I'm confused, totally confused . I don't know the emotions I'm feeling. There's this ache, for something.. or someone? I don't know. I can feel tears pooling in my eyes. I tell myself it's okay to cry no one is watching now. A single tear find it's way to my chin.
why am I crying? I don't know. I'm not sad. I clutch my blade, its buried into my hand .what explanation will I give tomorrow? I don't want them to find out.
I need help and I know it. I need to talk. But I don't know how. I can barely text someone much less talk face to face .
I have tried talking but then they start telling me it's my fault.
It's because I don't pray enough (duh, I'm praying 24x7. I just believe in my own God )
It's because I'm lazy (really? I mean I'm mentally unstable because I don't exercise properly? *hysterical laughter *)
I know why I'm like this it's because of the very people who gives me these advices.
Anyways I know what I want - a happy life or no life at all. But I have neither. I tried dying multiple times, it didn't work and being happy is almost impossible. everytime I laugh it's fake, it's been so long since I was actually happy. Years infact..
I can feel my tears rolling down my face on to my shoulders and neck. they don't deserve my tears but I can't stop myself tears.
I don't need silly words like" people need me " or "my dreams need to be fulfilled" or "that those who loves me would be sad" I've heard plenty of those.
And seriously, they don't help a bit. Like would these people who tell this even remember their user ID? No.They won't.
only one who has experienced the pain can understand why deadth seems like a good option. It's so easy to give it up and let go. No one else knows why some people consider deadth over life. It's because life is worse than death
yet here I am asking for help. because deadth just don't accept me and my parents refuse to give me therapy. I want to be happy. So if anyone, anyone can do anything, please do. I would really appreciate it
This is not Fiction. This is a plea for help from a mentally ill girl.
