1
My son is dead. He died in a hotel fire.
The firefighter's husband came to the rescue that day, but was busy saving the mother and son of his first love, who lived next door to us.
Before he died, my son asked me, "Dad is a big hero and has saved so many people, why won't he save us?"
I can't answer.
At the kid's funeral, I called Gu Qing Pei.
He hurriedly said, "Yin Yin and her son are in the hospital with burns, can you not be blindly jealous regardless of the occasion?"
Then, hung up.
I sat in my wheelchair, looking at my children's headstones and the large burns on my body, knowing that our marriage had come to an end.
......
"Dad! I ...... I'm here!"
"Nanami, cover your mouth and nose and stop talking."
By the time my son and I realized there was a fire, it was so big that we had to hide in our room.
My husband, Gu Qing Pei, is a firefighter. He's the one who led the rescue today.
My son and I saw him from upstairs and we both thought our savior had arrived.
When we traveled, I sent him the address and room number of the hotel where we stayed.
But when Gu Qing Pei went upstairs, he crossed over to our room and went straight to the next room to save Liu Yin and her son.
My son couldn't hold back his emotions any longer and asked me in tears:
"Mom, Aunt Liu they are also ...... also here, Dad will only be heartbroken they ...... are not ...... not care about us again? Mom, I'm ...... almost out of breath, so ...... hard ah ......"
The house was full of smoke and he was only five years old and he was already barely holding it together.
I took a dampened towel, panicked, covered his mouth and nose, and carried him to the door.
"Gu Qing Pei! Nannan is dying, save us!"
"Gu Qing Pei, please!"
Just this once, can he turn around and look at us!
Gu Qing Pei passed through the doorway, and I yelled at him tearfully, but he didn't even stop for a second.
Amidst the roaring flames, all I could hear was him gently comforting Liu Yin.
"Don't be afraid, Umbra, with me here, you and the baby will be fine!"
The smoke was choking my brain a little, and I tried to cover my son's ears as an afterthought, but it was still too late.
He had tears in his eyes, and his pupils had begun to lax.
"Daddy ...... Why does Daddy always ...... always fail to notice me ......"
"I ...... I've obviously been shouting ...... very ...... loudly."
"Ahem ...... mom ...... I'm sorry, there's no ...... way to be ...... with you anymore Stay with you anymore ......"
"In my next life, mommy give ...... me a new daddy ...... OK ......"
When Nanami finished, her hand dropped.
My mind buzzed and went blank, only my chest felt like it was being nailed upward one at a time, and the pain was so bad I could hardly stand it.
I got up with difficulty and hugged his tiny body tightly, unable to suppress the soreness in the corners of my eyes.
"Okay, mom will listen to you! Nannan, don't go to sleep, just hold on a little longer, okay? Mommy will take you out now!"
Black smoke rolled out, so much so that I couldn't see Nan Nam's face.
The floor was hot, the door was hot, and the flames burned into my body, along with Nanami in my arms.
How much my baby should hurt ......
I cried and put out the fire for him, and I couldn't put it out.
The smoke was so big and the fire was so big that I couldn't walk so I crawled on the ground, but this corridor seemed to have no end.
It was the other firefighters who ended up coming in and sweeping up, finding us and taking us to the hospital.
Gu Qing Pei was in the next ward with Liu Yin's mother and son.
But he was like in the fire, a wall away from ever noticing me and Nan Nam, full of nothing but mother and son of the white moonlight.
The doctor had to drag me in to treat a full body burn.
I refused and just fell to my knees and begged them over and over to save my son.
"He's just so overwhelmed he's temporarily asleep, help him!"
The doctor sighed and took Nanami into the emergency room, where the defibrillator was activated again and again, but the tiny body never opened its eyes again.
He said, "The child suffered quite a lot from the fire and lived, so let's not torture his body after death."
Yes, my Nam Nam is so afraid of pain, how can he stand it?
......
I had severe burns all over my body and got my brother to take care of the child's funeral and matters related to my divorce from Gu Qing Pei.
The divorce papers were drawn up the day of my injury and I signed them.
But Gu Qing Pei's phone couldn't be reached, just like the day at the fire.
I was a little slow to react to the fact that I had been blackballed by him again.
Every time Gu Qing Pei accompanied Liu Yin's mother and son, he got tired of my phone calls and pulled the plug on me.
When he's in a good mood, he'll release me.
I had endured this sort of thing for six whole years, and at this moment I suddenly felt incredibly tired and jaded.
My brother had gone to the funeral home to communicate with Nam Nam's aftermath, and only the caretaker was with me.
I let the caregiver carry me to the wheelchair and turn it to go next door to find Gu Qing Pei.
This ridiculous marriage of ours, I can't stand it even for a second!
2
The next ward is also a one-room ward.
My family has money, and I make 20,000 dollars a month, so I don't need to spend Gu Qing Pei's.
Otherwise, with his small salary, he could barely support his family, so how could he give Liu Yin and her son the luxury of a single room?
The mother and son from the fire came out, only face stained with some soot, the body has a few sporadic prairie blisters, but Gu Qing Pei heartache is not like words.
I thought again of Nanami's disfigured little body and felt my heart ache for breath.
Sure enough, there's a big difference between love and no love.
"Gu Qing Pei!" I shouted his name through gritted teeth.
Gu Qing Pei turned his head to look at me, his smiles converged and his brows immediately furrowed, "Yan Lu, who gave you permission to come in? Get out!"
I wore a hat and mask to cover my injuries for fear of scaring people.
But I was in a hospital gown and a wheelchair, and I knew with my toes that I was unwell and hospitalized.
Gu Qing Pei, however, could not see it with a blind glance.
He was afraid that I would disturb Liu Yin's mother and son as they recuperated, so he got up and pushed me out, not forgetting to warn me.
"Yin and I are just friends, how many times do you want me to explain? Her husband died early and she doesn't have any other family members, she's already pitiful enough, do you have to be so careful and make a scene over this kind of thing every time?"
I've heard all these lectures so many times.
Liu Yin doesn't have a husband, but she has Gu Qing Pei to take care of her.
I have a husband but it's the same as not having one.
The water pipe in the house collapsed and soaked through the ceiling downstairs, Gu Qing Pei was changing the light bulb in Liu Yin's house, telling me not to rely on him for everything, and in the end it was Wen He who helped.
I had a car accident and Gu Qing Pei was picking out baby clothes with Liu Yin and told me not to make a fuss over nothing.
Nannan midnight fever convulsions, he had to guard watching ghost movies frightened Liu Yin son, so that I do not mess with jealousy.
The list goes on and on.
At this moment, when I look at Gu Qing Pei's righteous look, my stomach turns over and I don't even want to say one more word to him.
"You sign the divorce papers, I'll leave and won't bother your family!"
I handed over the divorce papers.
Gu Qing Pei again thought I was making a scene and didn't answer, only saying impatiently, "Are you done? I'll go home when Yin Yin and Le Le get well!"
He used to promise me this, but this time I couldn't regenerate half of my expectations, "If you don't sign, I'll have my lawyer sue. Also, six days later Nan Nan funeral, you ......"
Inside, Liu Yin softly ah'd, "Qing Pei, I'm in pain!"
"Don't be afraid, I'm coming!"
Gu Qing Pei replied with nervousness and heartache, and surprisingly didn't even ask a single question about Nan Nan's funeral, so he just walked in.
I looked at the closed door, my heart felt like it was stabbed with a million knives, and I didn't even know how I got back, I just remembered that my chest was so tight that I was about to lose my breath.
Until the day of the funeral, Gu Qing Pei hadn't asked a single question about Nan Nan.
Even by the time the funeral was about to begin, he, the father, had not yet arrived.
The guests who had come were talking--
"Why isn't the baby's father here yet?"
"I heard he was at the hospital with a mother and child, and the woman was his ex-girlfriend."
"Then you can't even come to the child's funeral, it's too much of a shame, it's his own son!"
Everyone looked at me with sympathy.
Others came over to comfort me for fear that I would be too upset.
I feel like a thorn crawling in my throat when I think of the way my kid looks forward to his dad's company every time his eyes glaze over.
I clenched my hand tightly, my nails piercing the blisters on my palm, the pain barely suppressing my anger.
It's the child's farewell gift to the world, and I can't mess it up.
I said to my brother, "Call Gu Qing Pei, he's blackballed me."
My brother's face was ugly, and he called Gu Qing Pei, and the phone went through quickly.
"Gu Qing Pei, today is the Nan Nan funeral, you ......"
"Yan Lu, are you done? Yin Yin and her son were injured in the fire and hospitalized with an infection, I can afford to take care of them with my own conscience. Can you not look at everything dirty just because your heart is dirty? How dare you lie to me that Nan Nan is dead, how dare you!"
Gu Qing Pei was even angrier than me, and hung up the phone directly after saying that.
No wonder he didn t react at all that day when he heard that Nan Nan had passed away ...... feelings in the end were thinking that I was making no sense.
I've been accused by him many times, but only this time, I was so angry that my whole body was shaking and I couldn't even speak.
He yelled so loud that my brother stood next to me and heard it.
He grabbed his cell phone and sent Gu Qing Pei a picture of the South-South death notice and called again, each word seeming to be squeezed from his throat.
"Gu Qing Pei, see clearly? It's been a week since Nan Nan died, and you, the real father, haven't even shown your face, are you still a fucking human being?!"
3
My brother's words were solemn enough, but anyone who wasn't sick in the head wouldn't think that Nan Nan's funeral was a joke.
I thought Gu Qing Pei knew the truth, would apologize, would regret, would feel guilty.
But in fact, he hung up without saying anything and never showed up until the funeral.
I was strong the whole time, I'm not sure who the people who came were, and I don't remember what they said when they comforted me.
All I know is that I'm sitting in a wheelchair, looking at Nan's smiling face on the headstone, with his agonizing voice filling my ears.
"Mommy, I'm hurting!"
"Mom, didn't Dad remember we were in this room? Then why did he remember that Auntie Liu and Joy lived in the room next door?"
"I've been yelling really loud, why can't Daddy hear me? Mom, are we going to die?"
Those words replayed over and over again, like invisible threads that enveloped me in a nightmare that I couldn't get out of.
After the funeral, I was taken to the emergency room by my brother.
I have multiple burns on my body, and this time, after being out there for so long, I got a bad infection.
I had a high fever and my mind was so dizzy I couldn't tell reality from dreams.
I only vaguely remember that someone had been holding my hand, saying over and over again, "Yan Lu, don't sleep!"
......
By the time my condition was under control and I was transferred to the general ward, it was ten days later.
Gu Qing Pei sat on the edge of the hospital bed, the bottom of his eyes were full of black and blue, and his chin was covered with stubble, his unkempt appearance was not like him at all.
Seeing me wake up, a flash of joy appeared on his face.
"Yan Lu, you're finally awake! You ......"
I saw him and all those painful desperate repressed emotions came in at once, like they were going to burst my heart.
Snap!
I sat up with clenched teeth and slapped Gu Qing Pei heavily across the face.
How does he have the face to show up in front of me again?
Gu Qing Pei's face instantly swelled up, and her eyes were laced with bitterness.
"It's my fault that I wasn't able to go to Nan Nan's funeral. If you have any grievances in your heart, let them out, don't keep them to yourself, it's not good for your health."
Liu Yin rushed forward with a white face and knelt in front of me.
Her eyes blinked back tears.
"I'm sorry, Yan Lu, if you want to blame me, blame me. Lele had a heart attack that day, I was scared enough, and Qing Pei was worried about us, mother and son, that's why he was absent from Nan Nan's funeral."
"It's all my fault, it's okay for you to beat me, don't ever divorce Qing Pei because of me!"
Liu Yin grabbed my hand and pressed it to her face.
I don't know how many times she's done this before and I'm at a loss for words.
But this time--
Snap!
I slapped Liu Yin's face, especially felt not relieved, and heavily slapped up again.
"Bitch! What a bitch! Why are you such a bitch? There are so many single men under the sky, why do you have to seduce a man who has a husband? Is it because you want to steal a man from someone else that you can satisfy your bitchy mentality?"
When I was about to slap down for the third time, Gu Qing Pei grimaced and grabbed my hand.
"Enough! I've told you that Yin and I are just friends, she doesn't have a husband, and it's inconvenient for a single woman to bring up a child, so do you have to think of things in such a nasty way?"
I jerked my hand out hard, not even bothering to argue with him, only pointing at the door in disgust, "Get out!"
"Yan Lu, how can you do this to Qing Pei, he ......"
Liu Yin pretended to still want to talk.
I grabbed whatever I could get my hands on and slammed it at her and Gu Qing Pei, "Get out! Get out!"
Gu Qing Pei looked at me with a complicated expression, but he quickly escorted Liu Yin out in heartache.
I used to be sad when I saw this scene, but now I'm long since numb to it.
4
I'm the daughter of a famous family, while Gu Qing Pei is a firefighter with an ordinary family background, we shouldn't have crossed paths.
That time my best friend had a breakup and asked me out for a drink.
The bar was on fire, and when I was most desperate, Gu Qing Pei found me and took me out with a fight to the death.
He was good looking and saved my life, and I was madly infatuated with him.
After making sure he was single, I pursued him for a long time before he agreed to go out with me and took the initiative to propose to me.
Gu Qing Pei is a very gentle person, looking at anyone with a smile, encountering even the oddest people and oddities, his emotions are very stable.
The first time you meet him, you will feel that this person is very good to approach, but after a long time of contact, you will find it difficult to enter his heart.
After marriage, Gu Qing Pei salary all turned over, housework all inclusive, everyone said I married a good husband.
But he treats me very politely, and when he does intimate things with me, it's more like routine business ......
It's like there's an invisible membrane between us.
I thought he was like that with everyone, until Liu Yin got divorced and came back from abroad on the day I first saw Gu Qing Pei out of control.
That day was our wedding anniversary, but he took time off from work just to be with Liu Yin, and didn't even come home at night.
I realized later that Liu Yin was his ex-girlfriend.
The two fell in love in middle school and have been in a relationship for nearly a decade.
In the end, the two were forced to break up due to parental disapproval.
Gu Qing Pei said that he just thought that Liu Yin did not have a husband and it was difficult to bring up a child alone, so he thought to help her out, and he definitely did not do anything to apologize to me.
I believe it.
So, I'm losing all over the place.
I forgot that it's not physical cheating that's called cheating.
......
After Gu Qing Pei left, he sent me many messages, each of which was a small composition.
I didn't even want to look at it, pulled the plug on his WeChat and cell phone number, and called my brother to tell him to fire Liu Yin.
Previously, I did not know that she was Gu Qing Pei's ex-girlfriend, I heard that Gu Qing Pei has a friend, divorced with a child is not easy, but also happens to be in the media industry, so I took the initiative to let her go to my company to work.
Now that I think about it, probably a lot of people are looking at me funny.
The day after Liu Yin was fired, Gu Qing Pei came over.
He frowned, "I can tolerate it if you are angry with me and mess with me. But just because I take care of Yin Yin's mother and son a little bit more, you let your brother fire her out of jealousy ...... You know full well that she still has to earn money to support her son, are you doing this to force her to die?"
I stared at him coldly, "My family company, I can fire whoever I want, if you're not satisfied, you can arrange a new position for your white moonlight! I don't just have to fire her, every penny you spent on her while our marriage lasted, you're going to get it back!"
You're sympathetic to Yoo-in?
I sympathized, and what happened?
She was so close to sleeping in my bedroom with my husband!
Gu Qing Pei's face darkened at once: "Yan Lu, I'll emphasize to you again, I've never done anything to wrong you. She's my ex-girlfriend, I only treat her as a normal friend now!"
Common Friends Common Friends Common Friends Common Friends ......
I'm so sick of that line!
Also annoyed with his grandiose attitude!
I couldn't suppress my emotions any longer, "A common friend who's more important than me and Nanami's life?!"
"It's been ten days since Nan Nan's funeral, but if you cared one bit about us, mother and son, you should know that Nan Nan died in room 1217, next door to Liu Yin's room!"
"Nan Nan screamed at the top of her lungs for her father, only to watch his father violate fire rescue regulations by crossing into our room to save another woman and child!"
"I'm not asking you to favor me and Nannan, it's okay if you save the people you love first. Even if you ask if there's anyone else when you pull Liu Yin and leave with her child in your arms, or don't tell the other firefighters that there's no one else on this floor, my Nannan won't have to die!"
I yelled at him hysterically, like I was trying to shout out all the indignation in my heart at once.
Gu Qing Pei looked at me, the dissatisfaction and annoyance on his face faded, and he swiftly took on a grayish color.
He opened his mouth incredulously, but didn't make a sound, only the bottom of his eyes were crowded with pain and trepidation for a moment.
5
All of Gu Qing Pei's outbursts were because of Liu Yin's mother and son, and this was the first time he had shown so much emotion because of Nan Nan and me.
But it's not a distinction, more like naked irony.
Gu Qing Pei was at a loss for words and looked at me, "I'm sorry, I didn't know ...... I really didn't know that you were there with Nan Nan, I didn't mean it!"
He reached out to try to pull me, stumbling over his words even as he panicked.
I hit his hand hard, "I tweeted you about the hotel room, more than once. You only cared about telling Liu Yin's mother and son what to take with them when they went out and to be safe, but you even forgot that I was traveling out with Nan Nan, didn't you?"
The blood on Gu Qing Pei's face turned white, shivering as she took out her cell phone and scrolled up the messages.
I always like to share bits and pieces of my life with him, and I do most of the talking in dialog boxes between the two of us.
He replied with an occasional, uh-oh type of word.
The night before Nannan's accident, he said he missed his dad and wanted to make a video call to him.
But Gu Qing Pei was on the phone with Liu Yin's son Lele, and he said that Lele didn't have a father, and was very sensitive inside, a very poor child, and he had to be there for him more.
So he refused three successive video calls from his own son.
I couldn't bear to see Nan Nan sad, and said I would record a little video for him, and Dad would definitely watch it.
Nannan was happy to look into the camera, sharing with Gu Qing Pei a few of the sights we'd been to, and saying with anticipation where we lived, hoping he'd have time to come over and play with us.
Gu Qing Pei trembled as she clicked on the video, her eyes reddened, tears dripped all over her face, and a suppressed whimper escaped her throat.
I have never seen him in such a sorry state, and now that I have seen it, I don't feel much pain in my heart, and it is hard to grip.
What's the use of his regrets and hard feelings?
