. Creeping like a wraith, dismissed as a shadow. Only when it was too late, you were rushed upon in pounding crushing waves. Oh, that you could have run when you had the chance. Killed the parasite before it colonized. All you could do was clutch your head and wait for the pain to pass. Or wait for someone to find your body.

Dominating. In every way.

Of course it wasn't always cold. Sometimes a frigid ache could burn like an open wound. Sometimes a shiver tore mercilessly across his tense shoulders and down his bony spine, ripping limbs out of whatever ineffectual cocoon was most comfortable. Whatever.

He'd stopped shivering days ago.

What replaced spasms of shivering was worse. The shell of callous "unfeeling" in his fingers and legs was sidelined by a horrible throbbing pounding in Levi's head.

It felt...swollen. Like his brain was too big for his skull. Every shallow beat in his heart was echoed with a cacophony behind his eyes. "Cold, cold, cold," it screamed.

Pain, really, was the repeating factor here. It was...

Eternal.

Winter underground reigned indefinitely. With definite judgement.

Levi dared open his eyes. It was hard to learn that dwelling on pain made him suffer for it twice. But he DID learn that lesson. He'd been forced to learn it. Pain is temporary unless you give it power. Then it lasts forever. So don't dwell on it!

He needed to focus his attention somewhere that wasn't his crescendoing headache. A distraction.

Well...

He could almost pretend it was night. Not this filthy room. Could make himself believe he couldn't see the stars because of clouds and trees, and a roof. Not whatever was silently screaming through the gloom at him. Whatever lived in these deep corners.

Maybe the smell was some kind of animal. A big one. Big enough to pervade all the air. Not the sweat and rot and feces.

No rats. No insects. No street fights. Scuffling blind in the dim. Those were… people. Noisy people. But harmless.

If he shifted from side to side just enough, it was like feeling the open air above ground. Yes, that's it. Side to side. Just the wind… just the wind….

A COLD wind. NO!

Levi stopped swaying and held his breath. His head throbbed torturously and his hands listlessly moved up to hold his temples. He'd lost precious heat by moving his arms.

Shit.

No wind was better than cold wind. The pain cold inflicts was the same above ground as it was below. Levi was absolutely certain of this, even as his eyes fluttered closed.

What would I give to not feel anything at all?

"...Everything," he whispered, somber. He was sure even the rats couldn't hear him. Levi wedged his head between his knobby knees, as his tears froze to the ground.

—

Levi kneaded the side of his head irritably at the memory. A recurring twinge had been bombarding him since…

Since the stairs. Since he watched the sun blip out of existence.

It stole his breath to think of how fragile the light had been. How easily its existence shattered, and how quickly darkness rained down around him.

It's not going to last forever! The faster we get something in place the faster I'm out. I WILL leave soon.

He shook his head, adjusting his pace as he led Nile and Historia forward on the dingy street. They'd snuck past the cheap security at the bottom of the stairs and were now deep in the heart of the city, heading to an inn where they would set up camp for the time being.

Levi knew the route without needing a map. He knew every street. And the longer he was down here, the more it all came flooding back to him

The underground was the bad afterthought of a heedless day. The years had brought the old buildings, unhonored age, and trademarked the title "humanity's most slovenly" with nauseating pride.

It had a preeminence for being repugnant, vibrating with the egregious. It was the irremovable stinking stain upon the already filthy tapestry of history inside the walls. Notable even among the inthreadable gorey chucks of mass death and nobility injustices.

And it couldn't have felt more like home—

Shut up! It's not!

Levi blinked rapidly as heavy drunken feet rounded every innumerable stone step. Every wooden board was covered in a thick sheen of something else. Whether it be spit, sweat, dirt, or something even less welcome, peeling one layer just uncovered a different layer of rot. Same for the people. Past any wintry exterior was the coat after coat of pain and sickness that caused it.

It was disheartening how quickly he found himself caught up in it again.

He couldn't deny how accustomed he'd grown to the sun. Despite the lifetime suffered here against the few short years living above ground. It was the warmth. The light…

Needless to say, he'd been resisting the urge to look up, like a reformed addict runs from their vice. But the hard truth was slowly sinking in like the beat of his footfall. He would only last as long as he pretended to not be where he currently was.

...His illusion was strained.

No, it was dying. Reality bleeding through.

It would be comical to watch someone pretend not to be exactly where they were, if it wasn't such a nightmare.

And indeed, the voice in his head laughed at him. How long do you think you can keep this up for?

Long enough. He growled back.

Historia and Nile remained quiet as they rounded another corner, heading deeper into the city. Every step carried them further from the stairway and deeper into the jungle of buildings with garbage for weeds and people with dead eyes replacing the wildlife.

Someone screamed directly into Levi's ear. It was starting to get on his nerves, the way it grated and twisted, scalding his pounding brain.

"Bread and flour only five-"

"-if you have coin!"

"Mr. Jamison can fix any-"

Another few people slammed into him—none too gently—making his progress through the crowd constantly off kilter, slow, and left him in such a dense cloud of annoyance he was only a few moments from breaking face.

If anyone gets to close, all bets are off. To hell with blowing our cover.

He skillfully side-stepped a few others and hurried on his way.

On the main roads, it was shameful to leave an inch of space unused. Whatever vendors couldn't find a home lining the edge of the street leached into the road where people walked. Like warts on an ugly face.

They crowded into him like a plague, stealing the air he breathed.

Saying that Levi didn't care for physical contact was a vast understatement. The sheer amount of people constantly pushing and pressing around him made his skin crawl. It elucidated what he thought the inside of a titan's stomach must feel like.

What was worse was what every person trailed behind them.

Their smell.

They could be piss poor, have less than a threadbare shirt to cover their back, but still carry a scent lethal enough to kill droves of titans.

Indeed there wasn't a soul Levi passed on the street that didn't tempt him to break off his own nose. The unsavory, unwanted details of the food they ate, the places they lived, and how long it had been since they'd taken a sanitary shit were all made chokingly obvious to him.

Good thing I didn't ask for help from M—

He cringed. It was too soon, too soon. Much to soon.

From Mike He'd wanted to say. But he couldn't—no, wouldn't.

But what I wouldn't give to have him here…

Levi felt his features flatten, and his shoulders slump. Suddenly instead of glowering at the thousands of filthy faces passing him, he was staring at two thousand slime encrusted foot coverings.

Yes, he decided. This was a mistake. All of it.

An hour into their mission and he already decided he needed to go home.

He could tell Historia he was sick. That would work, though he had never faked an illness before. But dealing with her and Nile for a week would be enough to make his already pounding head double in intensity. Maybe he could use that as an excuse. A reason to leave this sorry excuse for a massive shit hole.

Speaking of, where are…

Levi curbed his aggressive pushing through the crowd to look over his shoulder. Like a heavy stone thrown in a river, he sunk to a stop.

Where…Damnit! Where are Historia and Nile? They were right behind me!

Levi pivoted, hunting for his companions, eyes darting like a nervous rabbit between disorganized rows of heads. The growing flame in his head burgeoned and flickered. He ignored it.

If you need to find Historia and Nile, you won't have any luck in the middle of the damn road.

Nodding, Levi made his way towards the side of the street, where the current of people was more ebb than a flow.

Levi had visited the slums of several cities above ground before. Each was an unpleasant experience, but in each he found the same hardened look on the faces of the people that lived there. They were the poor, the lower class, the criminals and the orphans alike.

But they all had one thing that the people here did not.

They all had life in their eyes,

Under the veil of the underground, this city spun like a revolting churn. The people stopped looking human.

No one ever sought this place. It existed for nothing but dirty money grabs. Existing here was like getting a prison sentence. Because the world knew.

It was a nightmare. A never ending coma, stuck forever in terror and darkness. Only those most lucky woke up to see the sun and taste pure air.

The longer you stay, the less likely it is you'll ever wake up again.

Scowling, Levi lifted his scarf around his nose. There were few things in this world that he reserved his spite for. The underground was one of them.

Don't dwell on it, fool. No one forced you to come back. So at least have the decency to NOT screw it up. How did you even manage to lose them so fast?

The crowds moved and swayed, drunken around him, impartial to his spike of panic and unease until—

*SLAM*

Levi grunted in shock when someone collided with his side

"HEY," a voice hissed with venom," WATCH IT ASSHOLE!"

What the hell piece of—

Looming in front of him was a monster. All the words Levi had ever learned to describe powerful underground scum swirled in his mind now.

Gruff, evil, threatening,

The man's dark brows crested lower when Levi didn't respond to his malevolent commentary.

Huge, heavyweight, filthy, split-knuckled, gold toothed, bloodridden

The monster cracked his neck like the start of an avalanche, and made a fist. His beady eyes narrowed on Levi for a moment.

Frigid exterior, COLD, cold, cold, cold, with a cold fire that doesn't emit any light. He is the underground.

But then he was straightening, and pushing Levi to the side before leaving him in the dust and disappearing into the crowd.

Levi, staring after him, made no move to brush off the encounter. His head was crushed by the voice ringing in it.

Don't be so surprised, Ackerman. You've looked colder than that.

"No…" he whispered. He felt his surroundings fade as the whirlwind in his head sucked him under.

Oh, but you did, didn't you! You still have that same cold—

Levi desperately wished the voice in his head would stop reminding him how truthfully comfortable he felt here. Like the underground sang in harmony with his very soul.

It's almost like you missed it—

No!

Levi growled like a feral animal. The throb in his skull spiked.

Shut. The hell. Up. Never think that again. He asserted his consciousness.

Find. Historia.

He took a deep breath.

Find. Nile.

Another.

And get. The hell. Out of here.

And kept walking.

A vantage point. That was what he needed. Somewhere to get a higher perspective of the goddamn street and the sludge of creatures moving through.

And...there!

Scanning around him, Levi spotted a slope ahead and to the left. He immediately ducked through the tangle of limbs and faces, not wanting to spend a minute more in the crowd.

He shook off a shiver, his body struggling to decide if it was cold or numb. To feel pain or skip straight to shock. He couldn't shake the feeling of a toxic sickness sticking in the corners and cavernous ceilings. It clung to everything.

It's a goddamn shitty existence.

There were plenty of other words for it, but Levi knew those ones fit best. Not that he needed to spare it a sober thought.

Levi passed a corner market, sneering at the distasteful selection of "food." Past that, a corridor opened up, trailing onward before steeply dropping off into—

He froze.

The buildings on either side of the drop off towered over it like dark stilts propping open a gaping mouth. It seemed to grow as he stood still as a statue back on the street. The crowds moved around him, jostling him and cursing at his ignorance of them.

But he couldn't hear them.

Because screeching cries from the void at the end of the alley screamed up at him. Their voices grated on his nerves, clawing at his sanity.

Mom…

His body parts were shutting down, one by one.

The opessive darkness crowed into him in ways the people on the street never could. It seeped into his heart. His lungs.

Can'tbreathecan'tbreathe...

The void was so dark that Levi suspected god himself could have had dipped his brush into the lightest parts and come back with the color black.

The path to the Island lay before him, and he couldn't be more terrified.

—

The Island. That's what they called the area Levi grew up in. Ironic, right? Lowest of the low. In elevation and in concept. The deepest darkest dirtiest part of the underground. Isolated in its filth, and alone in its silent dilatory devastation.

An island, sure.

Island of scum.

The salt in an open wound. The runt in a pack of vultures.

Three murders a night. Eight in the day. You were rich if your income came with four walls around you.

Most people did business in the alleyway.

Most people slept in the alleyway.

Most ate out of it.

Everyone died there.

Levi struggled to contain his fear of such a fate while his heart burst out of his chest. He tried to become part of the background.

Don't find me—pleasepleaseplease—I'm not here. Damn it, I NEED this if I want to eat this week, so walk PAST me, PLEA-

Levi hunched over, listening, as a pair of panting ragged adults ripped into the alley.

No luck.

He searched frantically for an exit at the far side, already aware that it was fruitless. He knew this area better than his mother's- no. No, no, no...than his own face. There was no exit.

"Little rat ran in here…"

Levi's turned his head slowly, so as to not alert the people of his location. His eyes were wider than the holes in his shirt.

CRACK!

The other had lost his patience, and threw something into the wall. A barrel maybe.

"Get out here NOW, ya stupid bug, and we'll only whip ya a little!"

Shaking his head, Levi sidled backwards farther into the dim corridor.

There's no way they'd let me live after what I stole.

His foot smooshed into something. When he gazed down, he gagged and screamed at the same time, resulting in a small pained whine.

No, no, no. It's horrible! Why-

"Wait, Wait, Wait!... Hear that?"

Levi stopped the noise immediately.

He just stared down at his feet. Petrified.

The damage, however, had already been done. Heavy booted footsteps raced towards him faster than a slashing knife.

There was no time to think.

If there had been, Levi would be dead.

He dropped to his hands and crawled inside…

Skin tore. Something oozed into the rancid pool on the ground. White clattered together.

Levi held his breath. Closed his eyes. Waited.

The footsteps came closer. A muffled voice was reeling in angry confusion.

Don't think about it. Dontthinkaboutit! DONTTHINKABOUTIT!

His head started to pound. He needed oxygen. Soon. He kept almost perfectly still. Still as the grave...

Still as the massive corpse he was hiding inside.

Something crawled down his arm, but he didn't dare move to brush it off.

The voice of one of the adults got closer, then closer again. It sounded like he was standing right over him.

"Damned idiot! Can't spot a damn runt? It's my *** on the line too you know! I can't believe you just- aaaargh!"

And then the corpse' head was flying off. Levi felt it distantly, like it was a shadow of his own body.

Something gory slipped from the ceiling of his hiding place as the corpse was jostled, and splattered on his face.

It slid over his eyelid and across the bridge of his nose, like a wet tongue.

It's too much! I can't take it anymore!

Levi had never scrambled away from something faster. Not even when his life depended on it.

—

I hate this place.

Another wave of red hot rain diffused over his brain. It felt like someone was wrapping his head in a blanket made of pins and needles. He took a deep breath, barely hearing the young voice calling distantly at his back.

"Hey! Slow down, or we'll lose you!"

Scowling, Levi lifted his scarf around his nose.

Don't dwell on it, fool. No one forced you to come back.

He pivoted briskly away from the road to the Island, twisting back into the foot traffic.

And we will NOT be going down there so forget about it—

"LEVI!"

He whirled to face the voice, now screeching directly in his ear.

Leave me ALONE!

Historia's blue eyes shone under her cowell. Nile towered close behind her.

"What?" He gasped.

The sludge of people moved around them, leaving a hole in the endless river of filth.

"We almost lost you." She accused. "Slow down a little, will you?"

Levi only now realized how fast his heart hammered in his chest. How pathetic had he become in such a short amount of time? That an old path to his home—NO! It was never a home. And it shouldn't have this effect on him!

He make a—tsk—with his teeth and turned away, afraid that if he tried to say something his voice might give out. Blessedly, neither of them said anything else as they followed close to his back.

The sound of their footsteps behind him drummed into his head reminding him of why he was here. He let it ground him, telling his heart that, no, they were not stuck here and no, they would not be going to the Island.

It was all just bad memories. Nightmares. Nothing to dwell on.

So he shook it off.

The three pressed on, thankfully leaving the Island far behind as they trekked to the Riverfront district. The thrall of people diminished the further out they went, and the buildings even grew more and more scarce.

Here, the underground delved into tunnels, each burrowing into the depths of earth like massive worms searching for food. Levi knew they connected to other stairways eventually. Those ones were manned by Military Police, but he longed to run to them. To leave this all behind.

Nile and Historia remained silent for most of their journey, doing nothing to keep his mind occupied as they tookin the city with mixed reactions. Nile, understandably, walked with suspicion in his step. He subtly eyed around street corners and into empty doorways, always watching for danger.

Historia, on the other hand, looked horrified. She tucked her arms around herself, hugging in close as if trying to keep the touch of the deep off of her. It was futile, of course, but that didn't make it any easier to see her cringe away from each unsavory sight.

Which left Levi with his own trembling thoughts until they finally reached their destination.

"Is this it?" Historia asked, eying the tavern.

"Yes," He answered, grateful for the distraction. "People leave this area alone. It's an unspoken rule. We'll be safe from most things here."

The Riverside Tavern and Inn proudly attested to the fact. Siting poised on the side of a burbling dark expanse of water, it let it's welcoming architecture and design advertise for it. It had slanted roofs and cottage-like shutters stretching across the double floors. Wrapped around the front of the building was a porch that descended to the river and transformed into a small dock. The light from within was warm and welcoming, contrasting sharply against the dank blue and brown everything else around them held. To Levi, it was like seeing something in color after prolonged exposure to black and white.

He beelined towards it like a moth to a flame.

The door swung open with a squeak, alerting the desk worker to their presence. He looked up as they walked in, curious.

Levi took an extra long look around the main room to judge its cleanliness. A bright fire cheerfully burned in the hearth of the main room, lighting the space along with many smaller candles placed in lanterns on the wall. Piles of newspapers stacked by the door fluttered as the cool air from outside invaded the warm space. A small table and a few chairs decorated the room aside from the desk and the worker who they walked up to.

Levi wanted so achingly to run to the fire and let it melt off the chill in his bones. No matter how he turned or shifted, the cold seeped in like a window left open in the winter.

"I need to book a stay for myself and my two children." Nile announced, reaching the desk worker.

Levi scowled at him from behind his scarf.

Children? Since when was that our cover story?

"Certainly." The worker agreed, grabbing a paper and pen. "And how long would you like to stay?"

Nile glanced at Historia while speaking. "At least a week. Potentially more."

Levi stared at the wood paneling of the floor. A week. A week in the underground. Could he—would he make it?

No. Don't be ridiculous, he scolded himself. Erwin will send for you before a week is up.

He had to. Levi was sure that any longer than that and he would regret coming in the first place.

He shifted his gaze as Nile talked logistics with the worker.

The trickling sounds from the river were muted inside the lobby, but he could still pick out the noise amidst the din of the room. Resisting the urge again, he strolled past the fire over to the window of the lobby to catch a look outside.

The world beyond the filthy window was dark, reminding the sinking pit in his stomach that they were so very far from home.

He frowned, cupping his hands against the glass to peer through again. Now, he could clearly make out several spots of light around the bank of the river. A crumbling brick river wall formed the path that the river followed. It's inky blackness reflected only the barest pricks of light from lamps and windows. It traced into the endless night, circling back towards the heart of the city.

In a strange way it was beautiful. The same way that winter sunsets captured color in just the right way, despite the killing cold they required. Ereathrial and unique.

Something flickered in the corner of his eye. He glanced back at Nile, noticing Historia's awkward stiff pose. She was so out of place, so far removed from anything resembling normal. He pitied her. Really.

He moved his eyes back outside.

The glare from the light within was terrible. Levi pressed his face up as close as he dared against the smudged, foreign surface. The windows hadn't seen a good cleaning in weeks, he decided. The reflection of his face glared back at him, worse than a moment before. He could clearly see the outlines of his eyes, staring back from within his cloak. The dark outlines of his scarf and hood made his skin look deathly white and—

The eyes blinked.

Levi gasped, pushing away from the window. He tangled his limbs as he scrambled away, barely catching himself from a meeting with the ground.

WHATTHEHELL

Every eye in the room turned to him, all conversation stopping dead.

"Something is outside!" He yelped.

Nile's eyes immediately narrowed as Historia moved closer to him.

Levi pulled a knife from his boot, slowly moving up against the wall. He toed closer and closer to the window, ready to pull it open in a single motion.

He and Nile locked eyes. The commander nodded.

Levi jerked his arm forward and pushed the glass pane outward, knife brandished threateningly.

The cool air from outside trickled in, brushing locks of hair against his ear. Nothing else stirred. The distant sounds of the river along the quiet din of the underground was all that existed beyond the walls.

What..?

"I—I swear I saw something." He stammered, bringing himself back around. "A face. It was watching us."

"A face?" Nile asked, still poised for an attack. "What did it look like?"

The innkeeper scoffed at his table. "It's unlikely you saw anyone. We have contracts with merchants above ground. Thugs mess with us and they don't get fed." He straightened a stack of papers that the breeze from the window had jostled. "Is this your first time underground? You're the jumpiest customer I've had in weeks."

Levi bristled at the comment, but he found himself unable to answer. "I could have sworn…"

He stuck his head back outside, eyes gleaning over every patch of light. They lingered over every dark area, straining to see anything shifting or moving, but there was nothing.

"Levi." Nile called. Levi looked back and saw the commander giving him a look that said tell me later, but leave it for now.

He suppressed a shiver, scratching his head at a new spike of pain.

"Pardon the interruption." Nile turned back to the man, "But yes, we can pay in full."

Levi pulled the latches to the window shut, trying to process what had just happened. He moved back to the center of the room, frowning as Historia joined him.

"What did you see?" She pressed, eyes wide.

"I don't know." He shook his head, "I—I thought it was someone...or something. I don't know."

She stared at him, hands trembling as she tugged her cloak in closer

But Levi's mind couldn't erase the image of someone else's eyes staring back at him.

...----------------...

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