fell in love with the person that I can't love.
I can't.
because he sees me just as a friend.
I can't.
because we've been friends for 19 years.
I can't.
because Marcuz wants Lenney.
What am I?
I'm just his old childhood friend, Zerah. The Zerah that he can comfortably talk about his crush, the Zerah that always gets his humor.
But I don't want that thing anymore; the more I stay, the more the pain will kill me. And I'm so dead, as I saw Marcuz kissing Lenney in the middle of the dance floor while a love song played.
"Happy prom night..." I said.
By the time they finished kissing, he saw me and was about to greet me. But it was too much for me. My heart was shattered, and I couldn't stop my tears from falling.
The makeup I put so much effort into, the dress I prepare for the prom night. I planned to tell him my feelings, but I guess I was a little too late.
Marcuz saw the tears flow down from my cheeks; he was confused at first but still chose to walk towards me with a worried look.
Oh no, he will be concerned again and be a good hood friend to me again; that's even worse!
I step back and turn around, running away before he can catch me. But I was too emotional; I forgot he is a basketball player and running is easy for him.
"Zerah!” he calls my name, but I still run.
My heels make it worse for me to run, so I take them off and run as fast as I can away from Marcuz.
My feet hurt, but my heart was in more pain.
"Leave me alone, dumbass!” I said, but I was too late. Marcuz grabbed my wrist, pulling me towards him. I tried to pull away, but his grip was way stronger. This is the worst prom night of my life.
"Why the hell are you crying after looking at me?" he asks, still holding my wrist.
"Is it because I dance with Lenney first? " he asks me and tries to look at my face, asking genuinely. "You want me to dance with you first? Tell me." He pulls me more so he can see my face.
"I don't care who you dance with first! I said, crying.
"Then what is it? Did I do something wrong?" he asks, confused. "Then why the hell are you crying?"
"It's because you kissed Lenney, Marcuz!” I try to punch his broad chest with my other hand. "You dumbass!! "I keep punching him, but he never moves.
"Yeah? I did... I don't understand?"
""I freaking like you, Inigo Marcuz III Lopez! ”I said it.
Everything went silent.
after for a long time keeping that feelings for myself. It's over now; I felt like his grip loosened.
"Surprise, surprise! Your childhood friend Zerah has loved you for a long time, and you never even noticed." I push his shoulder forcefully with just my index finger with the mix of frustration and sadness.
"Speechless now, huh? Yeah. That's right."
"I... I didn't." Marcuz can't finish his sentence.
"II feel like I'm dying... whenever you talk about Lenney!” I remove your hand from my wrist.
"Marcus, I feel like I'm losing it after I saw you kiss her! It hurts so bad..." I push him away.
"I'm sorry, I'm too dense." His apology feels way worse, or maybe I'm just really that afraid to be rejected by him? ..
"Marcus...we can't be friends," I said, feeling all the fatigue, the pain, and the feelings that I have been suppressing just to be a good friend.
"Zerah! I can't! Don't do this..." he panics.
"Yes, you can..."
"We were always there for each other! Don't do this to me! You're my most precious friend!”
"That's the thing; I'm just your most precious friend."
"Zerah..."
"Tell me one last time, what do you see in me?"
Marcuz paused for a long time. "You're beautiful, kind, funny..." He stopped; he became emotional and really sad.
"That's not the answer I want, Marcuz; you know the real choices are..."
"I see you as my friend, Zerah."
I knew it.
Sometimes hearing it from the person you want to hear it from makes it easier to let go. It sucks; my long-time first love really never saw me as his potential girlfriend. It hurts, but I will be okay someday.
Maybe this is closure?
Maune, not.
But at least I now hear it loud and clear from his mouth.
"Yeah, bye now, Lopez."
