"What is this feeling? Is it love? Admiration? Obsession? I don't understand... are we meant to be?". Thoughts like these rushed through my mind. Luke was the love of my life. Atleast, that's what I've always thought.
"Since I was a child, I've always looked up to Luke. He was my world. He was my everything. He taught me how to protect myself and he taught me how to escape from situations that might harm me. Luke was an angel... a fallen angel. Luke was the only real friend I had. He was with me through thin and thick. Through all the hardships I faced and he was right there in my days of glory too.
There were times that I found myself sunken deep in his beautiful eyes. He always acted like he loved me back. But our love... oh, if we can even call it that, was forbidden. He was someone I could never reach with my bare hands. He was otherworldly. He was just... perfect.
I began to dress nicely for him, I began to try harder at school for him,and I began to take care of myself for him. It was evident that he made me become a better person.
One day, luke confessed to me. And oh, it was such a beautiful confession. He took me to my balcony, held my hands under the starry sky, looked at me straight in the eye and said;
"I may not be good enough for you. I may not be the one who can provide for you. But I will try my best to take care of you. To take care of myself. I love you, and I won't get tired even if I say it a million times." And the rest, was history.
We were the most perfect couple. But our love was far too pure for this horrid world. We loved being together but others didn't enjoy seeing us together. We never caused trouble for anyone and yet... others caused trouble for me-
For...us.
My parents never accepted this relationship. They couldn't stand seeing us together. So, they always ignored my beloved luke. They always acted like he didn't exist. Luke's response to all this was simple; if we die, we should die together. He always just told me over and over again that we should cut our own throat open or drink poison to escape from here and finally be together in heaven.
One day, all the pressure was just... unbearable. So, we both decided that we would end all this... once and for all.
We decided that if we couldn't be together till we die, we might as well just die now.
So he took me to the very balcony that he confessed to me and looked into my eyes, which were already tearing up. Not because I was about to end my life. But because I finally understood exactly how much I mean to him. He said to me softly; "Let's jump in the count of three. Got it?". I noded yes and silently took his hand.
"3... 2..."
While I was getting ready to jump, I found luke's hand disappearing. But when he counted to 1, I just jumped. I felt as if I wasn't the one controlling my own body. But I still don't know... I still don't know why... luke didn't jump with me."
.
.
.
Hearing all this, my therapist put her pen down and removed her glasses.
"And have you yet realiased that the person you're talking about; Luke, might be just an imaginary character that you've created to escape the reality of this world? Have you considered that luke may be just the little voice in your head, which taught you how to protect youself and also encourged you to commit suic*de?" She said with a worried expression.
"No... it can't be..." I responded in tears, afraid and reluctant to accept the truth.
By-
ft.luci.
Thank you for reading!
