I know most of you don't really know what islanders are but I am one I was born and raised one. The culture and language is everything to me but sometimes the tradital things we have to do aka the girls we are known as the bottom one the not so important one while the boys get everything they get what we always wanted "attention from our love ones" I never once loved being an islander because of these rules us womens and girls has to follow I hate were we have to use skirts I hate doing chores I hate it when im right but I'm wrong because I'm a girl I can't do anyway wrong because I'm a girl I can't wear shorts I can't even live my life the way the boys do.
If you drink or smoke your a disappointment your a girl your not supposed to do that they say. Your supposed wake up do the chores and stay home while boys gets up from sleeping and just do nothing. Growing up I barley knew my culture because I was kid and I wasn't really loved in my family. We stay in a ranch where all our family's were all located at but now they all left because everyone didn't feel like family.
I thought of suicide because of how I was treated in my family I got raped and I got blamed saying it's my fault of all the people I justed wanted my mom to save me but just because I didn't tell my mom what happen she turn on me saying I don't trust you no more how can I even look at you those words really hurt cause it was coming from my mom and I thought to myself ah how is my fault I got raped I guess because I'm a girl it's always my fault. I even once said I want to be a boy because of what my culture is like. I'm a girl who justed a normal life and a normal happy family. I grew up with people hating me and no love from anyone except my mom and siblings.
Now that I'm that age where I know what's right or wrong I see it all on my family that they hate me and my siblings. I just want my mom to see what we see and it hurts that she won't listen to my sister and I. I cried at night saying please someone anyone help me I just need someone to get me out of here and make me leave already. I just want a fresh start without negative in my life that's all.
When I thought of suicide I told myself that you can't do this you have to help your mom and your siblings and I'm trying and I'm gonna show this family that I can do it I can go to the top where they can't reach me or talk about me. I'm gonna show them I can do it so I can show them that person you guys talked down on is on the top already ngl I just want my mom to be proud of me besides me being a bad kid to her but I'm trying no matter what imma make my dreams come true and help my mom and siblings to find a new place or life.
Here they would never hear you out or when you lash out your feelings they think your crazy but sometimes I wish they just understood us us girls that we are trying our best why can't you see that. I stop doing chores because these boys are no help they make mess and it's annoying and now they say there's no girls in this place because of what we are doing lmaoo I'm tried I really am I just want my cousin that I would talk to about how I feel how I hate being here and how I just want to die he helped me realized that I still have things to live for that there's alot of things out there waiting me yk yolo you only live onces.
I sometimes wonder what's it feels like to be someone else and yeahh I'm poor but I'm rich yk why because without these pains I wouldn't be here without these people and without God I wouldn't be here and I am rich because of God he who made me who I am right now I know that it doesn't mean that because rich will rich is a word and to me rich means is that you get what you want but sometimes you won't. Just because your an adult or a teen don't mean that you can do whatever want you need to think and stay safe because one day everything will be different.
These are just my feelings and yet I'm still typing my feelings instead of telling someone about it..
