I and my bestfriend were friends since 4th grade , until things changed and she ghosted me And blocked me without a word . Getting angry at small things , scolding me just for talking to someone else while being with her. I don't know how to fix this , she blocked me but she doesn't know I have my own ways ...
I have 8 Instagram accounts from which I followed from one of them stalking her ID only to find out that ...wait ? She writes stories ? Oh she's just like me ... I thought and I knew it alredy, I love her , she's my bestfriend how can I just let go off her?
I used another ID to follow her author account , becoming her biggest fan and ddounloaded the app just because of her . There were millions of stories but in the app I read only hers , I made a story of my own as well though but it didn't matter as much as her story ..
It was all for her anyways...
7 years of friendship ? That's not a joke ... Her stories were nice , she used better grammar and vocabulary than me , She was better than me I wont deny , she's prettier than me , smarter than me, more better with English, of course how can I not get attached to someone just like me ?
In her story she writes about a girl who's anxious , depressed and all . The story is romance and comedy as well , The main character's name starts with the letter N ... just like hers , but the best friend of the main character ? Her name starts with the letter A ..just like mine ?
Maybe I'm just being delusional and I should not stalk her like this . But I get jealous , super jealous of the best friend character in the story ... how does she get to have fun with my bestie?
Or ...perhaps ex best friend because she doesn't like me anymore ...
It's all my fault though, I should have lied when needed , she's sensitive I should have handled it better. She used to call me baby/babe and i used to say the same . In the story the lead character and her bestfriend also call each other babe/baby which made me feel more jealous , making me wonder that ..does she still think about me ?
Will she ever ...forgive me ?
What's also making me jealous is that she also has more popularity and votes and subscribers than me ...
I mean yeah why not ? She writes better , she wrote 9 episodes of chat story and I ? I have only 4 episodes of a boring BL about a bully suddenly being nice and the victim getting confused why the bully is being nice ...
Maybe I should stop it all ...
It'll bring me more hurt if I keep on going? But I really wanna be her biggest supporter if not face to face , then in an invisible way I'll still support her and love her .
I once called her mother and she said that my ex bestie gets angry whenever she hears my name ...
Am I that pathetic ?
Maybe yes , because I can't let go of her . I asked her mother how is her situation and she told that my ex bestie was depressed and when asked why she would say that I betrayed her , that I used to demotivate her ...
Why would I demotivate her ? If I were to demotivate her , I wouldn't have supported her without her even knowing that im supporting her .
I donno why I'm writting this , but maybe she got better friends now , maybe she's happier without me and should just move on ....
But why do i always have to consider their feelings ? Why doesn't they consider mine as well?
Maybe ..it's not in my fate , I still think about her , wondering what she might be doing ..
And the only way i can communicate and still be linked to her is through this app ... only if she knew how much I love her and think about her ..but I also hope this never reaches her or she'll know that it's me the whole time and she will ... feel betrayal again ..I guess?
But writting it all down here feels good , safe and it's my story.... in the end all I'll say is that . Sometimes all I think about is you ..late night in the middle of June, heatwaves been freakin me out .. can't make you happier now ...
(Idk why I'm suddenly typing song lyrics but that's how it feels Rn)
No one will read this shit anyways 😌
