I was used to be something but now I'm nothing I always keeps asking to myself how did it come to this? But now I realize that all of this happened because I just let the time passed without doing anything at all.
I realized that I can't do anything without other people, without others I'm just nothing but an empty void and a weakling that unable to do anything.
You ask if I have dreams? I don't have any, in the past I have but it's either that I don't remember what is it or I lost interest in it as the time passed.
Bewildered of the realization that my life is nothing I decided to leave my safe zone and go somewhere else I was thinking that achieving freedom is one of the ways to find whatever I want to do in my life.
But what I found outside is not answer but despair and more questions if my existence has any meaning at all, out of fear I come back to my comfort zone but I still feel the despair and loneliness.
I try many things I don't care about the answer to my existence anymore I just want to feel alive again because ever since I feel the despair of the outside world the loneliness that I feel never disperse in fact it's just getting stronger every day that passes by, every day that I wasted.
The loneliness is suffocating I want it all to end, I want to rest permanently but whenever I try to end everything my survival instincts are kicking in and because of that I still keep going to this life of nothingness.
I try writing a story I remember that I'm passionate about it when I still have something but I feel empty to every words I write, so many stories that I didn't give an end, so many wasted time.
But I still keep going because I'm so desperate to become something and despite the emptiness I can still a little bit of passion it seems that in terms of writing a story there's still something left in there.
Until now I still feel empty, I'm still nothing, the voices in my head keep screaming that I must end everything but I still keep going for what reasons even I can't explain.
But I'm still writing a story if my story felt meaningless and empty don't be shocked it's what I feel, a feeling of absolutely nothing.
If I keep writing a story will I become something or I stay as nothing?
Here's hoping that I'm still holding to life if that something appears in front of me one day, I really hope so.
