I thought I had encountered a beautiful love, but I never thought it would become an unforgettable regret.
We were so in love. When we were together, I could feel his sincerity. Every look he gave me was filled with deep affection.
But I still don't know why he left me.
It was a cold day, and it was raining. Colder than the weather was his expression.
He didn't say anything, only the disappointment in his eyes, like a sharp blade, cut through my heart.
It still hurts to think about it.
1
At that time, I was studying abroad.
When I returned home for the winter vacation, I found out I was pregnant.
When I didn't know how to deal with the arrival of this child, God played a huge joke on me – my family went bankrupt, and we were heavily in debt!
When the news reached my mother and me, I felt like the sky had fallen.
My mother sat on the sofa and cried for a long time, cursing my father non-stop. I can't remember what she said.
I only remember that they dismissed all the servants in the house, mortgaged the house, and even after scraping together everything they could, they still owed a large sum of money.
We moved to a shabby rental house. The furniture here was incomplete, the toilet was smelly, and there were often cockroaches. My mother was scared to death, she was in tears all day long, and later died of depression.
A year later, I gave birth to Xiaoyuan.
That year, my father was running around, his hair was already gray.
He sat in the ward, looked at my newborn son, hesitated to speak, and finally didn't ask anything. He just left some money and went on his way again.
In those years, I don't know how I survived. Every time I remember it, it was only bitterness and hardship.
Fortunately, there's always a way out. When I was in the most difficult time, there was Jianghai to help us.
2
Jianghai is my former neighbor, half a year older than me. We have been going to school together since kindergarten.
It's just that his mother and my mother have always been at odds. His mother didn't allow him to come to our house, so many times, he could only help us secretly.
I'm very grateful for that.
I understand his feelings for me, and he has said that he doesn't mind that I have a child, but I still can't respond to his feelings, especially after having Xiaoyuan, I know better the path I want to take.
For nearly five years, Xiaoyuan went to kindergarten, and our family's debts were finally coming to an end.
Every time I saw my father come home, fall asleep before finishing his meal, I felt sorry for him and wiped away my tears secretly, woke him up, and persuaded him to go to sleep. He opened his eyes and asked if our family had enough money.
"Dad, our family's debts are almost paid off. You should take a good rest during this time. I recently found a new job with a good salary. I believe it won't be long before we can pay back all the money."
My father was silent when he heard the words, I don't know what he was thinking. He never stopped, as if the busyness of these years had become his habit.
3
My new job was as a clerk in a company near the kindergarten, which was also convenient for picking up and dropping off my son.
The colleagues in the company were very kind to me, except for Guo Yin, the manager of the marketing department. I don't know where I offended him, he always liked to make things difficult for me.
This day, the supervisor asked me to pour water for the company's clients.
The atmosphere was serious in the large conference room.
I walked every step very carefully, for fear of spilling the water in my hand.
As I approached the client, a leg stretched out. I couldn't dodge in time and fell out. The water in my hand was all spilled on the client.
"What's going on?"
The general manager immediately jumped into a rage, blaming me for the mistakes I made and offending his distinguished client.
And when I looked up and tried to say sorry to the client, the client's face made me stunned.
I didn't expect that after five years, I would meet him again on such an occasion, in such an embarrassing situation, the father of my child, Duan Nai.
He noticed me too, and at that moment, the expression on his face changed from surprise to slowly narrowed eyes.
The originally affectionate eyes had become so dark that people couldn't see clearly or figure it out.
My heart spasmed for a few seconds, the pain made my fingers tremble slightly.
Avoiding his gaze, I lowered my head, and under the general manager's anger, I picked up the water glass in a panic and hurried away from the scene.
I think I'm going to lose this job.
Just as I was hiding in the staff locker room, looking at the traffic coming and going downstairs outside the window, waiting for the general manager's decision on me, Duan Nai walked out of our company building.
My eyes stared at him involuntarily, my heart beating fast.
Seeing that he didn't seem to have changed much over the years, he was still so young and handsome, and he seemed to have become more mature.
A sour taste hit my nose, and the tears in my eyes were about to fall, but I forced them back.
Before I could reminisce for too long, I saw him walk towards a car on the side of the road, and a woman got out of the car.
The woman looked young and intellectual, and she was a perfect match for him.
It was as if I had been hit by an arrow, and I watched blankly as the woman straightened his collar, the two of them talked and laughed, and got into the car together.
I suddenly felt unable to breathe, my whole body stiff and unable to move.
Is he married?
Is that woman his wife or his girlfriend?
Countless thoughts swirled in my mind, I felt like I was going crazy.
By the time I came to my senses, my face was wet with tears.
4
The teacher at the kindergarten called and told me that it was time to leave school and asked me to pick up the child as soon as possible.
Only then did I realize that I had missed the time to pick up my child from school.
Hurriedly rushed to the kindergarten and saw Xiaoyuan's face that looked exactly like his father's, the heartache hit me again.
"Mommy, what's wrong with you? Are you feeling unwell?"
The young child has become a little sensitive because he has been without a father since he was a child.
A frown from me can make him feel that something is wrong, not to mention my current face must be terrible.
Not wanting to worry the child, I shook my head, gently stroked the child's face, and smiled: "Mommy is fine, let's go home, grandpa will be home soon too, what dishes does our Xiaoyuan want to eat tonight?"
The child held my hand, no longer as lively as before, lowered his little head, as if he was thinking about something.
I asked him what was going on for a long time, and he told me that the children in the kindergarten were saying that he didn't have a father.
My heart skipped a beat, and the guilt made my eyes red again.
But I can't show my vulnerability in front of my children. I told him: "It's not that our Xiaoyuan doesn't have a father, it's just that Dad is temporarily away on a business trip to a faraway place, and he will be back soon."
Xiaoyuan didn't speak, he knew that Mommy was lying to him, he just didn't have a father.
But he couldn't say it to make Mommy sad. It was hard enough for Mommy to raise him alone.
5
The next day, when I sent my child to the kindergarten and passed the company where I worked as a clerk, I hesitated for a long time whether to go in or not.
I made such a big mistake yesterday, although I was framed, but it also made the general manager lose face in front of the client - Duan Nai. The general manager would not let me stay, right?
But the company has been slow to send me a message, informing me to go through the resignation procedures.
Did they forget, or was the matter not serious enough to fire me?
The phone rang suddenly, it was the company's personnel. I looked at the note on the phone, my heart was full of despair.
I answered the phone, decided to face the bleak ending that was coming, but the personnel told me to report to the president's office immediately.
I was stunned for a few seconds, a little confused, and hurriedly asked the personnel: "Why...why?"
"The notice from above, I don't know the specifics." The personnel might think I was talking too much, so they hung up the phone neatly.
I thought about a thousand reasons in my heart, and thought that maybe I embarrassed the general manager too much yesterday, and he was going to humiliate me today and let me go.
But I never thought that the client I thought I was was actually the new shareholder who bought our company.
In other words, Duan Nai, who was sitting in the president's office and looking at me standing in front of him, was the new owner of our company.
"Surprised?" Duan Nai asked me, the corner of his mouth seemed to hide a sneer that was unpredictable, like mockery, or disdain and contempt.
I thought about how we used to be so in love, about how he held me and whispered vows of life in my ear, about how his eyes were full of me...
Now, his attitude towards me is cold enough to shatter my heart into countless broken pieces.
My fingers felt weak, I didn't know whether to nod or shake my head.
"I thought you would be more reckless after you left me." Duan Nai snorted softly, as if he didn't expect me to be like this today.
Who would have thought?
