All says your life flashes before you at your eleventh hour. It's my life, I had my own choices, I took all the results of my own decisions and all of them flashes right before my eyes.
6 years ago, I got into laville university, one of the most prestigious institution of the lixi country. It was my dream to be here, to know many people, to learn, to experience and to live a long happy life with all my people. When I first attended the class my classmate, Liz Scott,sitting next to me extended her hand of friendship and make me know of others. Alex was my second friend who show me around the whole campus and teach me to make friends. "Hey, you got to know all of them. They are all gathering today to visit the campus. It'll be fun." Alex always was playful and talkative. He knows how to make others comfortable."Liz will be picking you up. So, don't be late." Telling me this Alex went to others.
In the evening Liz came early and hurried me to the east gate. It was a beautiful day and I saw him when Alex told me, "He's Damian, Belle."
"Hi, Damian Wayne. Nice to meet you."he extended his hand. As we shook hands I said, "Nice to meet you. Belle Delphine." The others were also greeted and we started our tour. He had already visited the campus before so he guided me during the whole tour. 1st semester ended while we all got to know each other and at the start of next semester he proposed me to be his girlfriend. He was like a school hunk, all girls wanted to get close to him. And he choose me. It was my first time having a confession and I kinda had a little crush on him. We were so happy. We were always together. Studying, eating, attending classes.
One day Damian said, "I really wish to I can stay with you. I can't stand one minute staying without you.""Then come stay with me."After 10 minutes Damian was in front of my door. "My roommate is staying outside for a week. You can stay until then." Damian hugged me so tightly like never before. He stayed with me for a whole week. Although he loved me,kissed me, adored me but never wanted to make love with me. He said he wanted to wait as he don't know what the future holds. I find these so lovely.
After our semester exam finished, he started to keep distance. Always avoiding me with different kinds of excuses. One day he told me, " I didn't take your virginity so that you could save your face when you marry someone else. It's known that we can never get married. So, be grateful to me." I was so shocked, I stood there for a while then came back. It was summer holidays. I spent all my time staying in bed back in my home. As I was always stayed quiet in my house everyone thought I was okay. But I was trying to forget him. He didn't contacted me much during that time. Before the end of holidays he suddenly called and said he really loves me and cares for me. Although we never broke up officially, it was a time I spent forgetting everything.
His father was very sick. Until the end he always said,"My father is so sick. No one is in their right mind. Everyone is thinking about themselves only you love me." I didn't know what to do or say. I felt suffocated. I thought he needs me so I can't leave him now. But then again I felt why should I become his comfort. So I started avoiding his calls.
His father died. He called me and cried "there is noone in my life without you. My mother is always in sorrow, getting all attention from everyone. She isn't even thinking about me. My sis has her husband not even thinking about us. I'm in so much pain. I know you love me. Let's live together after going to the campus." I couldn't say anything.
We came back to the campus. He was so happy to see me, he came running and hugged me" Oh... It's been so long. I missed you so much. We'll be staying together from now on. Let's start looking for house." I struggled to get away from him "I don't want to stay together. Let's just be friends again. I'll always be there for you."
"What are you saying? Didn't we already decided to stay together? Why are you saying this now? And what do you mean by friends, you love me? I also love you, so what's the problem?"
"Let's talk about it later. Lets go to the dorm first."
Next day he called early morning and told me to come out.
He was standing beside the notice board. Upon seeing me he came running and tried to kiss me, I avoided.
"What does it mean? Don't you like it? Oh. I get it. Here's many people. You're shy. Sooo cute. Alright, let's go to find our home."
"l don't want to.I don't love you anymore. And I don't want to stay together."
"What are you saying? Is it because now I have no one? Are you doing this because you are the only person I can rely on? I love you so why are you doing this? You do love me."
"I don't." I shouted. He slapped.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You must be mad because I ignored you before going home.you don't mean it I know. I'm sorry."
I said trembling" I- I really don't love you anymore. Please believe me."
"Do you know everyone talked so bad behind your back but I stood up for you. I never had sex with you. You always begged me to stay with you and now you're saying you don't love me!"
He has asthma. He started having breathing problem, "let's talk about it later. I'm going now."
For the next four years we kept doing this. Although everyone thought we were so happy but we never were. I struggled to get away from him and he tried to grab me however way he could.
I got a job in a new company. he was really quiet during three months. I thought everything was over. He called me again today," How are you? Do you know what have you done? Are you happy? I asked you to stay together with me. I could have been the man you could never think of. Now I can't even find a job because you didn't help me. You didn't help me mentally, physically,or in building my career. You said you loved me. But this is what you do for a man you love.what excuses can you give?"
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" Why are you not saying anything? Cat got in your mouth?"
Again, all of it again started. What should I do. I kept thinking about all things that could have been done.
"What is your problem? Why aren't you answering? If you had stayed with me, wouldn't you have been the most happy person with me? Why didn't you helped me?"
"Am I that unworthy of you? I know it's my fault. All of its my own decisions and I am to blame but still can't you be forgiving. Haven't you had enough of your revenge. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have neglected you but is it not enough now?
"WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING?" He shouted and cut the call.
I kept thinking about what to do.he kept saying that I am not to blame but I can't stop thinking that it is no one but me who should be blamed.
I struggled enough to keep my composure,no one in this world has any idea of what's going on with me.Not long after his father's death my mom also died, my father got critically ill. Everyone started to call my sister-in-law a jinx. I kept my family strong through it all. They were my greatest strength although they didn't know anything. But now I feel like everything is crumbling. And while thinking all of these I found myself standing on a bridge hanging by the railings.
