You'll always be hurt if you depend on other for yourself and keep expectations. Life doesn't guarantee anything other than death. It doesn't even guarantee when or how we'll die. There's a thick line between cold hearted & cold minded. Your weak mind will bring stuffering. Your kind heart won't. But, we can't change our minds how we want. We can only choose to grow instead of staying the same. And gradually develop a cold mind.
Kindness is never a weakness. Unless you have weak reasoning. If your reasoning is external, like with expectations, forming a bond, etc. It will hurt. Because then, your kindness is served to them, you expect something in return, so as kindness is a part of your identity, your expectations on themalso becomes an identity. Now guess what happens if they shatters your expectations.
Your identity shatters too. Now you feel lost or change automatically. Because, you had.a specific identity before you met them and kindness was a part of it. Now that because of your kindness as I explained earlier, the expectations became a part of them. To be exact, they became a part of you in your perspective. But now that they shattered that part of your identity. Your brain automatically gets in alert mode, it senses danger. Danger that your previous identity was weak. That a part was broken, meaning it could shatter more. So your brain gets confused and goes numb by removing that identity. Then, it builds another identity that doesn't have the factors that caused the collapse back then which your previous identity had. Now, kindness was a part of your identity, it will obviously get removed by your brain because it senses that it's danger. Not only that, but you'll find yourself removing any habit or hating any places that triggers your previous identity. Like the things you loved, your favourite hobby, etc. You'll feel like you need to escape life because you could change everything your previous identity had. Like your living place, your workplace, etc. You will even feel uncomfortable hanging out with the people you loved. It's just conditioning and biology.
Now let's say your kindness wasn't externally focused but because of internal reasons. For example, if you had truely picked up the habit had the same habit. Or if you were kind only for the sake of it. Or if it brought peace to you seeing others happy when you weren't. None of these should be with expectations if it is healthy. Now, even if someone betrays you. It's not connected to your core. Because you never gave yourself, you only took from them. You didn't need anything in return which were in their control, because by helping them, you felt fulfilled. Because it was your internal value connected to your core. You're duty and conditioning was you being kind according to your brain & it had nothing to do with the external reaction. You might feel annoyed or surprised because you're not used to it. Or you might feel a bit sad that you couldn't make them happy. But it will have nothing tied to yourself or your identity. Thus, you will not suffer because of identity collapse. In my perspective, identity collapse is one of the greatest shock and hurt humans can feel.
Now cold minded people can operate without bringing harm to themselves. They think rationally even in betrayal. They will remove any future danger or threats. But they won't go for revenge unless it has any future profits at its extreme necessity. But someone with a cold heart wont be able to think rationally. They will hurt themselves too in the process. They will directly go for revenge even if they figure out it won't change anything that happened in the past.
Don't be kind for others. Be kind for yourself.🍃✨
