THE ONLY CHILD..
"I wanna die" she said while sobbing in pain alone in the washroom, putting her hand on her mouth to cover the sound of her crying...making sure her parents don't listen....
"no you can't! you gotta take care of your parents you're the only child silly" said the inner her... "b-bu...-but I can't handle anymore...!"
being an only child must be interesting yall say right? you have no drama ,no siblings to fight over, no sharing . everything is yours and you're the pampered one as everyone's focus is on you. ESPECIALLY if you're the only girl child among both mother's and father's side of family and an only child to your parents itself.But it's not what you think. being an only child isn't easy.. read the story to find out more.
Introduction:
Dear readers,
story divaaa this side. This story is based on my real life based incidents and I just feel like expressing everything here. Comment if you relate to me ❤️ and sorry is the words don't get through. Coz I am writing a story in an online platform for the first time.
MY MOM says I am useless, worthless and I shouldn't have been born to her. MY DAD says I do not have any endearment in me towards my own family members and I am a heartless cold person.
I've been holding onto this for so long and I could finally write this.
To be honest, I was the kid who practically raised myself.. I was never mumma's girl or papa's pari or brother's princess or sister's warrior etc..
I am an only child and have no siblings.
My "friends" ?since childhood till now, know only to use me for thier own good and betray me later on. Every single friend ever. That's how I end up having no friends. Par ab toh aadat si ho gayi hai.. ab akelapan accha lagne laga hai... my dad was busy with office works even after coming home and mom busy with household chores practically left me always alone.
The only person I would spend most of the time was MYSELF. I invented new games in boredom, tried them out.. got bored of them and invented other games and thus the cycle continues. I've did adventures by myself which no one even has idea about... exploring whole city by myself and getting lost, bunking in th noon times , exploring into the forests for new plant breeds, catching and collecting butterfly wings to keep up with my collection has been my childhood hobbies.
Through all this time..I've realized that I truly enjoy my own company. I love being alone now. That's when I am comfortable and most creative. I used to hate it before but this is my greatest weapon now. I taught myself many things. I learnt from my own mistakes and practically it took time for me to grow up. I was a little more childish compared to students of my age . Coz there was no one else to tell me how the world works. I thought being childish was the eternal goal. Well through all those mistakes and learning Era, I kept the grief all to myself amd never uttered a single word even to my parents. Why? Coz I never felt comfortable enough at the first place to be able to approach them. They never tried to notice as well. If they did know about something they'd scold me instead of showing me the right path by calm talking.
I don't know if I wasn't expressive or no one noticed my pain and what I went through. I lost all my closest friends... all of em had to betray me in some way or the other. But I bet none of my parents know about this. Coz I am scared to tell...I am just..s..scared..i am sometimes truly scared of thier behavior. I know they do it for my own good but I feel like they will scold me even for the smallest things. So I am scared to tell them my biggest mistakes. I've been beaten cruelly by mom since I cant even remember when.. I probably didn't even know how to speak or walk by then. But yes, the trauma hits hard. With time, the trauma got so accumulated that I basically turned psycho at just age of 7-10 . You can have an idea about my psycho side when I say that I've stabbed my own teacher , her kid and my mom with pencil , tore my benchmate's uniform and grabbed my cousins neck and almost killed him while he was sleeping... and you know what.. I never did all that intentionally ever.
It felt like my mind played with my body and I had no control over myself and I just did it.. I did not feel as it was Me. It felt like someone else..I hated the psycho me. But for all I knew, she was just doing it for protecting herself.
I don't remember much growing up but slowly with time, I turned normal. But that trauma still creeps me out. Well now you know why I Was always alone. Who would wanna be friends with an ugly psycho person who was ultra possessive of her closed ones ...
With time I grew a fear of losing my loved ones. Plus all the bullying thing at school were traumatizing . Don't judge me on this but.. I used to pee my pants in the middle of class back at that age. Imagine...how embarrassing it was for a first grader when the whole school including bullied talked about that and everyone's pointing you out. But then what if , in all that, when the whole world is against you.. one girl comes out of the crowd just to support you.. feels great right.. then you become bestie and then you lose her coz she gets kidnapped.. yeah.. my friend got kidnapped(I'll tell more about this in the kidnapped friend story later) ..
I used to pee on my bed too due to the trauma stimulating sleep paralysis even till the age of 12. But mom and dad, instead of comforting me, taunted me saying that it's shameful for an almost teenager to still pee on bed.. and if I don't stop , they'll tell the whole neighborhood, all my friends , classmates , teachers and even relatives. As if getting bullied wasn't enough..that thought creeped me out even more. The thought of more embarrassment..sent chills down my spine.
Well then I worked on myself to heal and yes I did heel. I stopped peeing on bed and vowed to do great in my life. Aint no joke when I say I raised myself.
So, growing up I became addicted to phone as it was my only companion in my lonely time. I used to do gaming, editing , explore different apps, read stories etc. But you know parents right, they scold for spending much time on screen and sometimes snatchec the phone away . Bruh what else am I supposed to do till then.?? Do my homework?? It was always finished coz o completed in school itself in free hours. Play outside?? I've no friends! Watch TV.?? It had no cartoons! So yes you guessed it. I used to get bored till I get phone back.
I don't know if she's gonna watch this... but my own best friend of over 10 years cheated me and dumped me away for a random person. Some misunderstandings just never clear up ...she used to make me do her homework .. but played with her "other" friends while I sat alone in class. I remember now and realize now after she left me, that she always hated me but she needed a reason to leave. She hated me so much that she put up false accusations on me knowing I am innocent and dont know how to prove myself innocent and so I could end up in the principals office or detention (extra classes after school) .
Now ...how am I supposed to feel anything when the whole world has treated me like this. But.. I do have feelings too... I cry too... I smile too.. I do feel the same emotions as yall do. But I just got bad at showing them or preffered showing no one until the worthy person comes.
But.. sorry mom and dad.. that I've been a disappointing child. But I truly try my best to give you all the happiness. If I am gone no one will take care of my parents since I am the only child. So even with the suicidal thoughts, I serve you all my efforts. I might be a little dumber than other kids and I am sorry you've to embarrassed about that but I try..I am sorry..
ENDING THUS WITH A SMALL POEM...
they haven't seen the nights when I cried alone
Then drying tears and distracting myself using phone
Locking door and washroom tap on
So that I could cry fully and worry none
Even when the nights were feeling low
Even when I thought to make it slow
But they pushed me so hard to fasten up
Now I am here, wanna sleep forever and never wake up..
THANK YOU READERS!!❤️✨️
