I fall in love.
Why do I fall in love?
I dunno.
Maybe because it's the law of love gravity. Maybe, it's the unbinding force of this absurd universe. Maybe it's because of the shackles of cursed red tapestry. Maybe it's written by gods.
No matter how I seek for a logical reason, I just couldn't understand. Why would I succumb to such agonizing thing? There's no logical explanation for it. Or maybe, there was. I just couldn't find it.
I fall in love with you, so sudden, like a flash of lightning. It came without a warning, striking me hard, that I couldn't evade. I didn't even knew it was coming. It didn't came knocking, instead it came like a burglar, catching me off-guard.
Maybe it was infatuation, maybe just a hopeless crush. Or maybe it was truly love, I couldn't tell. But if it was just mere infatuation, then with what reason? Is it because of your looks that I couldn't even remember? Nah, that's impossible. Is it because of your intellect which I haven't even witnessed? Nah, that would be absurd. Or is it your personality which I truly found sucks? Is that even a valid reason? I really couldn't fathom this stupid thing inside me, liking you in the worst possible way.
Yes, I don't remember your face. How could I, if I don't even dare look at it? There's no way to tell how you look like but believe me, I had already embedded your silhouette inside my brain. That even from afar, I could tell if it was you quietly walking.
And yes, I heard you are an intellectual. A genius, if it was not exaggerated. I was amazed of course but is that enough to make me get out of myself? Nah, I definitely don't want someone with high IQ, it will only make me question my value. And if I really liked you for that one quality, why do I feel ecstatic seeing you blunder? That's mere absurdity.
And oh, forgive me but I truly find your personality sucks. With that nonchalant demeanor acting all mighty and stuff. You acted egoistical and self-centered, like you only own your world and no one else matters. I really hate it.
But why do I keep on torturing myself thinking about you. Why do I spend sleepless nights worrying if you hated me? Why do I find it agonizing that you keep on ignoring my existence? Is it still infatuation? Is it still a hopeless crush?
Nonetheless, no matter how incomprehensible it is, one thing is I know for sure. This erratic beating of my heart whenever you're close is not a lie. The nervousness, the sweet little tingling of my nerves as if they've been shocked with micro amount of electricity. The happiness whenever you are around. The longing when you're not. It was real.
Even if it was just a mere crush. Even if it was just simply infatuation, my feelings are real. They are real and they are still growing.
