In the world with humans, rose’s in the garden planted in a droughty soil. Blossoms in fear, straggle with hatred. As if there’s chains disguised as thorns, shackled. But, humans don’t bother to trouble with themselves. In fear of being detested by others. Even if they can feel the coldness of being alone. They arose hiding with their true emotions. Miserable in a crowded society. Although has a friend, but in favor. Being used if they have the value. Being thrown if their useless. What a cruel world?
Just like my life goes to. I’m Rose Ardriel, a married woman. And this is my story.
Their was a girl who lost her virginity in an early age of 16. When my husband, Andy Ardiel, knows my secret, his disgusted about my appearance. I thought once he’ll know, he’ll pity me. But I didn’t expect him to dislike me. Every time he comeback home, his drunk. Though he didn’t hit me, but he instead slap’s me with those hurtful words and turn a cold-hearted man. Maybe it’s because of his repugnance of me. How am I this so, so pathetic?
This is way to absurd, isn’t it? I’m pathetically way too ridiculous. I know, I know that from the very start. That I’m a filthy person that everyone wants to throw off. Gosh!, what on earth have I done, that such a thing would happen to me. I’m just saying this not to attract once sympathy, but instead to let out my joyless emotions *sigh*. You must be thinking that I’m a big disappointment since I’m saying such things out of the blue.
The feeling of being detested. Haha, isn’t this great? *sigh*. I don’t know why but somehow does it worth of your time on detesting others other’s because of their past history? I don’t want to look weird. I just want others to openly welcomed me with their hearts. Is it that hard to do? I’m not pushing you on much pressure. But I want you to, at least learn how to cherish others when there’s still time. Hmm~, the pathetic girl wants to be sympathized? How should I call this? Sympathetic? Lol. But, nah, never mind that , I don’t care that much. The more I look down to myself, the more people will push me down. I made my mind clear that I, Rose Ardriel, would only cherish myself and nothing else, for this time being.
Currently lying on the ground. Isn’t this a peaceful life that everyone in the society wants to live?
I’ve remember all the past when I was still on my collage school days. Andy was eagerly courting me (I’m not being narcissist but that’s the truth). Since I’m a bookworm, it never appears in my head to enter such relationship. I still couldn’t help but to fall in love. We started dating, going out with friends, parted with couple games, etc. Working togethers school assignments, projects, test exam quiz. Sharing one’s burden and achievement. It was the most happiest days I’ve experience. We’ve been always blessed by elders everywhere, saying that we’re a match made by heavens. Being able to receive some sweet words, receiving love letters from the one you love. Un-secretive relationship between both parties. Enjoying each family’s meet ang greets. Days on family reunion that everyone is present including your lover.
But as I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, and as poor as it is possible to live in modern society. The fears that I had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I ever knew. For all this days left being alone.
I was just curios since it’s really hard to live in this crowded place. Wanted to ask people how did they managed to survive in the same state I’m facing in? I’ve become an old hag in my appearance since the day he left me. I don’t want to brag people so I’m going to face this myself, all alone.
I planed to apply a suitable job to look for but I was unlucky enough. I’ve been to almost ten companies, shop, and little stores but no one took me in. Since I haven’t meet their requirements and their expectations. All I can do now is to build my own little shop. As the day I opened my shop, there was these uneasy feeling. I felt I was being stared and followed by someone. In every time I search for those who’s looking after me, there was nothing. Nothing but crowds that goes back and fort’s.
The second day of my store opening, there was this first customer. He’s kind a bit strange, he doesn’t look straight to me causing him to be self distracted. I know it’s weird.
The third day, someone sent me flowers with a small card. I didn’t expect that card to be actually a love letter. I remembered the past as I read those familiar letters to me.
Forth day, a fancy car stop in front of my store. A man in a formal attire steps down and claiming his only a driver saying about his master’s order. As he said that his master wants to gave me a gift. I want to refuse but, this guy is a big head stubborn. And I ended up accepting such a thing from a total stranger.
Fifth day, nothing strange happen. Those people who followed me we’re all gone. No gifts being received, those weird man was all gone. Now I’m back to my present world. But still, it didn’t last long. I go bankrupt, nowhere to go.
And now spending my time staying in the garden watching how flowers die. I start digging a deep ang big rectangular hole as I had known my illness. I was being infected by a life threatening virus. I was hopeless that no one is by my side to cheer me up. One day I passed out fainted, laying on the ground under the strong heat of the sun. Had thought it’s the end of my life, but, a bright light appear calling my name. As I woke up, a man, tightly hugging me while sobbing and repeatedly saying my name. But can’t see him clearly, I took a closer look. I was in shock to see Andy was the one who carry me in his arms. He told me everything that happens. He explained why he left me alone, suffering. It was actually because of some small trivial matter. But I know it’s not easy for him. Knowing that it was actually him whose been following me, he just wanted to protect me secretly. It’s also him who send flowers and love cards.
His now saying so sorry for what he did that’s out of the blue. From then on, Andy made an oath to me. He promised not to leave me suffering, and he’ll cherish me for who I am and for what I am for the rest of our lives.
Year 2020, August 4, Andy managed to find cure. With my strong high faith, I survived. And decided to changed my fate with the man I loved beside me. The two of us made the garden pretty. We planted a lot of colorful flowers. There begun to remake an amazing and lovely memories with my husband. Love Rose Ardriel. THE END
