Chapter 8 - Near The Reality

I stared at the digital clock on the bedside table glowing with numbers 02.30, then at the ceiling of my room in turn. I felt the tiredness in my chest, in how I breathed and my thoughts dragged by in slow motion, slunk to a quiet spot

and curled up. I found it hard to sleep, it’s between anxious or concerning about things. I wait for Vivi patiently, hope that I could find the answer soon. She will be home by tomorrow noon and promise will come by soon after she departed. I changed my laying position, still can’t believe I cheated from Jason after we engaged. That’s the most disturbing past in my head. I thought it would be a beautiful mystery, but it turns out scaring me a lot. I scrunched my eyes tight and turned my body to scream in the pillow. Tears dropping, I can’t believe I betrayed Jason. Karma exist, huh? I am eating my own shits

right now. I rolled over and looking straight to the ceiling of my bedroom.

“Jason” I lifted my hands up catching the shadowy streetlights from my uncovered window.

“I am so sorry” I said as my tears flowing down my cheeks, I can’t believe I did that to him. I changed my laying position again, now facing the window, that’s when I heard my phone beeped. I stretched my arm to reach my phone, Andrea’s text popping up.

“Are you doing good?”

I sniffed a smile, I don’t know I was between happy or sad or hate.

“I’m fine” I texted back

He quick replied “Don’t lie”

“I know how it feels, Ani. Really.. but you just don’t know the complete answer” he texted again.

“What complete answer?” I asked.

“It might hurt your head so badly if I did, cause I wasn’t allow to bring that memories back that quick”

What does he mean? Amnesia didn’t work that way.

“What the heck” I replied.

“Just trust me.. you need Vivi soon for that”

“I’m sorry” he added.

I clicked my tongue, didn’t reply him anymore. I was either mad or in love with him. I don’t know the reason for sure but I will find out soon. I hope Vivi will cooperate, so I don’t need to struggle too much.

***

TING TONG TING TONG TING TONG

“YES” I yelled, I took a glimpse of my glowing digital clock, it’s 9.17. Vivi is finally here!

I clicked the door open and say “Damn you gurl, I’ve been waiting for you like h…”

Andrea stood there smiling, I thought it was Vivi at first. My smile slowly fade away “What happen Andrea?” but my heart hurts so bad. It’s between hurt and sad.

“Have you had your breakfast?” he asked.

I adjust my cardigan, shaking my head. “No” I replied and looked away.

His smile faded away slowly.

“Just come in” I said and step aside.

“No..” he sniffed a smile, masking his own depressions.

He tried to smile again, “I was just came by to drop you a breakfast”

That’s when I feel my heart fluttered, is that so?

I lifted my head looking at him, my eyes locked on his face.

“Eat well” he lifted the plastic of something for me.

I give him a smile, a stiff smile, accepting his breakfast. I don’t know what does he buy me, all I can see is white plastic and a Styrofoam box inside.

“Bye..gotta go” he said and wave his hand, I saw his back went farther then he turned back just to remind me “Lock your door”. I waved back at him, I don’t even got the time to thank him.

I turned my head and startled by a tall and thin figure, “WHOA!”

“VIVI! YOU SCARED ME TO HELL!!” I yelled.

Vivi fold her arms on her chest, giggling “dating too much, you don’t even realize

when I stepped in”

“but how could, you..”

She shrugged her shoulders,

“Now what”

I clicked the door locked and step inside, put the breakfast on the countertop and leaned my body on the sofa.

“I remember my past things..” I said as I looked away, feeling not so ready all of sudden. Vivi sniffed a smile, “I know it gonna happen” she mumbled, like whispering but not really a whisper cause I can hear it clearly. But she didn’t look concern or disturbing at all.

My eyes popped up wide, “What do you mean?”

“Since you two reunited”

“What so important about that? Right now I want to ask you a lot of questions”

She stays steady “Then ask”

“Did I really cheating on Jason?”

Vivi threw her gaze away, “Look, Alana.. You are going to regret this”

“You two seems to be destined. But I don’t recommend you to dig out your worst past you had” she said with a shrug, "I should have take my eyes on you earlier" she said desperately.

“But I must know!”

“If you want to live in peace, this is the best for you”

I rolled my eyes, “There’s no use for me to live this life without the truth”

“Truth hurts, Ana” Vivi was about to leave but I stopped her, “But I don’t care, Vivi” I'll just keep begging until she tells me the truth. Although it is impossible.

She exhales a harsh breath, “Ana, the truth will never bring you peace. Believe me you won’t

like it at all!” she grunts.

I clicked my tongue and say, “If my past is only me having an affair with Andrea, I think that’s not a big problem”

“Ana, you are god damn stubborn!!” she raised her voice.

I rolled my eyes and moaned again, “Vivi, there’s no peace if I live this life like this. It haunts me!”

“Okay” she stood straight, “Now, promise me”

I stared at her, demanding answers.

“Promise me not to make the same mistake again”

The same mistake? Why Vivi and Andrea keep talking about the same mistake I made?

“If you want to know the truth, go on. Find it yourself, we can’t help you”

And this is what I hate of, why don’t they just tell me what happen, and done. Mission accomplished.

I rolled my eyes again, until I got my eyes tired. “Why you both keep saying that things? Isn’t that easier for you guys to tell me directly? Then it wouldn’t take too much time for me wandering around”

“Ana, oh my god. You are really stubborn!”

“We have no choice, Ana!” she raised her voice.

“Then what was actually happening to me? If I got amnesia then tell me the truth and I will remember”

She clicked her tongue and say “It wasn’t that simple, Ana”

“You gotta trust me” she lost her temper, this time she looks pissed off.

“Okay..okay” I gave up. She won’t tell me anything though, there’s no use for me to force her. Should I call Jason?

“Don’t call Jason” she added, damn she read my mind.

“Don’t ever call him. It is going to be a big disaster” she stated.

“Why?” I insist.

“If you call Jason, then you will hurt yourself. Jason is kinda sensitive about it”

“Vivi” I said, now I sit on the sofa, I tap the sofa to let her seated. She followed my lead and sit beside me.

“Then tell me what happen, when Jason found me cheating”

Vivi blew a harsh breath, holding my hands, I can feel her warm palms. Now she looks worry, “Alana. That time when you cheated….” she closed her eyes, like such a horrible ghost story to tell. Vivi seemed concern all of sudden, I can feel it.

“He was not angry. But he was so sad, I even blamed you that time” she replied, “And when I know you cheated, I was so disappointed” she admitted. “I didn’t know how to react, I know you were wrong. But besides that, you are like sisters to me. So I tried so hard to persuade you, to leave Andrea instead”

“Then?”

“Then…you did. But things happen”

“Things happen?” I repeated. I quirked an eyebrow looking at Vivi’s frowning in depression all of sudden.

“That was the worst moment in our life, Ana” she added.

“Now, eat your fucking breakfast and take a rest. I am done talking and will head back to my office” she stood up, adjusting her skirt.

“Wait” I hold her hand.

“Are you leaving?”

“Yes.. don’t be a clingy puppy” she looked at me in disgust.

“Bye” she added and rushed out, “Lock the door”.

I leaned my head on the sofa facing the ceiling of the room, my heart filled with love, a past love. But somehow it hurts me a lot when I know I cheated on Jason. It’s awful. I close my eyes and suddenly I feel sleepy.

It’s an empty white room something, but I see no wall no ceiling no floors. Like nothing in this place. I turned my body, looking behind me and saw a woman with ponytail hair, a greasy ponytail, wearing old school dress walking towards me, it’s so familiar. I walked towards her and we became closer and closer. “Mom?”

I know it’s mom, I run towards her but she became farther and farther, I clearly saw her walking towards me I have no idea why she became farther and farther.

“MOM!!” I yelled again, “MOM COME BACK!!” I desperately run and fell to the ground, but then I saw the car crash under me, the cliff without tall fence.

I woke up abruptly, gasping for breaths, then I walked to the kitchen and gulp a glass of water. Cold sweat rushing from my head, it soaked my back wet. “What was that?” I said between my breaths, still can’t believe what I saw in my dreams.

Crashing, crashing.

Then I rushed to my room, turn the computer on quickly and type.

CAR ACCIDENT ON THE CLIFF

A woman (22) crashed her car from the cliff. The information is now confidential.

Date: 20th June 2018

I feel cold and sweaty, my skin turns gray. I feel weak all of sudden but in rapid pulse, my breathing is irregular and I feel dizziness in my head.

I engaged in January 2018, went to S.E.A. with

Andrea in March, then I got car crash accident in June. That year is the worst.

I remember I took all my diary and stuffs from Jason house, which I left it alone in the empty room. I rose from my chair and rushed to the empty room, rummaging the boxes with books and else.

Year Book, Year Book, Year Book.

My Photo Albums with my friends and my family.

My old drawings.

My comic books.

But there’s nothing like diary.

Who is behind this? How can they keep the evidence so tight until I didn’t realize I have a dark past like that? I remember so well I wrote diary before I got married. I stood up to check the full box with a lot of comic books inside, then I came up into a photo album. It is my engagement photo album with the

title:

“Engagement Year 2018. Jason & Alana”

I sit cross –legged and put the album above them. I flip the cover and found the pictures of me and Jason hugging, kissing on the cheek and my heart hurts so bad. I was wearing a white mermaid dress designed by a famous designer from Jakarta. Jason was wearing a white suit that suited to my dress. I smile happily in the picture, saw my hair was still short and tied in braids. How can I cheat if I do look happy like that?

I flip the other pages and the other and the other again. Then I saw Andrea’s picture talking with Vivi, Vivi looks delighted, like he has a really funny jokes to tell. Then the other picture is me, making peace sign to the camera. The other is me and Vivi, Andrea peeps his head between us.

Then I flip and flip the other pages.

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