Godddd........ it's sooo suffocating, sometimes I can breathe and sometimes I can't catch my breathe like if I stop for a sec I will never breathe again.... i am overreacting right... Haha yeah, maybe I am...... but it's terrifying, few nights (few weeks) back at night I was trying soo hard to sleep but i couldn't, i felt a heaviness in my chest like a huge rock was kept on my chest, i told my bestie.... i did felt better b-but only for sometime. I went through a lot of struggle to get peace of mind that night. I-i know there are people who are facing worst... But. But it's my life and in my life i-i and facing in which I feel helpless, i can't help but just just escape to my subconscious mind where I create those personalities and create a human, to console me a lot of people do .... but my life is not theirs it's a Lil diff. For sure and... And... I create those things I carve for .
.. which i can't find in reality..... It's weird..... So much, maybe I am watching too much stories and and insta and sad movies or drama or something but
.... it feels like I am useless, lately i-i started to think soo much negative things like ... Like I am not good at anything, not in writing, not in reading not in drawing, not in cooking and studies ... Haha studies are worst... I feel sooo hopeless......But this all doesn't mean I am thinking about killing myself NO NO NO, i ... I am afraid to get hurt and... I love my life... Soo much i-i can't just harm myself for this negative thoughts ...... right ? It's a pathetic death ! I never ever wish for that ! Even in the last moments I want a happy smiling death ! Soo NO NO NO NO NO TO.... negative thoughts? Hff i can't help it.... i want to escape.... into my world where i get what i couldn't find in reality...... i want to escape into those thoughts where I and hugging someone without any tention of being or making them awkward. I want to escape where I can be a queen or princess , where I am smart and... And helping and and falling in lov and pretty.....i want to escape to the world where i get ..... A tension free time, no exams no eco, no maths, no strict teacher who have eyes of judgement, where i get friends to live in, where i get a big brother, where family doesn't give a shit about dress where I am comfortable with being myself where I can rise my hand and say YOU ARE WRONG! I AM ME , I CONTROL MY LIFE,. I just want to escape from this judgemental, competitive society where kind hearts are not valued where people make fun of WOMEN☕ AND MEN☕, where being ourselves is a sin, where People love to hold us back and say "you are useless" Where a piece of paper will tell your personality, where schools are prison and students are dogs ...... i want to escape from here forever...? Or maybe until this all will be clear ?..... Maybe... I am just overthinking again, maybe I should stop reacting like this... Maybe i should just continue to smile and forget about my escape... Maybe i should just stay silent like always.... Maybe....? Should I escape ? Can I escape ?...... i know the answer still,.... I WANT TO ESCAPE
