“Hey”
I can’t see his face cause it’s blurry, he sounds slightly hoarse.
“Ani..” when he called me with that nickname, I figured out who is he, his face revealed clearly. The Andrea that I used to love.
“Which one do you like?” he is in pink knitted sweater, an arm wrapping around my shoulder. I gave him a long mumbles with a finger on my chin, “This one?” I said, pointing at the solitaire diamond ring, which is familiar to me. Somehow I feel conscious, like watching a movie and the actor and the actress are Andrea and me.
“Your taste is unique” he said, chuckling.
“Yes, I’m unique” I quirked an eyebrow, smirking.
“Then, let’s go” he said. “What?” I flinched. “I thought you will buy me one” I pouted. He gave me his tongue and say “Not the right time” and disappear by the entrance. “Hey!” I catch him up.
We are at the mall, it’s crowded, and I'm concerning about it.
“Are you sure we are dating here?”
He tilted his head looking at me, smiling “It’s fine” and he held my hands tightly, I feel warm and safe. Then when he gazes back straight, he paused, froze and looking surprised. I follow his gaze and I am surprised too. “Mrs...Wang?” he stammered. My mom?
My mom was standing still, eyes popped up wide and begin walking towards me, “ANA?!” she yelled, she looks very angry. “What is this?” she asked, pointing at Andrea, Andrea froze but he start calming my mom, “Mrs.Wang.. don’t get us wrong.. I wil..”
My mom slapped Andrea’s face and Andrea was standing still didn’t dare to speak a word. “WRONG?” my mom’s eyes widened, scary looking at Andrea. Andrea looked down and I feel so bad about it. The anger of my mom’s showing how pissed she is, she lifted her arm about to slap him again but I stopped her. “Mom? We are at the mall. Please..”
“GO HOME!” my mom rudely pulled my hand and begin walking. I swallowed that anger when it was a fire-seed and forgot to drink something cool, and so it grew in my belly until it came out as hot as any dragon has ever flamed.
“MOM!!” I ceased her hands, yelling.
“I DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED!” I yelled. “YOU NEVER CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL!”
Everyone at the mall staring at us, like shooting drama. I was kinda ashamed of it. Can I just disappear?
As she forced me by pulling my hand, I glance over at mom's face, still smoldering underneath her stony expression. Her rages seem pointless to me, although I never say so. I ceased her arm one more time, glaring at her. My mom paused, lifting her hand about to slap me in the face.
I woke up abruptly, gasping for breaths, lift my hand, staring at my finger where the ring was put on, the exact solitaire diamond ring in my dream. So, this ring was bought when I was still dating with Jason? Or I’ve engaged? I don’t understand about it.
This time, my head hurts even more and more, I feel like my brain twisting inside my head, cause the dizzy extraction inside my brain is too painful, I see black spots, nearly blackout. I lean back on my bed, holding my head and close my eyes.
“What was that just now?” I talk to myself, when I opened my eyes, I feel normal, but it’s still twisting, even though I feel better than before. I held my head, standing unsteadily, I have to take another medicine to ease the pain of my head. It was chaos in my head, ruining my whole morning when first I saw mom in my dream. I gulp a glass of water and the medicine, lean my body by the countertop, standing unsteadily, dialing Andrea’s phone number.
“Andrea?” I said as he picked up my call.
“Yes? Ani? Anything important?”
“Oh..no… just…” I muttered under my breath, “I did have a dream about the day we go to the mall”
“Oh..” he looks speechless, sounds like thinking “Ani, go check your engagement photo book. You’ll find something, a doctor you know”
I nod my head, “Got it”. I sat down on the dining table, 15 minutes later when I feel better, I go to the room where the boxes are still scattering around the room. Then I took the photobook where last I put them above the stacks. Maybe this is all Andrea’s plan? Why the hell he knew everything about the photobook?
I flip the book over and over again, looking for a clue. Then I found someone’s picture, which is familiar to me. Dr.Lim, Vivi’s ex –boyfriend?
I put the book aside, thinking. Is this what Andrea’s mean? I remember Dr.Lim was dating Vivi during her college time. I remember so much about him somehow, he is taking the pharmacy major and psychology, lastly the brain speciality, he is genius.
Yes, he is the doctor I know. Should I go check him out?
I walked back to my room, turning my computer on and start searching.
Jeremy Lim. My classmates, and Vivi’s ex boyfriend must know something about me since he is a brain doctor.
I dialed his phone number. “Hello? Hilton’s Clinic. May I help you?” this must be the nurse.
***
“Number 309”
I stood up, holding the paper. “Me” I said, begin walking towards the nurse.
“Hello, good evening”
Yes, I queued and waited for 10 hours. His clinic is way too famous in the town. “ALANA?” he was kinda shock when he lifted his head found me standing in front of him. He stood up and give me a friendly hug. “Long time no see” he said. “Jeremy” I smile, trying to be natural even my jaw turns rigid. He gave me a gentle tap on my back “How are you?”
“I’m fine..”
Then he sat back on his chair and I did the same in front of him,
“Is there anything..”
“Jeremy..” I cut him off, he flinched and kind of startled when my mask is off, now I look hella scary and serious. His eyes widened.
“Did I come here for a treatment? 2 years ago?”
Jeremy leaned his body backward, his hands are on his lab suit’s pocket.
“You have anything regarding to your past memory?”
I nod my head, “Yes”
“I remember some, like during my dream and…” I shrugged, “Like maybe sometimes when I saw something familiar”
“That’s naturally happen. I know it’s not going to be so easy” he added, he seems calm and relax.
“Jeremy, is that anything happened to me? That make is so serious?”
“Alana, can I check you? I mean, I have to scan something in your head” he pointed his own head. “Since it’s been 2 years and Vivi refused to take you here.. she cares a lot about you, Ana” he added. So Vivi knows everything? Yes, cause she’s like a sister to me, she takes good care of me too. “Okay” I nod my head.
We did some checkup on my brain, he got me a CT scan. Then once it’s done, he shows it to me.
“These are your x –ray head and brain radiography” he pointed.
“Can you explain it with a soft language? Cause I know nothing about doctor’s stuff”
I giggled. He sniffed a smile, “Alright, as you wish”
“The simple explanations are like this” he starts “You are actually in some treatments during your amnesia, you were here for that. Then suddenly, Vivi moved you to Beverly for extreme treatment” okay, I got it.
He continues, “Right now, your brain insisting to remember such past since you meet some people of your past, or something regarding to your past. That’s why you have sparks of the memory”
He sat down back on his chair, “I don’t want to lie to you, Ana. But there’s something happen after your amnesia. Actually you only forget some people and some memories, some feelings in your life. But not all of it. So it’s kinda mystery to me too when you forget the rest of your 1 or 2 years memory”
The wheels spinning on my head, I believe in Jeremy, he did great anyway. He gave me hints, but that means..
“That means they move me to Beverly once after I had amnesia treatments here?”
“Yes” he nodded, “You have terrible injures in your head. I want to help you, but they insisted to let you forget”
“What happen? What makes them prefer to let me forget it?”
He sniffed another smile, “I know nothing about it, Ana. You know I and Vivi broke up after her diploma’s graduation right? And she refused to talk too much with me, especially about your case”
Right, we were only 21 back then.
“Vivi didn’t talk much about your accident. You were here once you became conscious and lost some of your memories”
“So, after my accident? What accident?”
“You have a terrible car crash by the cliff near The Bingo Apartment. You were injured so bad, I know less about it since Vivi and her friends paid much to keep the media shut” he explained. “And you were in coma for few weeks” he added. “But you were in Gianyar Hospital during your coma”
It means, I was in another hospital during my coma, then after I conscious, I was brought here. Now, it makes sense to me.
“Thanks Jeremy. I would never made it this far if you didn’t tell me the truth” I shake his hand firmly. “My pleasure, and get well soon!”
On my way home, I keep on thinking…
The cliff, that cliff has been tall –fenced right? I don’t remember the detail last few months but I have to check it myself.
I drive to the exact place and park my car aside. Then I sat down near the cliff, holding the fence with my hands, I put my head on the fence, closed my eyes, I hope there’s some memories came in my head.
1 minute
2 minutes but I didn’t make it.
“HELL!” I punched the fence but it got me pain. I was so fuckn stupid.
I walk back to my car, throw myself inside, rummaging my handbag and found the ring Andrea gave me yesterday. I rest my head on the steering wheel, “this is so frustrating” I said. I want to remember something but I couldn’t. This is so shit.
I straightened my seat and start the car.
WAIT.
If I had an accident here, which means I could go check it myself to the police officer right? I turned the steering wheel to the left. I can do it myself.
***
The police officer is deserted, maybe because it’s 7 something in the evening, where most of them has gone home. I walk to the customer service, where I can only see a lady with officer uniform behind the glass.
“What can I help you, Miss?” she asked.
“Hello, I’m Alana” I gave her my ID card, she scan it on the scanner and returned it back. “What can I help you?”
“I want to ask about the accident” my tongue stiffened “I mean the car crash on the cliff 2 years ago. Date 20th June 2018”
“We can’t give you the files, but we can give you the brief case, since you are involved” she turned her body and call out “Detective Rumaja!” and a man with exotic black skin appeared from his office. “Car crash 20th June 2018 case” she added. The woman welcome me to a room, where there’s only a CCTV in the corner and a grey table.
“Hello Miss Alana. What can I help you?” he asked.
“Oh..sir.. I am Alana Wang, the victim of the accident. I just want to know something about is since I have an amnesia”
He put his hands on the table. “Miss Alana Wang, this case is confidential”
I blew a harsh breath, then why the hell he let me in this room?
“I can tell you the accident and how it happens, but we can’t tell you the exact person who wants us to keep this case close”
“No problem” I can find it out myself once I get the hell out of here. The thing is I want to know about the accident details.
He flipped the cover and begin reading. “The car crash happens at night, 19:00, 20th June 2018. Ms.Alana Wang is the driver and there’s another lady, Ms.Faye Huang in the passenger seat. The car lost its balanced because of purposely broken brake, the case closed because of the victim’s family refused to continue”
MY MOM? At the moment I feel blank all of sudden when I heard my mom involved. I feel like I want to cry, but I hold it tight. Cold sweat rushing down from my head, my head starts spinning, but I still have to remain calm.
“Miss?” he flinched me, “Can I continue?” but he seems careful. I nod my head, smiling,“Yes”.
“Ms.Alana Wang survived but with severe injuries on her head, and cracked bones in her chest. Ms.Faye Huang didn’t survive”
I fell down from the chair soon as Mr.Rumaja stood up to catch me. “Miss are you okay?”
My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes take in more light than I expected, every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up. That’s how I feel right now, trying to remember how to breathe, unable to speak, totally stunned as my mom’s face bounces around inside my skull. There’s nothing in the world could help me right now. I’m unforgiveable, I killed my mom.
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