Short Stories - Dear Diary - Smile

Dear Diary - Smile

Entry - August 5

Dear Diary.....

Today marks the day my husband died

He died a few years ago yet I can't get over it

Get over that he's gone...

Get over that he'll never come back.....

He left me and our kids all alone

Why did he do that diary!?

Why did he break his promise and leave!?

My friends and family say it's time I get over his death but no matter how much I try I just can't forget him

They even sent me to a psychiatrist and that's why I'm writing in this now

She says the first step to getting over him is to smile.....

And.....I've been trying

But....I don't know....it's not working

It should make me happy right?

When I smile, it should mean that I'm happy and content with my life.......

But why is it different for me!?

Why does smiling constantly remind me of pain and sadness!?

The pain of loosing my love and the sadness of remembering his last smile.

Why does it hurt when I smile!?

Why can't I just be like everyone else!?

I smile thinking that maybe if I do it often then I'll really feel happiness

I smile thinking that maybe I could forget all my pain and sadness

Why won't it work!?

Why does it hurt so much to smile!?

Why do I have to force it!?

Why can't I just be normal and smile like I mean it!?

Why do I want to scream!?

Shout at the top of my lungs!!

Why do I want to close my eyes and just sleep forever!?

I'm tired of putting up a front. I'm tired of faking it.

I just want to cry

I want to stay in silence and just cry

No more smiling....No more forcing myself to look happy..

But.......I can't

I have to smile

I need to smile so they can smile

So they can feel the happiness

I'll smile for them

End of Entry

Nixy

I miss you Nick....☺

Nixy

I miss you so much😢

Jenny

Mommy?😕

Nixy

Huh? oh baby?

Nixy

Do you need something?😊

Jenny

Can you play with us?😄

Lewwy

Yeah!!😄😄

Nixy

*chuckled*

Nixy

Sure, let's go😊

The End

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