There was a girl who always seemed to be in another world. She would lay her head down on the table, pillow, or her shoulders. Her mind wandered like a migrating bird.
She saw the birth of a baby and noticed how much that baby cried. At that time, she felt, "Look, this is the cry of existence."
Surrounding people smiled and cried happily seeing the baby. The baby was carried by everyone. All the relatives waited in line. Doctors and nurses smiled over this. A birth brought so many smiles.
They said, "Our baby will make us proud."
They said, "Definitely, she will be the most sensible child."
They said, "This angel will look after us during our old age."
They said, "Look how beautiful she is. Oh baby, smile."
They said, "I've already decided that she will choose the science stream later on."
They said, "She will be obedient and good-natured in the future."
The girl at first felt uncomfortable but soon forgot about this.
Then, soon after, a child just ten years old had an accident before her, and her mind buzzed with several cries all over the place.
The car flew over him. His legs were crushed, and his hands too. Miraculously, his vital parts were fine.
The child's mother was screaming at the top of her lungs, the father was hurrying with tears that he didn't know how to shed, and other people started to call an ambulance.
The child was immeasurably in pain. He first cried in his own pain but soon looked at his mother and father, who were crying more than him. He cried, but this time his cry was because of his parents' pain, not just his own. His trembling voice was so painful, but he said, "Papa, Mama, please don't cry."
At that time, the girl was standing not so far away from them. She stared at them, mostly at the boy who was so sensible. He who could see others' pain while in his own. He was someone great.
But the girl saw something else too. At that moment, she understood, parents are selfish too. They were crying over how badly the child was hurt and started to pour their sadness out. They didn't consider how their reactions would affect the child. The adults became children, and the child became an adult. This is what parents expect nowadays.
The small guy who should have been crying without any sense of understanding others was trying to control himself. The parents, who should have been acting calm at that moment, were wailing.
The girl is not a parent herself; maybe that's why she can't understand this phenomenon. But this affected her greatly. It seems like nothing much of a matter, but this shows the real mentality of some parents. Sometimes, the weak mentality of the person raising us affects us in ways we never notice.
We always think of our parents as supreme and most powerful since our childhood, but seeing them vulnerable like this can break the fundamental belief of the child.
What do they ask of us?
They tell us to be more sensible.
What do they expect?
A child who will make them proud.
What do they provide us with?
Financial and biological assistance.
But,
Do they try to converse about their child's mentality?
Do they provide unconditional love without expectations?
Do they try to be the ones who are more sensible?
Do they make the child proud instead?
Do they make efforts which seem unnecessary but are very necessary to the child?
Do they want the child to make their own decisions?
The answer to all these questions is no.
Which is a harsh reality.
The girl remembered the newborn baby of her relatives, and she went to visit her. But as if she entered into her own childhood, she saw the exact same behavior in the child.
The baby, who couldn't even speak properly, was left alone in the living room. She was playing all by herself. Her older siblings, who were going to school, also had that face of good-natured sensibility.
The girl asked the baby's mother, who was talking with her friend on the phone for hours afterwards, "Sister-in-law, are you not going to take the baby out?"
The answer, as expected by her, was, "What will she do outside?" And added, "I don't want her to play or she will become disobedient from now."
The girl just smiled and didn't say anything else and left. Years later, she saw this cycle of parents and children.
And a time came when the girl thought,
I don't want to live, even though I'm born.
I don't want parents, even though I have them.
I don't want to be sensible, even though I am.
She thought, "I want life to be like rain. I don't want my life to be a white cloud, which is expected by everyone. I want to be the rain, which is not expected much, short-lived, rare, and overlooked most of the time. Rain, after it is used, is forgotten."
I would rather be rain than the clear sky, which has to meet the expectations of drying clothes, providing sunshine, perfect weather for a picnic, a good amount of temperature during winter, making the day happy for people, and at last receiving endless remarks about not being able to provide sun due to the dark clouds for a few days.
(This is just a abstract of my diary which was written years ago. I'm not writing this to provoke anyone. I'm just sharing what I've seen and experience.)
