My Wounds

this life, why is everything so hard, why do we try so much to change the other person, every problem begins from there ..the moment we decide to change them ..is it really not possible to love someone the way they are..I mean why just why do everyone have to be the same ..I want to be loved ..i want to love ..but i am scared to death, love really makes a man weak plus who will see my love ..everyone wants money , they want everything except love ..I just feel so lonely..i have been alone since a long time but now this loneliness seems unbearable, dad never love me because I wasnt like other kids , whom should I blame for the way my body is ..it hurts ..mom ..she does love me ..yeah a lot to be precise but sometimes even she thinks that I am unlucky ..i am sasha ...I am the one who is totally alone ..except for my mom no one likes me ..actually that's a lie ..I have attracted few but I run away from them, as fast possible, as far as possible..I know they will all leave me one day, but before that they will give me hope and they themselves will break it ..i was standing outside the chemistry lab immersed in my thoughts and that's when I heard few girls whispering

girl 1 : that's ivan right

girl 2 : he is really something

girl 3 : just look at the way he is standing

girl 2 : now who doesn't know about him

girl 1 : but do you know that he is a very good person

girl 2 : oh ho ..seems like you know a lot about him

girl 1 : ..hmm sort of ..I spoke to him ..

girl 3 : what 😮😮you really did

girl 1 : yeah we even numbers

girl 2 : that soon 🤔🤔🤔

girl 1 : chill girls 😊😊he is very nice person..he only talks about studies and even advices me to learn well..

after hearing all this I too got curious after all who is this ivan about whom they are all talking..I looked at him ..for a moment i thought he saw me staring at him and was mocking me ..😳😳but may be not ..but then what's the big deal about this guy , I mean I didnt feel like he was majestic, in fact I feel like he is very egoistic perosn , who thinks that he is the king of this world , blindly over confident and over dominant..but I couldn't forget his face eventhough I only saw him for seconds..every time I thought about him , fear surged inside me 😔😔 why am I so scared of him ..why do I feel like he will destroy my life ..life is just the same..spending my classes alone, getting home , then seeing my dad struggling to control his anger , and mom who pretends like everything's alright , the only difference is Ivan's face and the feelings I get when it think....I just became more and more curious about ivan ..I saw that he loves to sleep ..he would take a nap whenever it's possible, he is good looking and girls are alreday dying for him but he is not paying attention to any girl plus he doesn't entertain them , his voice is very soft , I mean its very hard to hear..why does he sleep all the time..I have heard that people who sleeps a lot , are in pain they are very sad , so does that mean that Ivan has some unspoken pain like me ..is he alone in a crowd..

ivan ivan..what are you really like ..

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