"Hope you love loosing yourself to your imagination" 🖤
It was an hour into our date, she was perfect , but I still wondered, so I asked her, “ Why do u always wear a ribbon around your neck”, the reaction which followed after that was rather oblique rather than being shocked, you could feel the intensity in her movements, I could have sworn that she shifted characteristics, but what can I say, it was our first date, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her and that was obvious, she was nothing short of perfection right from her toes to the last tip of her hair, and of course she had to round it all together with her perfect posture, grace and poise. Perfection in human form you might add.
But…., as soon as I brought up the ribbon matter the sudden hostility about her caught my attention , you could tell that she was making everything seem the same when it wasn’t, she started shuffling around and her hand movements made it clear that the ribbon wasn’t something that she enjoyed having, it seemed more like she was hiding something underneath, or maybe its something she fabricated as her style choice when in fact it wasn’t, I mean the possibilities were endless but not knowing what the honest truth was had me in chains, I felt trapped, my perspective of her was on the line, I guess she could feel my sudden interest towards her fashion sense and maybe she felt that it wasn’t something I should be interested in, maybe it wasn’t my business, but she never answered that question.
We were in the middle of our meal then, and the next thing I heard was her asking for the waiter to provide her with the cheque, I was astonished at first but when I tried asking her what the matter was, all she did was give me a look, it was the most demeaning look I had ever seen, I had never witness such anger and disgust in a women eyes then the one she gave me. You could actually see the kind of anger she bottled inside, and by the looks of it she had a lot inside there, but I couldn’t help but wonder how a total stranger could make a woman pissed off in a matter of seconds, what if something else was on her mind, what if she had already been angry before entering the restaurant, but then again you can never tell with a woman, most harmless matters seem to make them the most interested.
As determined as I was I asked her again, “ what’s wrong, talk to me” , and she said everything is fine, apparently there wasn’t a problem with her, she was very calm, but well the eyes are the windows to the soul, and her soul wasn’t at all happy at that time, then she said, “ can I tell you a story? “ and as sure as I was agreed to her request, I quickly told the waiter to take the cheque away, that little smile which she made was interesting it was as if she knew what I was getting myself into.
She looked at me with a little warning sign, ‘ if you know what I mean’
Then she started grinning at me, peculiar you might think but trust me a few minutes into the story she told made it clear why that particular grin entered her faced. The fact that she never truly introduced herself to me was the first thing which should have been a warning sign, but hey you can never know. Then she continued, “ now listen with your heart not with your ears” is what she said. I struggled for a whole hour, after listening to what she said I think my perception changed for some sort, she found comfort in the most weirdest of stories, then she went on,……..
She said, “Now imagine yourself in a room full of flowers, pink, beautiful, soft and rather I say silk lilies. It’s an exquisite site isn’t it? Now try to think about how those beautiful flowers slowly turning black all of a sudden, and their almost heavenly smell completely switching towards this disgusting stench. As you get your head off the floor,….
You know the best things about grave yards is the kind of flowers which bloom on top of them, much too beautiful not to notice isn’t it”. She gave me a little laugh while staring right into my eyes. She had this urgent-ness about her, more like she was trying to reach somewhere before her time was over. When the waiter came with the cheque she of course grabbed it so tightly that I was afraid to offer paying it.
When she was all sorted out and ready to leave the restaurant, just after she had just stood up I said, “what happened to the beautiful flowers?”, with a chuckle she smiled at me and said, “ the flowers will always be, they just need to find a place that’s all.” I tried to ask about her name, she was more reserved about her life than I would have imagined, she still never gave me a definite answer, all she did was smile at and then tucked her hand into mine in order for us to walk out together, I obliged of course.
As we walked through the town, with its simplicity, we came across a church, it was as white as snow, with its exquisite kind of flair, mostly peculiar for a church to be, but it was non the less, While looking at the church she smiled and said, “ not everything is as it seems you know, nobody ever listens to every perspective, it’s a pity how humans always perceive things, too tangled up in their own emotions to truly understand the circumstances of everything. Such poorly made species.” She was starting to scare me at this point, it sounded like she was trying to presume herself as something other than what she looked like.
As we were getting closer to the towns graveyard, she started talking about what real homes are like, as if we were getting closer to her residence, and when we were completely Infront of the grave site, she said, “ you know death is the one absolute certainty for every living species, the whole cycle seems meaningless when death comes knocking, I don’t know why people fear it, its not like there is even the slightest chance of surviving it. Truly idiotic behaviour I might say.” She then looked at me and asked, “ What do you think it will be like when u finally let go of this fisard of life?”
I was scared so much so that all I really remember was waking up in a room full of beautiful, pink, soft, silk lilies,……..
‘Some painful memories don’t disappear with time. We just give ourselves enough time to accept that our hearts have been shattered with no chance of being fixed. The idea of forgetting our heartaches makes it all worth while, when night falls, the darkness in our hearts comes back to haunt us. Loss of every kind always leave its own trace at the end, the hole which each scar carries depends on our hearts reasoning. Its never easy to let go.’
I stared at the recently unbearable room I was in, I could feel myself loosing energy by the second, my body wasn’t able to get up from the floor, I had never been so terrified in my whole existence, this reality seemed too dark for me, I had been in more familiar situations recently, my life was a little too lonely and bizarre for months now.
“The best thing about living in the past is that you know what’s going to happen next, there aren’t any surprises, no sudden mishaps, and of course the occasional heartbreaks, you cant go through that knowing well what will happen. I don’t think anything in the world will ever be able to replace memories.
Of course living in the present is an inevitability, something we cant help but do in any case, but dreaming never killed anyone, hope keeps us going, the hope of maybe getting back our most treasured memories keeps us going, but fate takes charge no matter what, humanity is mostly domed in this case.”
I heard a little voice whisper these words to me in the distance, it then continued and said, “ you humans are a kind of inconvenience to all species, I still don’t think your kind was even suppose to be alive, but I guess I cant choose which species to live, so we have had to coexist instead. you know my mother never really understood my mindscape, its pretty hard to understand a person you don’t know anyway. She was a busy woman, pretty too, who am I kidding she was Gorgeous, one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met, yet she didn’t know it. She had this tendency of undermining herself, her self confidence made me sick, but yeah she was my mom so I had to live with that.
And I did, for a while, but I got tired of it too easily, pushed her, dragged her until she saw what I could see, but I guess she wasn’t cut up for the beauty she was blessed with, pity really, she could have done a lot with it.
This was her room, the master bedroom, the cleanest room in the whole house, she was very fussy about keeping things clean, I guess I took that from her. Now back to you Charles, what do you want me to do with you?”
I tried my best to make out where the voice might have been coming from, but the darkness of the room made it hard for me to pinpoint the voices actual position. She then asked me again what I had in mind for myself, I, of course I said that I wanted to go back home, as furious as she was she gave me a little laugh and said, “HOME, do you even know what that place really means?”, with all the determination in the world I said, “ Yes!!, yes, of course I know, please, I need to get back home”.
She looked at me and simply said, “ what is ‘home’, a place, time, or feeling?, if you answer this question of mine correctly I’ll let you go. Remember that this is your only chance.” As much as I wanted to rashly answer her question, my mind kept racing about, thinking of what the exact answer was, and there wasn’t a right answer for this. And after a couple of minutes of contemplation, I just looked down and said, “ home is a place in time which gives you feelings that make it worth while, there isn’t a definite place, nor time for it to last forever, but the feelings which make it a home don’t fade, they just find a different location to inhabit.”
I was sure of my answer being definite that her silence made me envision myself escaping the place which I was at. She then said, “ Do you want me to continue with the story I told you before?” I interrupted her of course, and shouted out the fact that I want to leave this place, I told her that I had answered her riddle already, she should’ve let me leave in peace.
I guess I had bitten off more than what I could chew, she said, “ your mind is a prison on its own, you have a tendency of overthinking what there is no need too, and in turn you underthink what really needs your attention. I asked what a home is didn’t I, then why did you try to state it in a manner which you yourself cant comprehend, what was the need for that?
You didn’t crack my riddle, instead you made it even harder for yourself. I guess my question was a little too easy for you, you couldn’t answer it with the right words, ok then, lets make it a little harder for you, what do you think happened to the person who was in this room I had described, answer this question and we’ll take care of you getting out of this place.”
And of course, I couldn’t answer that question correctly, it seemed as though she wanted me to keep answering weird questions which I couldn’t even comprehend to begin with let alone cracking their riddles. There circles she kept making around me seemed to get broader by each question she asks. As much as I begged for her to spear me, she didn’t heed to any of my demands.
She then told said something very harsh, she said, “ you know everyone tends to have the same mindset, we always try to give our sins reasons, as in when you hurt someone, there is always another person involved somehow even though that person wasn’t actually present during the deed, how can your pain be the reason to cause another person pain, that’s all greed, a fault which every human being has, since the beginning of time. Let me explain it this way, I’m sure you’ve had your own share of dating, now have you ever asked yourself why exactly those relationships never lasted, or why they never ever have a happy ending, not a single person has ever been able to be honest with themselves from the start. You can never really be happy, when your heart knows of your ulterior motives, as much as you fight to give yourself reasoning for breaking a person, its never enough, its not your place to do so. And of course, you are all too stubborn to listen. The cycle goes on and on from there, with no end, direction or reasoning, just being there”.
There was total silence for a few minutes, until the room started to manifest into a dark forest, the trees had no leaves, more so that you would believe spring had arrived, the trees had lost their touch, giving vibes of total death, each branch looked more pitiful than the last. With the ground having lost its green grass, replaced with sand as how any desert would have, still dark in colour of course, everything looked gloomier than the room itself. She appeared from the mist, as attractive as she was in the restaurant, with her eyes even more beautiful in this sight, a table and two chairs appeared behind her, it was completely empty, more like it had been abandoned. I helped myself towards the table of course, as she humoured me and gave me her company as well.
She then said, “let me tell you a short tale, …There was once a girl, she had beautiful, long brunet hair, her smile would illuminate its gorgeousness all over, with eyes which twinkled each time she would wink, a face as pale as a peach which is on its way between being just perfect and completely ripped. She was as beautiful as she was naïve, her nature never really made sense to her family especially to her mom, ‘ too perfect’ were the words her mother would describe her as. Living with two sisters and two brothers, she had to make her presence felt daily, as she feared the chance of her being over-shadowed by their achievements as she was the youngest from the group, still she smiled, as much as she died inside every time her siblings were favoured over her, she smiled.
Her parents had a hobby which they did together every Thursday, each evening was couples night, and as any married couple, they would enjoy some time together enjoying each others company, but not everything was as it seemed, not every couple enjoys causing pain to people, they had a kind of pleasure which they would fulfill by inflicting pain on others, it was never really fully explained, but they had a different kind of relationship, not one at which they would show their affections towards each other by being in close range, in fact they only ever really spent time together on Thursday nights. And for the first time ever they agreed to bring their kids along.
This of course was because it was her birthday, she was turning 16 years that day, bringing the kids to the forest for a picnic was perfect, weirdly though they had chosen to bring the kids there at night. A midnight picnic. The little girls life changed that night, she met herself for the first time, her family accepted her for the first time, the darkness of the forest suddenly wasn’t dark enough for her that night. Her bloody hands had an even bigger hunger for the darkness. The beautiful brunette little princess disappeared at the strike of midnight, and a new girl was born.
Now, what do you think happened that night?”. She asked me, looking straight at my eye balls with no intent of blinking, I couldn’t think of any answer which would be appropriate at the moment, all I could do was watch her, feeling scared of every movement which she made. I then went on and asked her, “ what did her parents love to do, what was the hobby that they enjoyed together? “ . I guess my question came as a joke to her as she quickly laughed herself into a pool of tears.
After a while of complete silence she said, “ Do you know what makes all confrontations messy?, ..
I was once asked this question myself, of course I never knew the answer, she asked me if I knew what the actual similarity was before she took her last breath. She was still as beautiful as she was the first time I met her. We meet on the most beautiful day ever possible, the weather was perfect as well, gorgeously balanced, I had taken the opportunity to see the famous flower garden in this town. You might not know this but there was once a very beautiful flower garden here, it had the most exotic kind of beauty possible, all the flowers had the chance of blooming beautifully and what a sight it was right before spring. We met right at the middle of the garden she was wearing a beautiful peach coloured dress, it was fairly long and gave her room to breath, she had a big white hat on, it blocked the harsh rays of the sun quite perfectly.
Her face was completely covered by the hat, she sat really comfortably on the chair which she had placed right next to the table in front of her, she was holding a book on her left hand, it seemed to be a very interesting kind with fictitious characters as well, you could tell by the way she was paying careful attention to it. As I got closer to her, staring at the exquisite site before me, she slowly started lifting her head, with her eyes still starring at the book on her, she asked who it was that had the guts to disturb her peace, then she gently started lifting her eyes from the book, and smiled at me. Her face was beautiful, with peachy smooth cheeks, Rosey red lips, ones which made her smile even more unbelievable.
She took steps towards me with such poise and grace as to keep me captivated at every turn, I had never seen such a mesmerizing creature before. She stopped at approximately one foot away from me, good enough for us to keep our personal space intact, and close enough to glare at me to keep my focus on her as well. She looked at me with her beautiful yet silent eyes, more so that it seemed as though she knew who I was and wasn’t going to try getting acquainted to me in return, she asked me to sit down then gave me a book to read. It was both cold and very heart-warming kind of welcome from a total stranger.
She spent the whole afternoon reading silently, smiling every few minutes, flicking her hair now and then, she then told mw that our next meeting won’t be as sweet and welcoming as this one, and stealthily stood up and walk away, without even a simple goodbye. Even watching her walk away seemed too beautiful as a fact that I forgot to stop her or even ask for her name or any form of identification. She disappeared in the garden, I was alone once more, the beautiful moments I had spent with her had come to an end a little earlier than I had thought, even her elegant walk disappeared amidst the flowers. Four weeks after meeting her, we met yet again. Our second meeting reminded me of a poem I had read in the book she gave me, the poem read, ..
You & I
As every story once told,
They lived happily ever after,
The curtains close after the show.
A silent kind of love, the kind which pities your tears more,
the kind which causes a heartbreak with no ties.
Growing with its roots hidden at bay,
as each moment your smile glows,
giving beauty another meaning all together.
A love which blocks every intended sword,
Watching from a distant,
Close enough to shield every uninvited guest,
As the climax shortens the chances of this love to subside,
still, love blossoms on each pine tree,
high enough for no predator to destroy,
close enough for your heart to feel warmth.
A kind of love which novelist dream of,
Slowly breaking the tides of any psyche.
A love to last a lifetime,
yet too beautiful to allow for eternity to get a hold off.
it was weird, I don’t remember much about the books we were both reading but this poem never left my mind, it had never occurred to me that I might had read a poetry book rather than an actual novel. But still she was beautiful, even with the circumstances on which we saw each other, she was still the beautiful woman I met in the garden. The pool of blood she was drenched on reminded me of the colour of her lips, as the redness once captivated me. Her white dress stained with the blood of her victims, she had rears in her eyes, even with such a pitiful look she had, her hands looked more guilty with the proof of her act. I then said hello to her, she slowly tilted her head and looked at me, her once innocent beautiful smile changed for a malicious grin, she then asked me why I had come to the forest so late at night, all I could say was that I needed some air, she then smiled and said, “ I knew you were the weird type, no person sits with me just to read books for so long”. I smiled back of course, she then told me to give her a few hours to handle something. I walked away that night, it was the last time I saw her looking as beautiful as she was”. It was my first time listening to a story with no choice of ignoring it, she had been stearing at me the whole time, it started to look like she was trying to give a heads up about what this forest is all about.
I then asked her what happened to the beautiful girl, she looked at me and said, “ she’s okay, she’s been waiting for you in the garden as well, too bad you arrived here when the scenery has changed so much. You remember asking me what the ribbon on my neck is for, this is from the girl I met in the garden, it’s a gift she sent me before I lost myself as well. Remember that not all stories have happy endings, I might see you soon as well”.
I watched as the forest started shifting again, the darkness started to disappear, the once lifeless trees looked more beautiful as any living creature could ever be, she also disappeared with the gloomy night, her presence left a book on the table, it was a beautifully coloured red book, it looked new, more so that it seemed that it was a present for me, the book had a white ribbon over it, the length looked the same as the length which the ribbon the woman had on her had.
‘ Not all phenomenon’s can be explained, not all stories have a happy ending’.
The end
