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Every year Jungkook and Taehyung visited the sea. It was a trip they always looked forward to because it meant spending time with each other, watching the waves, and visiting their families in Busan. Every year until that year. The memory is still fresh in his mind like a moment that happened yesterday, but it’s been years and the memory won’t leave his mind; it won’t let him rest.
It all started with a call. Taehyung's parents were moving further in land and wanted to gift the residence to Taehyung and Jungkook. “The perfect newlywed gift”, his mother had said, and it was. The place held so many special memories for both of them. Neither could think of a better home to start their lives together.
“It was cursed,” Jungkook whispered to no one in particular, the waves beating hard against the rocks and crags below.
On the night they moved, it was pouring rain. The worst weather for moving. Mud everywhere and everything soaked under the torrential downpour. “That doesn’t matter when one’s in love. It’s part of the experience Jungkookie” Taehyung said in a sing-song voice, singing loud and purposefully off-key to some cheesy old music. It was a long drive, the house situated in an isolated area connected to the sea.
They drove slowly, trying to be careful and cautious, but it gave them some time to talk about future plans and that was enough to make Jungkook smile. He could listen to Taehyung talk the entire drive and it would have been enough. They talked about all the renovations they planned to do together, the spare bedrooms for any additions to the family. “Like a dog’s room?” Jungkook had joked playfully with a nudge from Taehyung who followed it with a swift hug. He remembered that vividly. It was one of the last times he’d ever smile like that again. The last time he’d smile and it wasn’t forced. He should have gone with Taehyung. He should have never let him go alone.
“You couldn’t have known.” “Count your blessings.” “It was his time to go” All utter bullshit, he thought while thanking everyone for their kind words, condolences, and everything else that came out of anyone’s mouth, filtered or not. “I’m glad you didn’t. Son, you’d be gone too.” And although he couldn’t say it to his parents, he wishes every day that he’d gone with Taehyung because a life without him was dreary and barren. Lifeless. It felt like a punishment, an endless cycle of sorrow and pain.
Looking out at the sea Jungkook thought of how cold and lonely it was. The sea, the house, his life. What was stopping him from drowning in it?
Taehyung. He’d never want Jungkook to die alone and unhappy. He’d want Jungkook to try and live his life to the fullest - as hard as it was. To at least try. “I can’t Tae. Not without you.” He whispered under his breath, looking out over a sea that seemed endless, stretching on for what looked like forever. The sun was setting low on the water. It looked like fire spreading across the waves.
“I would have gone with you, Tae
I should have gone.
I miss you.”
Every year Jungkook visits the sea. Every year he contemplates drowning in it. Maybe one year he will.
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𝗘𝗻𝗱᪣
