The bar is busy of conversations told in loud voices, most of them dancing with the rock music that dominates the atmosphere. The crowd is from young teenager like maybe in their 17th, students from the university for the most part and some adults like me in their 20 something. The bar curves into the room, dark in the barely lit room. Through the windows, the diamonds of lead panes, trickles the sallow light of street-lamps. Once it was of cigarette smoke only, the perfume that clung to clothing, skin and furniture alike but now it is stale beer and body cologne. I sat down on the empty bar while the bartender with white shirt that tight in his biceps come approaching me, "what would you like to order my lady?" his hands busy shaking the bottle of whatever it is."Cosmopolitan" I replied him, I am a Cosmopolitan Cocktail lover, mostly with it when I come over, I doubt he doesn’t know me or he is actually pretending to be cause I can see it from his eyes, he knows me, the bob –haired woman mostly alone in the bar sipping her pinky cocktail. How pathetic.
“Alana!” I turned my head as I heard a man calling out for my name, it’s Andrea, today he is in loose hypebeast t –shirt and black skinny ripped jeans. Looks pretty cool in casual, if I could say. I admire him too much.
“oh hey”
“areyou alone?” he asked.
“Nope, with my friend” I pointed with my thumb.
“ANDREA !” we both tilted our head towards a man waving his hands to call out for Andrea.
“Gotta go. See you soon, Ani” he taps my shoulder and disappear in the crowds.
"GOTTA GO. SEE YOU SOON, ANI"
The word -Ani echoing inside my head, the blurry sparks of memory bubbled in my head. The words that sound familiar to me. A man…..can’t see his face, waving his hand towards me saying “Gotta go! See you soon, Ani!” and walk away. My head hurts…again and again… I got weird memories since I fainted at the cafe. Alright Alana, you have cancer inside your brain.
Vivi poked my hip then sat beside me and twist the chair as she is now facing me with an arm leaning on the table.
"I saw you talking to a guy"
"umm" I mumbled, the bartender slid the cocktail towards me.
"yeah..he is the architect" I spoke as I touch side of the glass.
"waw, he is hot from behind, you gotta be kidding me"
I flicked hair over my shoulder and scrunches up my face in a way that means I'm thinking. That memory brings me curious. But Alana, you don’t f*ckin care. Okay, now…enjoy the bar, drink as much as you want. Then out of nowhere a tall Russian –guy come over and pokes Vivi on the shoulder, "a dance?" he asked.
“Albert!” she exclaimed, she gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Vivi winked at me and disappear in the crowds holding Albert's arm.
The neon light flashed everywhere, people are screaming and dancing on the dance floor. The music was as loud as thunder, it made the cutlery on the tabletops rattle. I tilt the chair looking at the party people dancing with an arm rested on the bar, holding a glass of vodka cause I have finished my cocktail 10 minutes ago.
A shadow of a tall man standing beside me. I lift my head looking at him towering over me, its Andrea the architect. He came back.
"Andy?" I unconsciously called him with that name, it came out from my brain.
"You remember?" he widened his eyes. He looks pretty shocked. I shrugged my shoulders "I mean Andrea”.
Andrea's eyes popped up wide, he spaced out. I was confused at first, "I me-"
He snorted a laugh, okay this is awkward. He sat beside me facing the crowds, tilting his head towards me as I did the same, so we are staring at each other, like for few seconds. My heart
thumps, he says "Ani..I mean Alana, you..."
At the moment my vision blurred, I stormed out, blood pulsing, spinning headache that plays a clip,
"Ani" the word echoes, calling that name "Ani..."
"Ani..." the second thing I hear is my own heart beats.
"Ani..I'm sorry... it's all my fault" a man, crying. His face is not clearly seen, he is wearing a loose brown T-shirt and black jeans, he fell on his knees, kneeling as I am being pulled farther and farther away from him, then I saw the long –lamp shining above me, one by one past away in the pale green painted hallway.
"Hey! Alana !" Andrea held my arms.
My vision disappeared. The thumping disco music filling my ears. I lift my head, Andrea was looking at me with worried expression. I stood up and sit back on the bar, holding my head that still hurt a little.
"Are you okay?" he asked. I lifted my palm, "I'm okay. thanks"
I twisted the chair now I am facing the bartender, Andrea did the same, he crossed his arms on the table. I sip my vodka, at the same time I became curious,
"anyway.."
Andrea tilted his head, waiting for me to finish my word.
"How do you know me?" I finally got the urge to ask him, I was careless at first.
"mmm" he mumbles like 3 seconds .
He flared his nostrils, "classmate?" he continued, eyebrow lifted.
Yes, maybe he is just the invisible nerd guy in the classroom. That's the reason why I can't remember him.
"So.." he clears his throat
"how about your husband? not coming here?"
I sniffed a smile, "I divorced". OK, this is embarrassing but I look like a single young lady, maybe he would think the same right? I am still young..
He widened his eyes, looking unbelievable. “Really?”
"what do you mean?" he is surprised, and seems like doesn't trust me indeed.
"I mean…. I divorced" I shrug my shoulders.
He lifted his eyebrow, still not believe me. This is my personal life so I shouldn’t share it too much to a stranger like him or the invisible ex classmate like him to be specific.
“Sorry” he clears his throat and gazing at the crowds.
Andrea sits next to me sipping his cocktail, enjoying the noisy music. But thing goes rough, I ended up taking too much since Vivi hasn’t come back and I just want to drink as much as I can, it was Andrea’s fault, he talked about Jason while I almost forget him. And Vivi, I don’t know whether she is still here or busy going to somewhere else flirting with those hot Russian dude. I don’t know.. I got drunk, I feel tired.. especially in the head, I feel like half melted ice cream. I stood up, leaving Andrea. All I need to do right now is go out and find Vivi or I could just order taxi to send me home. The harsh scent of drink can be smelt. They can see me struggling to keep my balance, and I know I’m struggling to keep it. It’s like some sort of outer body experience. My legs don’t work as I tell them. Neither do my hands. Or my fingers, or my head. Somewhere, deep inside I know my brain is sending signals telling me what to do. Whether or not my body is listening is a different story. I can feel it moving. It can feel it doing what it wants. Andrea reached me, holding my arms tight when I was about to fell off from my balance.
"Ani!" then he clears his throat, "Alana !" he rubbed his forehead, like he has done so terrible mistake just now. I don't understand why he became so familiar to me.
We are facing each other, somehow, I feel like crying, Jason’s face appeared in my head, his smile, his gentle hug, the love we shared for 6 years but ended up like this ….is horrible….
"you know ..." I touch his arm with my fingers gently then his chest and last his cheek, poking his cheek as I make a sound “pip”. I rest my head on his chest as I can hear his heart beating fast, is this Jason? I closed my eyes imagining him. EH ! NO THIS IS NOT JASON!
The vodka makes my heart beats faster, it echoes in my ears as the firing squad approached. It beat so loudly that it seemed to want to escape my chest, to flee the oncoming bullet. They counted down to their own demise as surely as a ticking bomb really to blew up.
"Jason cheated on me.." I sobs, tears streaming down like waterfalls, I wrap my arms around his shoulders. He stoned, staring at me without blinking.
"with a beautiful sexy sl*t, she is a hot b*tch with sexy ******" I held my ****** tight, he was a lil bit shocked when I did that.
"its...." I continue crying.
"his secretary...." and it became louder and louder. I sobbed hard on his chest, my shoulders are trembling.
"Let’s go home?" Andrea smiles, gently grab my hand. We went out to the exit then I brushed aside his hand…"I don’t want to go home..." I sit on the ground, pouting, crying like a kid asking for toy, some people outside the bar watching us playing the drama. I heard small chatters, like maybe they are talking about me but I don’t care. Andrea smiles, he is so calm and sweet. Then he squats down, gazing my eyes, with that peaceful expression, "do you need a ride ?" he asked.
A RIDE ? PIGGYBACK?
"a piggyback? Yes!" I exclaimed, stood up and get on his back, I leaned my head on his shoulder. The parking lot seemed far, I feel tired... can’t hold it any longer.. all I need is sleeping right now. I yawned, the only thing I remember before I fell asleep is, Andrea’s smile when he turned his head looking at me mumbling like a kid. I barely remember what did I say.. or do after I threw myself on the ground.
I awake to the steady patter of rain upon my window, droplets yet to scatter the nascent rays of rising sun, the sunshine slid through my white polkadots patterned curtains. The sound of the rain bring calmness to mind, a soothing natural lullaby that makes me hardly move from bed. My back is sore, my head hurts. What did I do yesterday?
A slash of memory of me talking to Andrea and he carried me on his back.
What? I sit straight on the bed, my brain is working hard, trying to remember the last
thing I did, I sit on the ground pouting at him I don’t know why.
Oh my Ana, you are so stupid. This is so embarrassing.
I groaned, ruffling my hair. Damn Alana!
My phone beeped for several times in repeat, I turned my head at my blinking phone screen on the bedside table. I reached my phone and scan my face id to unlock the screen.
"Ana"
"Ana"
"Ana"
"Ana"
"Ana"
"WHERE ARE YOU BTCH"
"YOU LEAVE ME"
Was sent yesterday midnight.
Today’s
"HEY"
"HEY"
"Ana"
"Ana"
"Ana"
"Ana"
"Ana"
"HEY"
"WAKE UP"
"HOOIIIIII"
I typed "Hey I just woke up" replied her, then another beeped.
"YOU! where did you go yesterday?"
"I don’t know I don’t remember"
"where are you?"
"home.That guy sent me home yesterday…I guess" is that? Or something happened to
me before I arrive here.
"who? that hottie? did you guys fck?"
"hell no Vivi. Don’t be a jerk. It’s Andrea anyway"
"ah…that hottie. What a shame. You didn’t f*ck"
"shut up. I need more rest bye"
I locked my phone and threw myself on the mattress, I remember..
The smile Andrea gave me yesterday... is familiar.. especially when he said
"do you need a ride?" with a big smile across his face, that sweet and gentle expressions…... Then, the word "piggyback" bubbling inside my head. piggyback........
My head hurts, another spinning session, I clenched my fist. piggyback piggyback echoing inside my head.
A man's lips with his big smile "do you need a ride?" The gentle and sweet touch of his strong arms.. my heart throbbing hard. "Erghhhhhh" I whimpered. My head hurts so bad.
I used to be so careless... I care nothing... as long as my life is okay.. but that slice of memories make me curious. What is happening to me ? What is that ? And what is going on with me recently ?
drrttt drrttt
tringggggg tringgg
My phone’s ringing, I feel less lightheaded, at least I can hear the ringtone clearly and my vision went back to normal. I stretched my arm to reach my phone,
"Hallo?" the man's voice, the gravelly calm, toneless, slightly hoarse.
"ha..haloo?" I replied.. I have no idea who is he. He sounds familiar.
"It's andrea" he chuckled
"ohh" no wonder he sounds familiar. I clear my throat.
"how are you doing ? getting better ?"
"ahh.." oh my god this is bad, I really went home with him! did we sleep? or fck? oh no I don’t remember anything. sht this is bad. Cold sweat rushing down my forehead.
"don’t be shock" he sniffed a smile
"we did nothing. I just carried you on my back, anyway I checked your ID card to make sure where you live but since you said you have divorced, I assume you have moved out, then I found your keys with the logo and the room number. I was lucky.. " he explained.
Oh genius, he recognized the tiny logo on the keychain and yes I tend to be so forgetful so I wrote down the room number on the keychain with my nail polish.
"th...thanks" I hardly move my tongue.
"it's fine"
"so.. I gotta goo..." I mumbled. I don’t feel like talking right now.
"yaps. see you next month? Gonna held another meeting with you since I have designed the whole room for you"
"right..next month .. bye" I stuttered.
"bye" and I hung up.
***
"An-andrea?" Vivi stoned looking at her phone, somehow her heart beats so fast that it feels like exploading. Vivi's legs weakened, she quickly grab her couch and sat onto it before she collapsed.
"This is going to be hard" she whispered.
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