Music can really change the perspective of whatever this is all about. So, make sure you don't have any music in the background, when reading this. But then again, everyone has a different perspective. So, do whatever you like.
From hating to loving myself sounds wrong and clichรฉ. But I can't prove it, because it's normal at the same time.
What's the difference between normal and abnormal? Aren't those basically just norms created by another individual? Can we be certain that every human is normal? The person who wrote the difference between normality and abnormality? Could they be normal too?
I believe that every human being is unique and nothing we do can be perceived as abnormal. Isn't it human nature to be curious about things and try out different routes for outcomes?
I might be trippin right now.
Back to the main point.
My reason not to die. My reason to be here again is to go out all I want whether it's not safe, crazy, or ill of me to do so.
Usually, writing is fun. But there are also times when I get sick of it. A friend always asks me, 'Do you not do anything else besides writing?'
Certainly, she was speaking the truth. But I don't think I have any other talent than writing โ that's what I used to tell myself.
Because watching/reading new things makes me realise that there can be so much to life.
But I find it difficult. I gradually realised I was being shut in person, relying on my parents for survivalโbut it's excusable, because I'm still under 18. But even if I do turn 18, there won't be much to it.
Ratherโฆ
It'sโI don't get it.
Do people need a reason in their lives to keep going? What could be my reason? I just live every day without a care in the world.
An uneventful life, an ordinary person. Is that what makes me bored? Do I have to be entertained to keep living?
Where else can I seek answers? They say you need to understand this yourself. You need to figure it out yourself.
I feel like I was just born yesterday, and now they're telling me to make choices by myself and live. It's scary.
This doesn't really mean that I want to die. No, I don't wanna.
And grammarly, I truly wish you would stop suggesting that I change my wording according to whatever bullshit. But despite all that, I do so anyway.
I feel pathetic.
It's like I can see everyone moving forward, but me being stuck in somewhere hereโI don't know.
Do I have to keep living? Until I can. I will. But do I have the will? If I don't have the will thenโฆ How will I survive? That's scary.
But Surviving Romance didn't just write down that whole story, just so people like me would give up this easily. Certainly, I don't wanna give up. I wanna still live.
So, what if I don't have a reason right now? In the future, I might get one. Even if I don't, I'll still keep living. I'll enjoy this life and embrace everything it gives me. The happiness, sadness, painโeverything.
Surely, I do feel sick in my stomach and heart but I will keep writing. And might as well, search for other talent. Knowing + doing a little bit of everything is okay too.
I remember a story I heard in my childhood, that there were three people with different professions. One was a woodcutter, one was a chef and one was a businessman. If the woodcutter was told to do another thing like running a business or being a chef, he wouldn't understand anything of itโ(in the first place. Basics are necessary, if they learn, they can improve is what I believe.) As for the other two, if they try to take over each other's profession, they may not do well. So, most of the time it's suggested that they stick to their main profession. Something that they're good at.
This whole story explains that people should stick to something they're good at. That can benefit them a lot in this good-for-nothing world.
However, as I perceive this from a different lens, trying out new things shouldn't be considered that bad. I can't find the word for it. But humans are allowed to do anything they want. So, sticking to just one talent, honestly, could be very boring sometimes. However, trying out new things could tell us whether we are fit for it or not. And take actions according to whatever they think is right. But again, nothing could be defined as right or wrong. That's a wrong sentence, right?
There's right and wrong. But aren't they human norms? Norms are made so humans can actโฆ normal? So, they don't cross the line. I agree with that. But whatever I've just written above doesn't really prove it.
Everyone can have different opinions.
Why did I start writing this again? Got off track real quick, didn't I?
Still, I won't give up. As long as there's will, we keep on going. We keep moving forward.
What is my will? I want to live even if it means going through hardship. But if I'm being tortured or a life livin' hell, I'd consider it again. But suicide isn't an option here. Unless the livin' life itself is worse? I wonder. Usually, the main protagonists can bend the norms. But I'm not a protagonist. I'm not a hero. I'm just an ordinary human being, but with a peculiar brain. Using it once or twice to overthink doesn't hurt much.
I'd like to share whatever this overthinking paragraph is about with everyone out there.
Why? I don't know. But I want to be heard by people. I want them to know that I exist(this could be existed when I'm no longer, but I didn't mean it negatively.) When I look back to read this, I wonder what I'll feel. What about you? The future me? Or you, the reader?
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Ps~ They didn't have any tags that could match whatever this whole thing was about. ยฏโ \โ _โ (โ ใโ )โ _โ /โ ยฏ
