That Unconditional Love 4

At least after she became my life partner it was my duty to give her enough love but I didn't even do that. From the beginning we both were different , she was emotional and romantic. Everyday her love for me increased. She would hold my hands everywhere. When I came from office she would do delicious cuisines. She would also do all my works. I always felt this rampant. I loved so many girls from my school days . Everybody used me in the name of friendship. So I never trusted anyone. After getting married we settled in Udupi. Your paternal grandparents really loved your mother for the love she poured on me. But I was always irritated. Your mother never allowed me to go on business trips since it was difficult for her to live without me for even a day. Even my friendliness to everyone especially to my female colleagues was not liked by her. She didn't had many friends. Her only desire was to stick to me at every moment. On this matter differences of opinion started. Her crazy love was torture for me.

A lot of times I travelled in bike to somewhere angrily after our fights. I would sit lonely some where. I was unable to understand the meaning of love after being defeated in love so many times. Your mother didn't had a matured outlook towards life. She would behave like kids. She often watched Disney movies and sketched herself like a princess and me like a prince. She didn't knew anything accept love. She was crazy about me. She would look after me like a small baby. She used to not have enough of me no matter how much she loved me everyday.

I thought after she would become a mother she would change herself. So I decided to bring you to this world but your mother told you would come in between our love. She didn't had any desire to be a mother even at 28 years of age. For her I was her only child. I was her only everything. She feared if you came in between us I would be separated from her.

But still when she conceived I looked after her with utmost care so that there was good impact on you. At last You were born and in hospital while I gave you to her lovingly she pressed your forehead and suddenly kissed my cheeks. The nurse smilingly went out of the ward. After that she kissed your forehead.

As you grew our responsibilities increased but still your mother's crazy love for me didn't decrease. If your mother kissed you once she would  kiss me thrice. How much she used to love you triple of that she used to love me. Her behaviour always made me feel that she didn't love you much. But I was very much attached to you.

Did I love your mother? I guess no! After you were born I completely dissolved in your love. I became far away from her. A lot of times I used to spend time with my friends but I completely neglected your mother. Her crazy love had become torture to me. I never loved her. I always suspected her. She was weird. I wondered why she loved me so much. I wondered if it was true or fake. She didn't even had crush on anyone else. She used to say " except you all boys in the world are like my brothers " . But there is no count on how many woman a man lusts upon in his life.

Your mother crossed 30. Naturally or by sorrow her beauty decreased day by day. I was always outside. I went on business trips frequently. Your mother used to cry hugging me tightly and kiss my cheeks again and again on the previous nights of business trips. A lot of times I used to scold her saying "don't act ,  sleep quietly."

As days passed our talks became less. A lot of times when I took you and your mother to Malpe beach she would hold my hand and try to say something to me. I used to feel embarrassed in the crowd there. Forgetting the crowd she used to hold my arms tightly and lean on my shoulders. All used to stare at us. All words she wanted to express me remained within her. She used to write them all in her diary. Like this day by day I got far away from her even though living together with her. She was never a modern girl like I always wished for. That time I met a 24 year old girl in my office. I was 32 then. I had become very close friend of her. She was a modern girl and she understood me really well. We both slowly got infatuated to each other."

Akshara became serious reading the letter.

To be continued......

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