After my 2 breakups I don't think why but I don't find men much charming it's not like I don't have any interest in men I have but .... that but always stuck in thought . I don't know how to express that so called 'but' that stuck in between but I alway find myself contemplating whether I should accept the person who is chasing me now .
I truly believe he have eye problem how could he find myself adorable and Endering . How he always understand everything about me ?
As I think how that person I also consider those 2 exes who at first always chase you like their life depends on you . They will alway ask have you eaten this that I don't know from where they get energy and topic to talk but as the time passes their enthusiasm dims they would not talk, ignor your calls ,belittles you, moke you and even give you lecture on self respect 😂after going through this I found myself changed person I couldn't believe myself how could I low my self esteem this much for a toix and Ill mannered person.
For that 1 person I lost my self, I lost my health as I am a overthinker person even after seeing his betrayal I don't know what clouded my eyes I couldn't accept 2 year of betrayal after know about his betrayal for 6 months I know whyi torment myself for that one insufferable person after going through my 1st breakup I somehow depended on my best friend he helped me to get through those one year of pain he accompanied me help me to overcome but my luck is not that great he was also going through breakup so we both found salvation in each other but .... After 6 month I recovered from my 1st breakup he told me that he likes me I be like ok best friend like each other not a big deal but was saying not in that way but romantically so I told him that he doesn't love but rather became dependant on me because of breakup and I sense he doesn't love but for one month he kept pressing me give him a chance at last I agreed to him but on a one condition that if after 6 month I don't sense any love form him I will leave him without thinking why should I waste my feeling on someone like that and I can sense that he couldn't move on form his 1st love ever after their one and half year breakup at 1st 2 months were okay or you can say that he was restraining himself so that he wouldn't make mistakes after 2 month everything began to change he started talking to her even went to her bday party without telling me and his parents his family members were well aware about his 1st love and break up after coming to home he didn't tell where he was gone I didn't insist further but when I saw his photo post with his 1st love bday party I asked him he began to make excuses I Know I don't have felling for him I am clear about it but when you are in relationship regardless of reason you should trust each other and communicate among themselves or clear misunderstanding at lest give an explanation as I find myself rather possessive and obssissve type after that he argued me for a month about this topic and I clearly told him that you cannot move on form her you are clearly in love with her and use me to move on and he start arguing loudly that I don't like her why don't you understand after 2 month he mistakenly admit that when he was in relationship he had felling for his 1st love after that ia stopped talking form him I only left 2 month more and after that 2 month completed I told him that I don't like him and he should also breakup clearly and resolutely I didn't cry I didn't fuss over anything he was like you don't have anything else to say I be like no and good bye after that we didn't talked but after these 2 incident I found out about myself more I was no longer that fussy and crying child . I don't like men who doesn't know what they are doing only to regret later , after breakup I am single for 2 year but I feel happy sometimes I think it would be better if I have someone to confide then I was like have you not gained enough lessons from past do you want to cry more and for one year another person is chasing even know all the events in my life I just don't know what I am doing I fell like I have became toxic person at first I clearly told him I don't want to have any kind of relationship and rejected him clearly but he kept coming at first I barely talked to him now I talk to time one day in a week when I feel like I need to vent I talk to him and wouldn't talk to him like 3... To.. 4 days I also told him about everything like how I am possissive and all but he would tell me he like me as I am .
Can I truly believe him at first all boys are same and I think they are same after chasing a girl for 6 months and then she accepted your proposal your desire and willingness lies until that time after that they will find it bothersome if your are going to behave like this then you shouldn't chase a gift now I find myself fine I have became toxic but I am happy if no one chases me I chase myself and I like the current me I don't know how much year he could endure but everytime I consider accepting his proposal I. Find myself hesitant then I feel like I don't like him I shouldn't play with anyones feeling and then again rejected him but then again he comes and this cycle continued until now . And clearly I don't think I will ever like anyone else in my life I am afraid of commitment and of myself.
