I tilted my head to check the time. It’s 3 o’clock in the morning. I’m still thinking of Tiere. How is
she doing? Is she okay? I’ve texted her, I want to know how’s she doing but she didn’t reply. I want to call her but I afraid she has fallen asleep. My heart sank when I saw her crying earlier, which makes me hard to sleep, I keep on thinking about her. Am I a terrible boyfriend? I never face this kind of thing, how pathetic. I don’t even know how to cheer a woman in her hard time.
I grabbed my phone on my bedside table, maybe Google might help. I start typing “How to cheer my girlfriend”, resulting:
1. Reach out....
(DONE, I went to see her)
2. Listen to her.
... (DONE, she was totally mad)
3. Ask open questions.
... (DONE, she answered me)
4. Empathize, don't sympathize.
... (DONE)
5. Be there for your girl.
... (DAMN! I WENT HOME!)
6. Be patient.
... (OF COURSE I AM)
7. Give her space....(DONE, before I asked her to eat)
8. When she's talking, don't cut her off.
(NEVER CUT HER OFF)
My god, number 5 is stressing me a lot! I scrunched my eyes tight, screaming in the pillow. I am really a terrible boyfriend. I have to go and see her tomorrow morning, come on Ryan. Bring your change and insist to stay the night. I adjust my pillow, eyes looking up to the ceiling of my bedroom, I can feel that I miss her again. Her presence is somehow a sunshine to me, her cheerful, her silliness, her clumsiness are everything that made my day. When we lost contact and I was alone, my life was just a simple boring day like usually, the only thing I’d like to do is playing game.
Tiere, are you okay? Please sleep well Tiere.
***
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
I woke up abruptly, just changed my alarm tone yesterday with louder and different tone so I could remember what I have to do today. It’s 9.00 glowing in blue on my digital clock.
I wrapped the watch on my wrist and shifted a bag on my shoulder. I hope she is okay and or at least she has getting better. Should I find her a boyfriend? But I don’t have friends. She has to move on anyway, that guy doesn’t deserve her.
***
I’ve got myself ready. Chicken rice packed inside the plastic, her favorite chicken rice when we were kids. I loosened my jaw, trying to smile, then I lift my hand about to knock but I suddenly hear the door clicked open, she showed up with her yesterday’s t –shirt, her face is swollen and dead. She’s kinda startled when she found me standing in front of her. Did she cry all night? Damn! My heart hurts so bad, this is all my fault.
“Tiere?” my stiff smile slowly fade away, “How’s your day?” I put my hand down slowly. She gives me a thin smile like only 2 seconds, “I’m okay” she said with a shrug, eyes looking at the plastic I carry. I lifted the plastic up for her “Almost forgot, bought you chicken rice….. my dear” Ryan! You can do it, you are getting better at this. Even though my tongue is still stiff saying “Dear” or “Baby”. But let’s try, don’t stay nerd, Ryan. You have to be an adult boyfriend! She grabbed the plastic and about to close the door, soon I ceased her.
“Wait”
She paused and being skeptical “What?” she doesn’t silly smile or anything like she is totally mad at me, it makes me kinda afraid of her. Is she really mad at me? Or she isn’t in her mood right now?
“Can I stay the night?” I blew a harsh breath.
She sniffed a teasing smile, folded her arms over her chest and leaned by the door “What?” the top row of her teeth showed, and there is a faint curve to the lips.
“I…I..want to stay.. here..” damn! I hardly move my tongue again.
She clicked her tongue but still smiling, “Hey handsome nerd, what’s wrong with you? What meds did you consume yesterday?”
“You ..mad at me?” I’m tired standing up here. She rolled her eyes and mumbled, “No” but she seems totally pissed off.
“Tiere…” I exhale a harsh breath. Geez! This is so depressing. I never face this kind of thing in my entire life. Girls are so unpredictable.
“I’m not mad.. really” she shrugged and looked away.
I flared my nostrils and say, “Please let me in.. I will do anything for you” this is my last hope.
She quirked an eyebrow, “Anything?”
I nodded, “Yes, anything”
“Okay” she answered. I took a step in soon before she changed her mind. Tiere clicked the door lock and simply walk away with the chicken rice, she put them down on her desk and start rummaging the plastic. I sat on her bed, threw myself on the mattress. Somehow I feel her bed is more comfortable than mine.
“You haven’t slept, do you?” she asked.
I tilted my head looking at her. How does she know that? Do I look obvious? She pulled her hair back in a ponytail and wisps of it are falling down around her face. She tucks a piece behind her ear, then looking at me with an eyebrow lifted.
“You look like Walking Dead’s zombie, weirdo” she sneered.
“Be-because I was thinking of you Tiere” I explained. She paused without saying anything.
“Have you finish your breakfast? If you did please lay here with me?”
She threw her gaze away, changing her sitting position “I am hungry!” she answered in a shy voice.
“After you finished” I implied.
When she finished her brunch, she laid on the bed beside me. I tilted my head looking at her, “Do you like it?”
She nodded her head, “Yes, thanks” gazing straight to the ceiling of her room, “Sorry.. I was too sensitive earlier” she looks nervous all of sudden. I snorted a laugh, “What?” continue giggling, “Can you repeat one more time?”
She rolled her eyes and moaned “Urghh. Go get some sleep, you look so ugly!”.
“Okay, I comfort you yesterday.. or last week I don’t remember. Can you do the same today?” She changed her laying position, “Did you just mention ANYTHING for me earlier?”.
I shrugged my shoulders, “I just need a payback, that’s all”
“ALRIGHT” she moaned, she crawls on the bed to take a pillow and place it under my head. “Remember, I droll here every day” she reminded.
“I don’t care” I said, with a low chuckle. I move my head to her laps, threw away the pillow “Sweet dream, Tiere” and close my eyes.
“Sweet dream, dummy” she said with a giggle.
I don’t know why, laying on her laps is more comfortable then laying on the pillow. It isn’t because her pillow smells worst or whatever, but my heart simply chose that way. I can’t control myself. I just want Tiere to not mad at me cause there’s something in my heart I couldn’t explain, deep inside it hurts me a lot.
“Baby?” she mumbles. Tiere grabbed my hand, put it on her cheek and that’s when I feel my heart beats again.
“Love you babe” she whispered. Her whisper was the softest sound which seemed to bring the loudest heartbeat.
“You know.. I haven’t brushed my teeth since morning, and I did lick your face when you are asleep” she added with another soft whispers and every flutters inside my heart gone, my eyes popped up wide and I rose up from the bed abruptly, “EW GROSS!!” racing to the bathroom to wash my face.
She laughed really hard, “I WAS JUST JOKING!!” she yelled and threw me a pillow. I paused and turned my body, run to catch her and threw her to the mattress.
We froze as we realized how close we are right now. She made my heart beats again, I’m finding it harder and harder to breathe. My chest pounds with every heart beat like earthquake inside me. Tiere pushed me, and her face became red as tomato.
“Gotta take a bath” she rose from the bed and walking towards the bathroom. Suddenly it became so awkward.
I sit on the bed with blanket covering my legs but my feet exposed. I reached my phone and Caroline’s text popped up on my phone screen.
Caroline: Hi, good evening! (with a heart shape emoji)
My lips lifted itself, I smile and reply her
Me: Hey Carol
Caroline: Where are you right now?
Me: Tiere’s place
Caroline: Oh… sleepover?
Me: Yeaa
Like what I told her yesterday, I lied to make her jealous.
Caroline: I see… have you finished your thesis?
Me: Have finished all of them. Just need one time to meet the lecturer for some guidance
Caroline: We can go together
Me: Sure. See you!
Tiere showed up with a towel wrapping her head. She took only 5 minutes in the bathroom, how fast.
“Ryan? What would you like to eat?”
I lifted my head “Oh.. hey..Wanna go to Mc Donald?”.
She shook her head, “No, I prefer deliveries”.
“Mc Donald deliveries?”
“You want me to die of junk foods?”
“Okay….then?”
She rolled her eyes up means she is thinking with a finger on her chin. Tiere took a very long mumble until she clicked her fingers and say, “I know!”
“I want KFC” she continues.
I moaned, rubbing my face in depression “So what’s the difference??”
She jutted out her lips, “You don’t want to buy me KFC?”
“Alright alright, gonna order now”
It took about 10 minutes to arrive, since the KFC is quiet near to Tiere’s place.
“Ryan?”
“Yes?”
“What is your opinion of a woman who still ****** and not a ******?”
“Why would you ask?”
Tiere blew out a harsh breath, “I’m curious?”
“Well, depends” I said with a shrugged.
“People in this country like to judge women based on their virginity” she added, hands busy poking the chicken skin.
“Well, yeah..”
I cleared my throat “Do you want to go somewhere else?” cause I want to make her feel better, her life must be so depressing right now. She shook her head and look down, don’t know why.
“Nope. Just stay with me here, it’s more than enough”
I stay the night in her apartment. Her apartment isn’t that bad like how she described it. I just can sometimes hear a woman screaming “FCK YOU” clearly from here. I tilted my head, I can only see Tiere’s back, she sleeps facing the window. Is she asleep? She didn’t talk much today, is she sick? I poke her armpit.
Tiere clicked her tongue “Go away”
“You haven’t sleep?”
She nods “Yea.. what’s the matter to you?” speaking in deflated tone.
“Hey, you are being so sensitive today. Did I do wrong? Can I fix that?”
“Nothing.. you did nothing wrong. I was just being sensitive. That’s all” she muttered under her breath.
“Turn your body”
“Why would I do that?”
“You want me to lift you up?” I teased
“Fine” she spoke in exasperation, at the same time she turned her body.
“Now what?” she asked.
I moved my laying position closer to her and somehow I know this is all I want. I held her into my arms and say “Sleep well, Tiere”
For a while she doesn’t say anything, so I stay quiet, waiting her out. The only sound is someone’s television from the room next door, Tiere leans her head on my chest, which is slowly bursting out. I feel like my heart flutters a lot since we get back together, it beats faster and faster, but I am getting used to it, I feel comfortable by her side. All I want is for her to be happy, if this is what she wanted to do with me to help her out, then I will gladly do it for her. Well, at least we didn’t kiss anymore, cause I don’t want to do that to my own best friend. All I want is her happiness. As long as she is happy, then I am happy too.
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