I hear him. I hear them. The soft murmurs erupt from the inner volcano. My hands shiver and my body folds itself in fear. I lose control of myself, my neuro cells refusing to hear my pleas.
The murmurs, the voices intellapping my eyes open and I see him the love of my life, standing there with his hand extended towards me I gasp and raise my hand towards him. I crawl, but he doesn't budge, his face morphs into something inhumane, I crawl more, but he keeps going far back, so far that I can't see him anymore.
The world shifts around me visuals shifting white, white, all around my eyes. Everything settles but where am I? Flowers, flowers, so many flowers. Hands clawing at me, stripping me naked, "No, no, no". I shout, they are saying something again "We won't leave you, we love you, your body is ours."
"No, No. I am not his, I am not theirs. It's me, it's just me, no one is here."
"But we are here, but we are here"
The wishers don't soothe away, they are eating at me. The world collapses again. Two hands pulled me into an embrace. I feel warm, and my body relaxes.
"Are you okay?"
That voice, that voice, I heard it somewhere. Who? My mom. But she died. Yeah, she died. She is not here, she can't be here. The moment flips again, my head spins, and my body shivers. I can't keep my eyes open. I fight the urge to close my eyes, but I fail miserably. This calls for another injection, another session, another hour relieving my past, my wounds, and my scars.
I am sitting in a room, so classy but so threatening at the same time.
"I heard you had another attack?"
"Yeah, yeah, I guess I did"
That's what she calls it 'attack' but it's not that. What I feel and experience cannot be described in a word. It's horror, it's war, it's everything I know of.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She always asks that like she is going to take a no for an answer. She might leave me alone for now but she'll ask me later; maybe after a few hours? Days? Months? But she will ask again, she will rip it out of me. Just like they did. Just like they ripped me to shreds, she will do the same, she will do the same, everyone does the same.
I close my eyes, I choose not to speak, not now, not before, not ever.
"Ria? Ria?"
"Are you with me?"
"Hmm, I am"
"Give me a second "
"Okay, okay, Do you want me to step out for a bit?"
I give her a curt nod and then I hear footsteps, her heels click on the floor, and the door opens and shuts. I look around and see the all-too-familiar window. If I jump will it all stop? Will they finally leave me alone?
"Yes, Yes, we will go, go far away"
"Jump, jump, jump"
The murmurs overlap. A sharp pain goes through my mind and I stand up with stumbling feet I try to move ahead. I knock over the drawers and hear sharp footsteps in the corridor.
She is coming back, she will snatch away my freedom, she will stop me again, not now, not this time. I won't let her.
My feet move towards the door and I click the lock. My knees give up and I fall on the floor. My body shivering and I hear the bees buzzing in my ears.
"Move, move, she will snatch your happiness away, do I, do it now"
I crawl, I crawl towards the window. My head hurts, I must have hit it somewhere maybe the window frame. With all my strength I leap like the champion I am. Schizophrenia, anxiety, it's all a lie, everything is a lie. I embrace my freedom. I am free now, in this pool of red, my mind finally rests and the voices go away for good. I won, I won the last run of my life.
