Chapter 1 - The Beginning

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The room buzzed with excited chatter and children ran between the tables. Then the bride and groom entered, applause spread across the room. There was the scraping of chairs as folks got up for a standing ovation and the happy couple made their way to the head table, smiling and holding hands.

“Welcome everyone, and thank you for being here to celebrate Jason and Alana's love!”

“Now, let us Pray…. Heavenly Father we are here on this day to give thanks for the love you have shared with these two individuals. We ask that you help Jason and Alana to always remember when they first met and to remember the strong love that grew between them. To work that love into practical things so that nothing divides them. Please help them find words both kind and loving and hearts, always ready to ask for forgiveness as well as able to forgive. Father, we put this marriage in your hands. Amen.”

“Do you take Jason Jaya to be your husband and other half, to take care of him and cherish your relationship? To love him today, tomorrow, and forever? To always be open, honest, and faithful to him. Do you take him to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself unto him for as long as you both shall live?”

“I DO” I can’t hide a smile, today is the best day of my life. I’d like to scream out loud but I have to hold myself. I have to behave, today I am the Queen of the aisle, so I have to stay cool. STAY COOL ALANA.

“Do you take Alana Wang to be your wife and better half, to take care of her and cherish your relationship? To love her today, tomorrow, and forever? To always be open, honest, and faithful to her. Do you take her to be your wife, to have and to hold from this day forward in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself unto her for as long as you both shall live?”

I held the bouquet ready for the ceremony, my hands are twinged with sweat. I’m nervous. Incredibly so. My heart beats fast like a runner on a track.

“I DO” Jason answered, there’s a big smile across his face.

“I pronounce you Husband and Wife!”

“Jason, you may now kiss your bride”

Jason held my waist towards him, and we kissed. There were cheers, applauses and someone whooped. We both running through the aisle. I look at him at the eyes. There is something in those brown eyes that makes them so beautiful, so safe and warm. In just one look I know it is "home". The flowers entwined between my fingers. My face shone with excitement as I threw the bouquet above the crowd of ladies all ready for the catch. If someone catches the bouquet at a wedding, it typically means that they're the next person to get married. The bouquet falls to a woman with green baby –doll dress, it’s Jason’s secretary. All of them clapping their hands for Julia. She’s still single, I assume there must be a man after her. I’m so happy for her.

They say, marriage means both are permanently official. I’m happy that we both finally get married. We have faced through ups and down in relationship, Jason is a loyal and sincere boyfriend, never cheated on me even once. We have dated for 6 years. The love that had been so strong between me and Jason are locked tight behind ever growing wall of resentment, fear and fatigue. We prepared everything before we get married, Jason himself continues his father's company and I am pursuing my drawing as I am now a cartoon artist.

Our marriage life is perfect and beautiful. Until one day, in that sh*tty rainy day. My comic was rejected by the company, so I went home earlier.

I clenched my fist and hit my steering wheel “DAMN IT ! did he ask me to go home and fix my character ??? URGHHHH”

I moaned, really at the edge of my patience. The rain hasn’t stop, softly splashing water droplets hit the car as I drive onwards. The sky overhung a blanket of grey, so much so that I can barely tell the difference between the sky and the clouds. I watch the raindrops race down, and push the wipers to set the rain off my sight. I pull my brake and park my car outside our villa, right behind Jason’s car. I rushed inside the unlocked gate.

"Why Jason is so clumsy? What if some burglars jumped in and took everything out?" I mumbled as my hand busy rummaging my bag. The sky is roaring loud, rain starts soaking my head. I push the doorbell to call Jason out because I couldn't find my keys.

I peeped through the window “Damn it Jason, you are not in the living room?” he doesn't get used to get home so early without letting me know. Maybe he's asleep cause he's tired? But he doesn't go to bed so late yesterday. Arghhh, means I have to find the keys inside my bag, the bag that full of useless sh*ts. The rain is pouring too hard, I don’t want to soak my paperworks. I have been working for them for 2 months, late every night. I can't remember when the last time I got enough time to sleep.

Still hasn’t gave up, “Jason!” I yelled, knocking the door. NO ANSWER. My hands still busy rummaging my bag. I just want to get inside and let myself laying on the bed right now. I worked for 2 months drawing and the manager simply say “this is not what I wanted to see. I’m looking forward for the better version of Gina, the character of my comic”. Every word he spreads stung only fueling the fire that burned inside of me. I guess, I should just quit the company and start publishing my works online. I found the key and finally plugs them in. I take off my heels, checking my paperworks, some of them are soaking wet.

“URGHHH”

I can’t wait to see Jason, I want to hug him. I miss him so much ! I want to squeeze his cheeks and kiss them, or bite them. I rushed into the room “Jason ! I…”

I froze…

Jason is laying on top of a woman… when they saw me rushed inside the room without knocking, because this is our room so I don’t have to knock, they directly covered themselves with blanket, but I clearly saw their something stucked in each other. IT’S JULIA! She has resigned since 3 months ago.

Silence expanded for few seconds until I realize I have to slap either Julia or Jason. I threw my bag against Jason’s face and slap Julia really hard. I can’t believe he is betraying me for this b*tch. She held her cheeks, almost cry. I wish I could kill her, I raised my hand about to give her another smack, but the most painful, terrible, mortifying thing is…

“Stop Ana!” he said as he held my hand really tight, my husband, the cheater.

“She has my kid!” at that moment, I feel hurt in the chest which makes me barely breath, I can’t think clearly. Jason hugs Julia, covering her face, she is crying on his bare chest. I turn my body and walk away, this is so embarrassing, rejected by my own husband, a 11 –months marriage is at the edge of breaking –up. It is my tears that keep my soul alive in the furnace of this pain. The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child I walk towards the door letting the rain wash my body, as if the cold or the rain could soothe me. There is static in my head, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress. It takes something out of me I didn't know I had left. That's the way it is when people are hard. It's like a theft of the spirit, an injury no other person can see. My body is soaking wet, I threw myself inside the car, leaning my chin on the steering –wheel, continue crying. Why… I thought Jason is the right choice. I punched the steering wheel several times until I feel sore on my hands.

At last, I rent an apartment for temporary and Vivi, my best friend come over to stay with me cause she was afraid I commit suicide. 3 days ago I moved my things out from that villa.

It’s the 2nd week since that incident, but I haven’t stop crying. The publishing manager called me 4 days in a row asking me either I still want to work or I could just leave the company, and I replied him “F*CK THE PAPERWORKS” instead.

I was drunk that time. I’ve been drinking dozens of alcohol through this week, but I still can’t forget those incidents, they are killing me slowly from the inside. They cannot extinguish what has been, yet only carry me forward until a time comes when that searing pain is distant enough to forget more than remember, and maybe one day erase itself from my brain. So perhaps it may be an oddity to thank my tears and be proud to cry, yet if that's what saves me from becoming a stupid ex –wife, a person indifferent to suffering and sorrow, then crying is the smartest thing I can do.

I signed the divorce agreement a day ago. At the same time, funny that I feel relieved, I feel lucky enough that I haven’t had his baby inside me, which means I still look like single although I am 24. I have nobody to tell, my dad died in car accident 10 years ago and my mom also died in car accident a year later.. See? I have nobody … I have no sisters or brothers. I am all alone. I first think I can count on him, but I was wrong.. I know Julia is much more prettier than me, she has a huge bo*bs, bigger butt, and tiny waist. Yes she is hotter than me, it sucks. Therefore, I cheat snacks at midnight oftenly, mostly when I was working on my comic. I'm the worst.

When the night comes, I just stare at the window, watching the city shone by the moonlight. With you no longer here, sleep becomes a fleeting chore. I wrestle at nights with the dark and the light trying to find comfort from either side but most times I lost myself. I become content with sleepless nights where I find comfort in my thoughts and

memories of the past. I’m suffering, I want to escape, but I can’t. I’m still trapped.

In the other day, which is the 1st month after I signed the divorce agreement, Jason compensates me with a big amount of money for once. So I could live up this life or either make my own business with that money. What a scum. Who do you think you are? I threw the paper away as I saw a silhouette of a tall woman walking towards me.

“Well, it’s better than not at all Ana, remember.. because you have no kid” Vivi implied as she threw the beer’s *bottle to the trash. “And stop drinking this f*cking beer!” glaring at me.

I shrug my shoulders and pout, “Vivi.. I don’t know what to do…” I think I’m getting better, even though I still stinks and ugly at the same time, my eyebags are going darker almost pitch black. I look like a woman with mascara soaked wet until it makes me look like shadowing my under –eyes.

Vivi stood beside me as I sat by the dining table, she leaned her hand on the table, as I can see her beautiful body curves like a cello with her tidy shirts all button –up, which makes her ****** looks bigger. She has every man’s eyes on her.

“Take his money, buy a house, a new car, and your drawing equipments! Make your own money already!!” Vivi raised her voice, slamming her hand on the table, tired of me being pathetic.

“Do you have a friend? An architect?” I lifted an eyebrow. She sighs and nods her head at the same time.

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