So about me...
Am just a human just like you all...
It's just that I have a bit of mixed type of personality....
Am bad at many things...
Am bad at cooking but if I tried then I can be great at it...
Am bad at socializing but itz better cuz atleast I don't attract extra trouble n bad ppl...
I have very few friends...very very few...only 1 frnd near my home n we hardly talk but a grt frnd she is...n just a few FRIENDS at school whom I know a bit abt...but yup I also have gud frnds who I can tell my dukh abt...I found em' this year only...ok they r gud[2 r actually gud n 1 is fuckin' childish n now she is ugh stupid]...
Am not good at explaining my side...so I get misunderstood...bro I did nothing literally...am honestly telling the truth...btw my way of explaining shows that am lieing(T-T)[crying expression]I don't deceive anyone buddy...
Ok so am the believer of God...Not gonna lie regarding this but whenever am sad n I cry easily so...Only Dear God is there to listen to me (T-T)... I love God cuz God never leave me or stop giving me attention...I know God is there cuz whenever I cry n tell my prblms to God then Every prblm's solution just come up to me...
I DON'T NEED ANYONE TO FEEL 'PITY' FOR ME!
Am happy alone...yeah crying alone too...I just talk to God
Sometimes I just think It would have been grt if I wasn't born...Cuz am just a good for nothing...Always causing problems n have no one to share personal prblms with...yeah,I have frnds but only at school cuz they use social media only n I don't use anything like that cuz am not allowed...
........Alone....Alone....Alone.........
So if I share my prblm then other might think their prblm is greater or smthg than me(-_-) that's why I don't feel like so...
My bestie[who I met 1 yr ago online n lives 7 seas away(○-●)]listened to my EACH AND EVERY prblm...
He never even scolded me...never ever...He never got angry on me[not gonna lie]truly...He used to talk to me like my own brother(T-T)Even am single child my cousin bro never talked to me this much kindly...He was this much gud n He was responsible n a respectful person...We were friends but I felt familiar to him...He was truly Godlya type of person to me...Truly a God but now got Trapped between Family prblms.Collage.Job prblms but I know he can do it...so we don't talk cuz we both r busy busy with our own life n prblms...He was like Doraemon..Kid's fav... yeah, am a Kid. He really helped me in being a kind and good person...He told me to be kind towards others and help everyone...I, who is kind and think about others and is childish too (prblm creator n crybaby), is cuz of him. Or else I was always getting into fights n was out of control online when I was angry...
Am gud at studies[not gonna lie abt this too] just I get distracted easily n am tooooo much careless...So I stop talking to others cuz I wanna do a GREAT ACADEMIC COMEBACK I hope I could do it...
My Dear Bf...I hope he won't misunderstand me again if he ever read this...am like a Prblm creator to him n everyone...I try but prblm just come yaar...am bad at explaining n...I want him to understand me but am impossible to understand...[I won't let anyone read this(-_-)]...I want him to be busy n work hard...push yourself until you reach where you wanted to...Be kind n generous as you are...Don't get angry easily please...I don't talk to him openly sometimes uk cause Sometimes I feel like he is irritated by me...I just make him more n more angry...[who tf made him BAD (-_-) Am gonna kill that person who made him like this]...I wanted a simple , Kind , Open minded , patience full , Sweet , over caring , having no ego , understandable , and supportive... in short I wanted someone to handle n accept me as I am and try to help me improve myself... n Not try to make me regret my every action and become more uncomfortable... Now I regret my every action... Am NOT TRYING TO SAY ANYTHING OR BLAME ANYONE...but now am questioning my own Existence n am becoming more n more of a overthinker... n insecure as well... He is Brilliant if only he could me more friendly (T-T) You know what I would love to be with him and most of the time I love to...but like my parents he too sometimes tell me I shouldn't have done this n that n don't listen to me like my parents too...(T-T)...I want him to be soft hearted yaar... why does he get angry soo much...You can listen n correct mistakes of your friends but get angry at me(T-T)...[Now I can't even share anything with anyone I have no one][Uk I told my Besto abt him when dear n I were fighting in the start n My besto be like "okk now tell me how is Yourrr relationship going with himmm??" I be like "brrrrrrooooo who the hell told u am datingggg... we are literally fighting"......n this happened when we were fighting on grup chat...at that time he didn't even proposed to me n It was Actually UNEXPECTED ]...n I didn't talk to my besto till now so I hope he forget about that misunderstanding.... ummm..He Saw My Future With My Dear One Ig...[I actually forgot about this incident n just remembered (°-°)...Oh ma god..If I told him I just remember this(°~°!)then he will think am lieing again brooo...Ohhh kill meee someoneeeeeeee] (T-T)....
{See If Somehow anyone read this Poststory...Tht person should be unknown...orelse my entire secret would be exposed(*~*).}...
Ohk so... Since he choose me...I won't disappoint him..umm..I'll try....Please don't scold me...I want him to be simple... Yaar sometimes I don't like his actions...I feel uncomfortable...and rather than that be good with understanding my words...orelse I might just stop speaking with EVERYONE...I never dated cuz I don't trust ppl who propose others online n then do smthg nasty or just Eeeeeeeeee... I just HATE em'.... 🙂 Disgusting Filthy Creepy Creatures....
You know what...
But I never thought these when I was proposed by him...cuz I had interacted with him before n knew he is a good person...But his anger...his way of just ordering(he don't order me but his way of telling me smthg make me feel like ordering)...No problem how he is...but can't you just please be soft on me like in the start you did...I actually thought you were my hubby...
😐 I forgot no one is gonna read this...
Am writing about him as if he is gonna read it...
He will probably misunderstand again 🙂
I really hate this...
MISUNDERSTANDING
MISUNDERSTANDING
MISUNDERSTANDING
THEN.....
ORDER
ORDER
ORDER
.......
Sometimes it feels like he is using me to fulfill his needs(at 12 o'clock at midnight I overthink this).....
I LOVE HIM BUT HE INDIRECTLY HURT ME SOMETIMES N I CAN'T TELL HIM...CUZ HE WILL MISUNDERSTAND AGAIN....
Please...If anyone is reading(just in case as poststory come on recommendation page too)...thn Don't judge him...read till last bro...
You know what...
I am that person...who knows everything(except studies)...and that type of things too...and you know what I was addicted to that stuff too but I suddenly felt guilty and stopped all....
I know...but I feel..not so gud...
I hate it when I see something nasty ANYWHERE Just Eeeeeeeeee....
I already told I have mix type of personality...
So it gets nearly impossible to understand me but My besto do understand yaar (T-T) he is like my twin brother...6yr elder... he acts as 13yr old boy tho(●-●)....I call him Vro till now tho... n when he act childish I called him GADHA...N he used to be like "Donn'ttttt Callll me thatttttt You Manjolika!" N then we gave each other diff. diff. Names...n fought like that ...in a RESPECTFUL way...bruhhhhhhhhh... Alien ,VIP(busy), Manjolika, gadha, pgl, Idiot, khali dimaagi,PK , Budbak , ...others idk.
N about me a my bf...
I don't wanna call him that cuz ppl say online relationship fails mostly or sometimes... so I better call him my Dear Hubby... yeah...he irritates me n makes me truly angry that I feel like beating him up...but "Everything is fine in love and War..Right Senorita??~"...
Ahem...
I respect his personality cuz Boys also need to maintain their self respect... but umm where is mine??(-_-)
Am also human right?... Ohk I don't want him to do anything...
Just forget the past and behave as if am Your 1st....
I am like a 10y/o lil child , who understands everything but afraid of this world...
Treat me like a child na hubby...[At this rate I remember..vro used to make me sleep when it was 1am..he really treated me like his lil sis(-_-)]...
I remember some1 said....ik who...but ya tht creature is just disgusting too...
"Never compare anyone with the ONE YOU LOVE And always remember not to compare your besto and Bf..."
But what if I say My Bf is My DEAR HUBBY
and As my Vro is like my elder twin...
He is Ofc like my own brother and then You know what I mean...HE will be my Hubby's Brother in law....and about bf n gf... Uk what... after breakup bf n gf get separated n just sad drama..but couples are only husband and wife...[I cried today afternoon too continuously 60 min..itz 27 dec. (3pm) TBH...]
I don't want small matters to interrupt our Bond...If you r reading this...
Then just listen up...yes am warning you...I don't want anything to happen between us and Faltu misunderstanding to be created... If you want to know something just ask but am bad at explaining when you suddenly ask anything out of the topic...Please hubby...This Morning you asked n that I didn't like you from the start that's why I rejected you..so I was not prepared to ans this sudden question so I PANICKED n I blabbered nonsense...bruhhh.. don't believe my words...
Am bad with words I hope you are good at reading eyes...So that in future this won't happen.... I rejected cause..[I swear on my life I didn't mention but This Is Truth] I actually Swear to God That I won't get in Relationship till I complete my High School....But... I Didn't Want you to be hurt cause of me too...
So I took the risk and Here am........
Yeah...Getting Punished....
Uk What If I was a bad person na I would have died...but I did gud things too so am getting punished by ruining my best days of childhood which ARE MOST Precious days of everyone's life....
I feel like crying right now...
I know YOU WILL FORGET THESE WORDS OF MINE. But still.....
I trust you...ya
But PLEASE don't take me for granted...
I Know ,you care about yourself...
But if you truly do then what's the point of harming yourself if you truly do? If you are a trustful person then 1st be honest with your own self...
Am getting hurt day by day I am NOT JOKING I feel like dieing....But I don't wanna ruin this child's dream [saying this while looking at my tolderhood pic when I was 2 months only]...
I deserve this punishment by God...yea...
I hurt everyone n create problems only...
Am just a trouble...
N one more reason as I told you...I didn't wanna include him in my problem that's why I was staying away...
He is Caring...Sweet...Lovely...
Sometimes he gets INSANE(Too much angry) which makes me scared of him...
If only He could listen to my explanation...n just try to understand me a bit...
DEAR Hubby... you know what I HATE you cause when I need you the most..only at that time you are angry on me n not replying...
Still if I did something I accept My Troublesome mistake...
Please don't leave me...
Itz hard for me to accept you when you are just angry on me n don't listen and when am angry you be like "(*~*) Ohkk na itz fine na now don't be angry anymore itz Enough"..and when am crying u be like "ohkk ohkkNow Smileee.." I like this smile smile dialogue cuz itz sweet..n feels familiar..
Uk today am Really really really.....
💔(T-T)
Why was I even born...
Even if I was born then why did this happened....
My Life was already planned Ik
You know what Dear...
Meeting you was also in my destiny....
Idk if you consider me as a Lier too or not...but please 💔....
Am not a lier...I might hide smthg or forget smthg but am not a lier...
I want to share everything with you cause I wanted "my future Husband" to understand me the MOST...even more than my besto...But here
Everything is going Opposite...
You are really opposite than I expected few years ago...
Overthinkers are negative thinkers mostly but They are right most of the time...
Uk what I guess..no I am 50% sure...
Am Adopted...
That's why am Badly Hurt...💔
It hurts Right here [pointing towards my heart]...but I dunno which part of my heart hurt cause Itz already Shattered in 'N(infinite) number' of pieces....
My cousin once told me...and not once but thrice...last year 1st time...during may 2nd n now last Saturday itz 3rd....
N as am single child of my parents
I asked mom tht why I don't have any sibling n my mom told me that if I had an elder sibling then I would have not been here...I thought they only wanted a single child but now I understand that If they had a child [who might have been 25y/o (if he/she was born 1 year after their marriage) next year] they would have not adopted me right??...
And once when I was 11 or 12, mom told me not to believe anyone if they said i was adopted....its kinda reasonable...tho
And today...mom said that she went to every God every holy place n begged for a child (I was bornt 10 year after their marriage) cause she wanted one dearly but non of the God granted her wish or felt pity on her..that's why she don't belive that "god helps everyone who calls for him"...so can this make me believe that am surely adopted......
I heard from everyone that 'I have been a weak child since I was born'.... so this makes me doubt my adoption thing...
Yeah I was weak n When I was small baby I used to fell from bed....BANG..BANG..BANG....many times...so my circle head look like sq. N I used to run while playing n I have hurt myself by falling many times n My parents,especially my father, used to take care of me the most...I was my Father's princess...But now he changed n mummy too...they say I have grown up(they still talk frankly to me tho...)
So I have nothing much to speak now Ig...I hope ig...
So I again apologized to God For ALL the sins I have committed and as an apology I exchanged smthg that most people won't exchange......(its a secret between me n Dear God) I exchanged cause I Don't want that child(me,myself) to be sad cuz her childhood was ruined...
I want nothing...
But I dont wanna leave this world in regret that I hurt someone n myself too...so I am trying to correct every
Mistake....[If IMPOSSIBLE can be I'M POSSIBLE...then why can't IMMATURE be like I'M MATURE ?] Yeah am Immature...
Itz impossible to understand me...
Cuz Everyone give up...
Even if anyone say 'I can' then also itz impossible...
Cuz am Unpredictable...
You can't guess my actions...
I WANT THE EVIL INSIDE ME TO VANISH...
CAUSE I DON'T WISH TO HURT ANYONE AT ANY COST... EVEN IF IT COST MY LIFE I AM READY...
But 1st I have to think of those ppl who worked hard for me (my dear parents) and let them live a peaceful life...
I can't bear to see anyone get hurt now...
Please...
Leave me Alone...
Am just a Bad Luck...
[WAIT A MINUTE...
WHAT IF ... IF MY MOM WAS IN HOSPITAL AND SOMEONE KEPT ME BESIDE HER... AND EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS HER OWN CHILD AND THEY SILENTLY KEPT ME AND ONLY MY FAMILY(mom's and dad's siblings n their parents) KNOW THAT AM ADOPTED AND AFTER THEM NO ONE KNOWS!!!!??????][IF WHAT I THOUGHT IS TRUE THEN ITS REASONABLE THAT....
.............am adopted?..............]
But Atleast am Alive...😐
[Dear Mom...God did listened to your prayer and I was granted to you By God himself....]
OHK SO HAPPY ENDING....
AM MISSING SOMETHING????
______________________________________
OH...
I was gonna tell this right....
Ohk so since childhood My mom started taunting (yea..its called scolding but indirectly taunting) me by saying my future husband would kick me out of his house if this goes on....(-_-)...[am gud at nothing :) ....]
And also said that my mother in Law would scold her by saying that she (my mom) didn't taught me anything at all...
And till today...she ask me that Will i take care of her or would send her to orphanage...
I said yes ofc I will take care of you both...
Then she said what if your husband didn't allow you to? Then I said yea, then also I will take care of you... and how can it be that he won't allow me too?.....
During Lockdown...umm...
When I was thinking about my future one....
As I told ya I also got addicted to that stuff... but I thought about my future one And for his sake (I didn't even knew what type of person he might be) I stopped all that stuff...
But I became a innocent person having dirty mind (-_-!)....
But Whenever my future one's thought would come na....
I would start making guesses...
"Will he be able to handle me??....Will he truly Love me???....Will he hit me???....Will he be rich???....Will he also become greedy like other people???.....Will he also Quarrel with me???....Will we really have a love marriage???.....Will I have to be financially strong too???.....Will he love me or my belongings???(I meant will he be a cheater??)
And you know what
Parents had checked/seen my future by going to a fortune teller...[Can't call him fake cause his most of the prediction have come true I heard] and he was very old...
U know what
He told em' am gonna marry a rich man and it will be a love marriage....
I was like 💀
Like am gonna believe this....
Just....just.... KUCH BHI!!???
Ok
50% of the prediction can be true but not entire...
Idc abt the "rich" thing....
And having a love marriage can be true too
But you know what...
I just want my Dear one to be Understanding towards me....
I prayed to God one day that
"Bhagwan ji,
I wish for nothing like a greedy person like having a rich or handsome or a businessman type husband (-_-)
I just want that special one...who is actually special for me...and think of me as someone special for him too...
I won't confuse you God ji...but I want him to Love me Whole Heartedly....umm...like they show in TV shows....My future one should be a TRUE person....I don't wish to see a lier....
Thank you"
Umm....I guess it was something weird like this....
Yeah I had the idea of true n lier....
That's why I was alone In school.....
I only had 1 or 2 frnds till 8th grade...
.
.
.
.
And youuuuu knnnnnowwww whattt....
the sweetest thing I wished for my future hubby was that...[sorry 🙏🏻 for that dear but I wished 🤧]
[This was in the past and has nothing to do with my present thoughts but I just remembered]
"Even if he gets in a....Umm...relationship...and no matter what they promised...or how much they love each other.... IF he is in my destiny then he must be with me only....cause its faith that bring us together ofc"
[If you are reading...Sorrrrryyyyyyyyyyy
I get a bit selfish when it comes to you cause I want you for Myself Only!]...
😝 I loved you even before we met you know....
And I also wished that.....
[I was always dependent upon god ji....so I wished soo muchhh]
[And am remember everything bit by bit and my mood is automatically getting better cuz (I had forgot abt these wishes) these wishes came into my mind all of the sudden....]
"I promise that I won't get into unnecessary Relationships things....and wishhh that the 1st one I Love and date and be with...becomes my Future one [feeling genuinely happy]..."
And don't get fooled that I had accepted someone's proposal last time!
Cause my wish contain...That "the one I love"... If someone asked n I just accepted casually...will tht be really considered as "LOVE"???
(*-*) please don't Spread this "wishes" of mine...
My cousin shall not read it...
Cause she might guess it....am sometimes scared of her...but She says she is scared of me...(-_-)........
Dear Hubby...
You should be able to understand this I hope.....I didn't lie........
Am willing to do anything for you but I also have my own Ethics, my own borderline , my own family to handle (parents).....
Please try to understand me...
And I know you try...but I still want you to get to know about me.... I can't afford to Lose you yaar....
These Boards got me tensed and I had forgot about EVERYTHING.....
And these most important wishes too...
...Hah...
.......finally....Now I won't have any problem in Loving you freely..........
{....Everytime I was sad na in the past.....
I would believe on telepathy and (please I request you don't laugh) I would try to send you msgs through mind with all my love ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡......
[Ughhhhh.....But it's TRUE I used to tell you to be my one and only...and to never ever get angry on me like my parents do sometimes....and Be the Bestest hubby.......I USED TO THINK IN MY MIND...AS IF YOU ARE REALLY LISTENING].....}
Just DON'T ORDER ME.....
I TRULY JUST HATE IT...
You can also tell me somethings politely in a frankly way n
I have an habit of understanding matters that way....(-_-!)....so whenever you scold me or get angry....I just panic and mess up everything....
And if I don't msg you....
Just think that.....
Am busy as a student......
Or..........am just confused how to start a conversation.....
But still always remember
No matter how far distance separates us..
Or we talk regularly or not....
WE ARE STRONGLY BOUNDED BY OUR HEARTS...
THANK GOD
I REMEMBERED THIS ON TIME 😵
I WOULD HAVE MESSED UP.....
Ohk
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
I ALWAYS TELL YA n
I ONLY HAVE ONE UNREPLACABLE HUBBY...♡
○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●
I DUNNO IF YOU WOULD FORGET ABOUT THIS
But All I wrote was true......
I am tired of writing on papers or books
About my thoughts....
Am just wasting pages na.....
YT say that if you overthink then write down thoughts....
I just wrote EVERYTHINGGGGGGG
am EXTREMELY Happppppyyyyyy.........(>v<).......
You Indirectly made myself feel good.....
Soo as u can see...
These are my thoughts I tell you to listen!!!!!
And....umm...
There is more but... I already wrote soo much I will write more next time.........
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REMEMBER!!!!
THIS BAKA LOVEEEEEE YAAAAAA THEEEE MOSSSSSSSTTTTTTT 😆❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣....these hearts are less 🙁
Just hear how much my fast my heart beats for you....
Bestest Choice....👍
MUAAAHHHHHH....
