“Can I get anything more for you, Sir?”, interrupted the waiter.

I was awoken from my trance by his sudden intrusion. “No, thank you”, I replied politely. “Bring the bill, will you, please?” The waiter nodded and left hurriedly.

I glanced at my watch. Half past nine, the glowing digits showed. I smiled as I looked at it. It wasn’t just another watch, for it held with it, memories worth living for. It was the last gift from Sentina.

The glow still reminded me of her. Her eyes, so beautiful they were that I could stare at them for hours, bewitched by her charm, and listen to her soft rosy lips singing out the sermons of love. Her hair was long and so smooth, so thick, that I could hide myself under them as she would kiss me. She had a body, that, as an artist would describe, was perfect – not an inch to add, not an inch to remove anywhere. Yes, she was beautiful, very beautiful. Maybe the world would like to differ on that point. Not that it matters.

‘Mosses’ wasn’t imperfect just because the audience criticised it. It was perfect just the way Michelangelo had carved it out of a rock.

Sentina was my best friend, in school, and girlfriend after that. We had chosen to live our life together, forever, for our paths were intertwined. In spite of our differences, we had so much in common. Or maybe we just loved whatever the other did.

Respect… Appreciation… Understanding… important terms in a relationship, after all!

She was a news reporter at The India Times. I knew she was just perfect for the job. I hardly ever worried about her when she was in field. Oh! how much I loved to see her on the television. Better than any Munni or Sheila! Her sense of dressing was awesome. She could look gorgeous even in a simple tee and jeans! In my opinion, and that of her viewers, of course she was the best!

It was actually very funny how we first met. It was a bright sunny day, when the Sports teacher had declared that we all had to choose a sport of our choice and practice for the Annual Sports at school. Being more involved in studies and other co-curricular activities, I did have neither the time, nor the interest to indulge myself into sports like football or cricket.

Having played a few times with the boys in my locality, I knew very well that those games won’t be a very good choice for me. So, when I came to know about badminton, I chose it without any hesitation. As, fate would have it, she was chosen as my opponent or partner in the game. I had very little idea about the game myself, and even lesser about how well she would play it! I was just well prepared for all sorts of embarrassment. But as we began, there was hardly a shot she would throw at me! Either it went too far behind or would get caught in the nets. I was just tired, picking up the shuttle cock from here and there, while she would just laugh away every shot! Twenty minutes had passed and I was too tired to play any more. But how could I resign suddenly?

But I seemed to be quite in luck, when after a few more minutes, she came up to me with the cock in hand and whispered slowly to into my ears, “Hey! I don’t think I can run any more with that stupid racket in hand… Come on, let’s rest under the shade for a while…”

Though I was the one, actually running with the racket, looking like a stupid, but I just smiled and accompanied her. That was the moment of my crush!

Her voice still lingers in my ears.

And she talked away the rest of the period, till the bell rang for us to leave the grounds. I never thought she would have noticed me in class, but to my utter surprise, she could tell all the stupid questions I had ever answered in class. The best part was that once the English teacher had asked her to refer to my notes for a poetry lesson. And she just felt too awkward too approach me! Well, after that, I made it a point to help her with her notes, as she often bunked classes. And it gave me some time to spend with her too. She also said how much she loved to dance, and thought about making a career out of it. We chatted away the rest of the time. That was one of my best afternoons in school!

The Gods, wherever they are, can never let a happy man rest in peace or a depressed man be happy. Guess, my happy life was too much for them to bear that they sent in the catastrophe to ease things a bit. Even today when I think of that evening, I feel I am the one to blame for what happened.

It was the evening of November 26, 2008. I had to leave for some urgent work in Chennai. She was all alone at the Mumbai residence. She had begged to come along with me, but given the work environment, I insisted she should rather stay home and take a day off from work. In the evening, I had called her. We talked so much, she seemed a bit sad, but I couldn’t understand why. We talked about all those past times, the good times we had had together. She even brought up the matter of getting married soon. I thought the sudden loneliness was getting to her, so I had told her to visit some cafe, or see some friends.

When I returned from work that night and switched on the television, I was shocked to death to hear about the terrorist attacks on the Mumbai city. I wasted no time in calling Sentina up, but I couldn’t reach her phone. I had tried a few friends, but none could help. Horrified, I took the next flight back to Mumbai. That night, the situation was too tough to get any help, and I had spent the entire night beside the television set and my cellphone, ringing her every other minute. She was still missing.

I don’t remember when I had fallen asleep. The next morning, I had heard about the arrests made. I made my way to the local police station to file a missing FIR. As, I walked back through the streets, I could smell the horror and sorrow in the air. Everything seemed so dead. One evening had changed everything!

That evening I got a call from the police station. I was terrified, because I knew the bleak prospects of expecting a good news. I was prepared to face my worst fears. They had taken me to the morgue. My lips had turned white with fear. As the warden opened the drawer, I could see her face… Yes, it was unmistakable. She looked even more beautiful, with that calm sheath of serenity on face. Her lips were frozen to blue. I kept staring at her body. She was so full of life when I left. Now, she lay there – lifeless…

Had it not been for the warden, I too might have taken my last breath in there, such was the pain I felt shooting right through my heart to all parts of my body. I felt numb. Maybe I even had reached the transition between life and death. But God wouldn’t let me die then, would he? He had just taken away from me, the one thing I cared about the most. Death would have been too easy a thing for me then. But God wanted me to live with it, and die every moment of the rest of my life.

The warden was kind enough to offer me some tea, as he walked me outside the gates. He could see the pain right through my eyes. He had asked, “Who was she?”

“My wife…”, I had replied, as tears rolled down my eyes, and froze midway down the cheeks.

She wanted to be my wife. Yes, I had made her mine, if not in life, but, in death.

The residues of the coffee in my cup had almost dried by now. Some astrologers, I had heard could read fate by looking into someone’s empty cup. Sure they wouldn’t see Sentina in there!

The waiter returned with the bill. It has been a long time, an year, to be exact, since I came to this cafe after Sentina left. As I drew out my wallet to pay for the coffee and the snacks, I asked the boy, “Can I occupy this table for some more time? Its just that…”

The waiter interrupted, “Sure, Sir. You used to be one of our regular customers once. I know how things have changed now. I am sorry for your loss, Sir. You can sit here as long as you wish…”

With a smile I paid him off. “Keep the change”, I added.

However, with some hesitation, I stopped him to ask a question.

“Who is that lady on that table no. twenty-one? I think I have seen her before.”

He didn’t seem surprised at all. Instead, with a smile, he replied, “Sorry, but I haven’t. I’m sure this is her first time at our place…” Having said so, he left.

But I hadn’t just seen her before. The first time I had ever met her was at the railway station. I had been patiently waiting in the restroom, for a friend of mine, who was coming to the city for the first time. He was one of the oldest classmates of mine. Suddenly, a lady had appeared in the room, carrying something, bigger than a purse, but smaller than a bag, and a piece of paper in hand. From her looks, anyone could have guessed that the situation she was in, wasn’t very pleasant.

Her hair was spread all over her face. The wind couldn’t have blown any stronger, I thought. There were splashes of mud on the lower bottom of her jeans, yet she had clean pedicured feet, decorated with a bright reddish hue of nail polish, which suggested that she belonged from a well-to-do family, and was aware of personal beauty and hygiene. She was of moderate height. Her face was sweet and was comparatively smaller than those thick black-framed glasses she wore! I could spot a few drops of sweat on her forehead. Her tee-shirt quote was the most interesting part. ‘I ain’t Interesting’ , it read.

I looked around to see who she was headed towards. There was an old man sitting in the opposite corner of the room, a bunch of guys in the other, chatting away the whole time about some holiday trip they had been planning. The rest of the room was empty. Oh! she was headed straight towards me.

“Excuse me! Do you have a pen?”

I was startled by her question. It reminded me of Sentina’s voice. How could someone have a voice so similar to hers! I wondered. I reached for my pocket and found one and handed it out to her. She grabbed it and hurried to the neighbouring table and started writing on the piece of paper she had brought with her. It was a requisition form, I had figured it out by then.

It is not in my usual habit to carry a pen wherever I went. And I hadn’t carried one either, that day when I left home. I had purchased this special pen, with a torch a torch at the rear end, from a vendor, just a few minutes back, outside the station. Quite a coincidence for a pen, it seemed!

The lady had finished filling out the form just in time before my arrived. Muttering a few words of gratefulness as she returned my pen, she closed the door behind her and walked towards the booking room.

Tonight, I noticed her the moment I had entered the cafe. She was with another girl, a friend perhaps, or a colleague. The lady, however, didn’t seem old enough to be into some kind of job. I was utterly amazed by her beauty tonight. I never thought her hair could look so beautiful, given their unkempt condition the first time I had seen her at the railway restroom.

After Sentina left, I had made it a point to keep my distance from ladies. It was just that I seemed to see her in every other face! And it brought with it, all the memories and pain with it. It was intolerable. And I needed to keep myself from being crazy and be thrown into some asylum. From where I was sitting, I could see a side of her face. And this time I wondered, why I didn’t see Sentina in her face! She was just as beautiful as Sentina was.

She finished her food soon, and left with her friend. Outside, I could see through the glass panes, they parted ways as her friend hired an auto-rickshaw to her place. The lady then walked off.

I gathered myself up from the chair, grabbed my jacket and prepared to leave. The waiter threw a smile and bid me goodnight as I walked out of the door in the cold December night.

The eleventh hour had just begun.

As, I walked towards my home, which was in the same direction as the lady had left, I expected that I would see her again. It was for sure that she wouldn’t recognise me, even if I went and introduced myself to her, but if could spot her apartment anyway, someday I might know where to look for when I needed a pen!

The air was very cold, making it difficult to breathe. The alleys were nearly deserted, except for the vagabonds and dogs, who had nowhere else to go. The fog had just started to thicken, and the moonlight could easily carve out shapes from it. Everything was dead calm.

As, I approached the park that lay on my way home, I could see her. Yes, it was her. The same figure, the same gait, the same dress. I could see her clearly in the moonlight. I never knew she lived in my neighbourhood! But where was she headed to? No, she wasn’t going towards the apartments. Instead she crossed the lane and headed straight towards the park!

It was the eleventh time that I have crossed paths with her.

After the railway station, I had met her again at the grocery stores, dosa plaza, the medical stores, the tea stall near my office, the city library, the bus terminus, Dussehera grounds, the bookstore and the Church.

A different place once, every month. Every time, it seemed as if some sort of coincidence had brought us together. And every time, she seemed to have no memory of any past interactions! And every time, I kept staring as she closed the door behind her back.

But not today. I brought out my hands from inside my jacket pockets and waved out towards her, as I yelled, “Hey! there… Where are you going? Just stop… We gotta talk!…”

But she didn’t stop. Instead she picked up her pace. Determined to stop her this time, I too crossed the lane and ran towards her in the fog inside the park. She was not much far. I called out again.

But she seemed to drift farther away. The fog seemed to engulf her from my view. I ran, faster. Yet she was still ahead of me. Finally, I couldn’t resist any further. I called out, “Sentina!….”

The name seemed to pierce through the fog-laden trees. But it worked! She finally stopped. I could make out her shape in the fog. But what happened next was the least expected.

The lady turned back her face and looked straight towards me. Alas! it wasn’t the lady any more. It was Sentina! I was struck with both terror and joy. As, I approached her, I said, “There is no need for you to be afraid. I just need to talk to you. And I wasn’t following you. I stay in the next block…”

I don’t know if it was of any help. But she stood there anyway. I went close to her and asked to accompany me to the bench nearby. I did not dare to look again in her face, till we went to the bench.

The bench was wooden, so it wasn’t very cold. As I sat, I stared at her face again. No, I was mistaken! This was the very lady from the railway station… and the cafe! She wasn’t Sentina!

Now she spoke. “Who are you? Why did you call me Sentina?”

“I wanted to speak to you, and that’s the name which first came to my mind!”, I replied. “I am Prafulla. Have you heard the name before?”

“No, not that I can remember… I don’t know why I stopped at that name! And your voice… it sounded so familiar!”

This was just the beginning of what I feared the most.

“What is you name anyway? And what do you do? Your face resembles a very close friend of mine… So, I felt like talking to you…” I continued.

“Selena… I work as a freelancer at The Chopra’s…”.

Well that explained why I saw her near my office.

“My face”, she continued, “was badly damaged in some accident. I was found by my friend, lying near that cafe. She took me home and looked after me. After prolonged treatment I could get up on my feet. The doctors had to change my facial skin, she says… and I don’t remember how I looked like before…”

My heart felt heavy and my eyes were filled with tears. I drew out my wallet and handed it to her.

“This is how you looked…”, I said with a broken voice.

She took the wallet from my hand and threw at close look at the picture. After a few moments, she broke the silence. “Er… Who is she? She looks quite like me!”

“This is my girlfriend…”, I managed to squeeze out these words out of my throat. “This is you before the accident… Sentina… that’s what your name was…”, There was an excitement in my voice as I spoke.

There was a moment of silence. I could hear the cold wind brush past my jacket.

“My friend says, I have no memory of my past. All that I can remember, is the evening of the accident, when I was talking on the phone and the next moment, everything was gone! I just don’t understand what to believe!”,

” …frankly speaking, I don’t remember you, but something inside me tells me to believe you. The last time I saw you, at the Church, I don’t know why, but I felt like talking to you. But, I didn’t know what to say…” She took a deep breath.

I had been listening to her patiently. It was like the good old days again, listening to her, while she would pour her heart out to me.

“Do you love chocolate pies?”, I asked.

“Yeah!… I do… love them…”, she sounded excited, “…seems like you really know me”.

“I love your watch, by the way…”, she added.

Her words almost made me laugh. “It was a gift… from Sentina. She loved it too.”, I replied with a smile.

My watch suddenly beeped. It was midnight.

The air had gone colder. We had been staring at each other for some time. I suddenly reached out my arm and slowly grabbed hers. She had gone cold. She didn’t seem to resist.

“Prafulla…”, she said softly.

I knew just what to do. “Sentina…”, I said. “Come to my apartment tonight. You will she for yourself, who you are, Selena or Sentina. I’ll show you who you are…”

Having said so, I got up from the bench. She seemed to follow me like a doll! But she didn’t say anything.

I could see her almost shivering in the cold moonlight. I took off my jacket, and wrapped it around her. She felt comfortable. I was feeling hot with joy and excitement. I could even feel my ears turning red hot!

None of us opened our mouths until we reached home. As I unlocked the front door, she entered and walked straight inside towards the bedroom. I didn’t stop her. It was her home, after all!

I came to my bedroom, and found her standing by the dressing table, staring at our photo.

“Was this… us?”, she said, suddenly being aware of my presence.

“Yes, it is… Sentina”, I said. “the last Dussehera we had attended together…”

“Make yourself comfortable. There are your clothes in the wardrobe. Take your pick. The bathroom is on the…”

“… on the left towards the kitchen”, she said, stopping me midway. “I just feel like I was never gone!”

“Of course you know your way around your own house. And you never left! I have kept everything just the way you had left. It never let me feel your absence. And I could live my days hoping you were just around… somewhere…”, I added.

I went to the kitchen and made some coffee for us. I didn’t want her to catch cold and fall ill on the very first night! We both changed into warm clothes, and talked about the good old days over the cup of coffee. She was perfect… just the way I had known her.

After some hesitation, she came into bed with me. As, I lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything that has happened lately, I couldn’t help but smile. I will never know the mystery of the girl I saw in the morgue… All I can hope is that Selena gets back her memory soon…

She had fallen asleep very soon, with her arm resting over my chest, just like good old days.

I was feeling sleepy too. I softly kissed her forehead and dimmed the night lamp. No one would ever know how much excited I was feeling.

I was going to sleep after so long, feeling happy and satisfied, after all!

It was almost eight years ago when I had left him a note saying goodbye. He had no clue that I was going away, far away. These eight years passed by quickly though. I moved to a new country and I was busy looking for a job, actually I was busy settling down. During these eight years he came to my mind many times almost every day. I tried to find him on facebook and was successful too but when I sent him a request, he declined. His response was pretty obvious.

I had never gone to India since the time I had moved out but after a long time I did. After all these years, for the first time in eight years I was going to visit my home town. Boarding was about to start, Mom and dad were having coffee and I was lost in my own thoughts, thinking about my town, its people, place where I had spent 32 years of my life and most of all I didn’t know why but I was thinking about him.

The first time I had seen him, he was standing in the park, talking to somebody over his cell phone. I kept staring at him for a moment. He was good looking, good built and a tall guy.

I passed by and commented, “Why people come to the parks if they don’t have to walk or something, they can talk over the phones at home.”

I smiled at myself and continued walking. I might have took almost ten steps further and he came by my side and said in his heavy but soothing voice, “You are right, I should do what this place is meant to do.”

I smiled again and he said, “So do you work as an Eye Opener in this park?”

We laughed and walked together for next ten minutes and he left after that.

Next morning I saw him again in the park, this time he waved me and started walking towards me. So when he came close to me I asked, “Where is the phone today?”

He laughed and said, “No phones in the park, I am taking you very seriously in my life.”

I laughed and we walked for about half hour and he left making sure that we meet next morning again.

He had recently moved in my town and worked as an Area Manager for some insurance company. His office was a five story building and mine was a small publication house adjacent to it. Our paths usually crossed many times a day and every time we saw each other we used to talk for at least ten minutes. After almost a week of those conversations in bits and pieces we progressed to one hour lunch breaks together. We were talking about anything and everything but we had surely come very close to each other and wouldn’t have at least our lunch without each other. I had forgotten all my friends and was losing contact with them because of him, he used to text me, call me or meet me whenever possible during the day. We didn’t realize when the meetings were converted into a relationship.

He had always loved my surprises and unpredictability. I would surprise him with one or the other thing every day. Sometimes I would call him and tell him to come outside his office building and order him to sit in my car and would drive him far. He used to laugh and call me a kidnapper. He always said that I act younger than my age; I was thirty two when we had met and he was twenty five, seven years younger to me and I felt like twenty when I was with him. I guess I was myself in his company. I have always had friends, rather, lots of friends but I had never given so much time to one person and he used to cherish every minute I spent with him. We were close, lost in each other. I used to leave notes in his room. I liked writing on a piece of paper than texting and he loved it. He knew how to pamper me, he never used to read those notes in my presence but read them to me over the phone at night.

“I am hung-over…….hung-over of you…..let me be in it till I’m……

People crib about winters, the cold winds and here I am…… feeling those winds feeling on my face, no matter how cold it is, I can feel the warmth of you…..still hung-over of the feel of you….

I ignore almost everything around me I want to be lost like a two months old…..in games of you…..just the feeling of you….ask myself if I am abnormal and my heart says even if I am, I like the passion, the involvement of my every nerve and my senses lost in you…..

It makes me delighted to be hung-over of you……

I try to focus in the real world but no matter what, you distract me so……I decide to live in the world you created for me and I’ll drink every sip of the thoughts revolved around you……

Yes I am hung-over and let me be in it till I am…………”

Time was flying, days were gone in seconds and we were more in love with each passing day. He would notice many things in me that I had never noticed before; he knew my behavior more than me. There was this day when I was with him at lunch like every other day, I was panicking on everything, he held my hand and asked, “Some guests coming over today?”

I was shocked and asked him, “How the hell you know, my parents don’t know you that well to call you and tell you about guests and stuff.”

He smiled his usual way and said, “They don’t need to call me, I know their daughter pretty well now, she won’t panic if she has to move to Italy in a day but she will panic if she has any small responsibility on her shoulders.”

With a warm touch on my face he said again, “She would kidnap a guy and take him wherever she wants but if she needs to arrange something at home, she will go crazy.”

I was laughing and surprised for how well he knew me and it was a fact. I would give and take surprises, would go beyond a certain point at times but as far as my daily life was concerned I was clumsy and an escapist. I would like to get away from situations where I had to plan something I didn’t wish to or if I had to make changes at home or make efforts to entertain guests, especially when they were not my friends. But that day he had said something seriously which haunts me even today, he had said,

“Don’t surprise me by leaving me one day, always remember I can accept you who you are but won’t be able to survive without you.”

I couldn’t say anything, knowing myself it was hard for me to plan future because basically I was carefree and planning future was the last thing on my chart. I wanted to live present, every minute of it without regrets of the past and without fear of the future.

In about next couple of days I received my passport with Canadian Permanent Resident Visa on it; it was an exciting moment for me, the day I was waiting for since past one year. It was my decision to move to Canada for good so I was happy and without a second thought I had started looking for tickets. I couldn’t sleep that night because I didn’t know how to inform him, he had no clue of my plans to leave the country and I was scared of his reaction. I knew that I would owe him a huge explanation and I’ll have to plan something for our future when he would get the news but as always I wasn’t ready for any commitment. I didn’t want to leave with sad memories; I was selfish and didn’t want any burden on me.

After thinking all night I had decided to inform him the next day but as I woke up next morning I received a text from him saying that he had to leave early morning because his father had a heart attack, it wasn’t serious but he wanted his son to be with him. He didn’t call me that morning because it was too early in the morning. So I had postponed my plan to inform him until he returns.

He called me after two days, it was for the first time in those six months that we didn’t talk to each other for two days and when he called he was sorry not to call me because he was busy taking care of his dad and supporting his mom. I didn’t want to inform him about my visa over the phone so I asked him when was he returning and he said he will stay at least for a week. I didn’t want to wait for a week to tell him because I had so much going on. Well, he was constantly in touch with me and after few days he told me that he will stay bit longer and he already told his parents about me and they want to meet me. That was the time when I panicked. I wasn’t ready and I was thinking how he could even do that, he knew me so well, I had so many other important decisions to make. I still didn’t say a thing to him, I kept thinking and I had made a decision, a decision that was about to change our lives, everything about us.

I received a text from him saying that he was returning in two days and the time I received the text I was packing. I was ready to leave in 24 hours. I didn’t want to tell him because that would lead to so many questions and explanations and I was in no mindset to go through all that, I had a block on my mind. Moreover my parents would have asked me questions if I had delayed my trip because they knew I was excited to move. It was so many things together that I thought it to be in best in everybody’s interest if I go, without saying a word or may be a writer inside me wanted a sad end of this story.

To be honest I was selfish and self centred. I had not even thought once what he would go through, I thought I will call him once I reach Canada and will explain everything and that way he won’t have any other option than to understand. I took him for granted. Eventually I left with a simple note in his room saying that I’ll call him after 46 hours or so. This is how I wanted to leave and I had left.

Now as I was on the plane with my parents going back to India, I was thinking if I was still immature even at the age of 32 or do I suffer from some psychological problem. Eight years, what was I expecting now? My flight in India landed at New Delhi Airport at around 12:25 and with the luggage and stuff we were out by 2:00. Coming back was amazing, from the moment I landed, I felt at home. We were super tired but were excited to reach home. We reached home in the evening and my friends were waiting to welcome us. It was wonderful, I felt great and we had nice Indian food and slept really early. I woke up pretty early next morning and got ready to go to the park. My heart was beating faster with every step I took towards the park. I was hoping to see him but didn’t want to see him at the same time.

I entered the park but all I could hear was my heart beat louder than any other sound around me. I moved little further and I couldn’t believe my eyes, he was there, much leaner than I had known him and he had glasses on, he was wearing a dull grey color track pants and a same color upper and he was talking on his cell phone. As far as I remembered him he had never liked dull colors. I gathered all my courage and as I walked past him, I said, “Old habits die hard.”

His attention got diverted and he moved his phone away from his ear and immediately grabbed my hand and with a very shocking look on his face he asked, “Is that you? Are you still alive?”

I couldn’t say a word; I was just looking at him and trying to think of a day or even a moment when he was not there on my mind in past eight years. Well all he said after that was welcome back and had left quietly just like a stranger. I could tell he didn’t want to see me or didn’t expect any answers from me but his one look in to my eyes and his touch suddenly made me realize that I wanted to explain it to him. I had realized that very moment that it wasn’t a story it was life and you can’t fool around people just to make a tragic ending.

I went to his office the same day. This time he wasn’t shocked to see me but he wasn’t excited either. He looked way mature than his age. I went in and he asked me to sit down. While I was sitting there, he was still busy doing some paper work, he was pretending not to pay attention but I could see inner him yelling at me and asking me one million questions. I got up from the chair after 15 minutes and told him to come with me for lunch.

Now he was mad, he said, “What the hell you think of yourself, you can leave people anytime you want, wherever you want and suddenly come back one day and tell them to behave normal.”

I could see the anger in his eyes, he continued, “It was my life too, we both were involved, you could have at least said something, I loved you, supported you and would have understood but you wanted to be Ms. Unpredictable so that you have a character to write about, so that you may prove it to people that you are different. You screwed my life, changed everything about it, I am not the same person any more, I can’t trust people, can’t love them anymore and the moment I read that note in my room and got the news from your office of you leaving for good I had a heart attack, my first heart attack at the age of twenty five. What did I deserve to do that? I don’t want any answers from you. Do me only one favor, don’t ever show me your face again and please don’t ever try to contact me. It took me few years to be in peace with me so leave me alone, I am used to living without you now and I am happy. It’s better to live without somebody so careless and irresponsible then to live with them and get hurt.”

I was stunned; I had never expected that, specially a heart attack because of me. Probably I never took it so seriously not even until now. I had nothing to say in my favor, all I could possible do at that time was leave and that’s what I did.

Every part of that conversation made me realize how wrong I was. I didn’t want him to suffer but intentionally or unintentionally I had saved me from every situation and put him in emotional and physical stress. Since I had come all the way to India, I wanted to get my act together this time and do something to make him feel better but he didn’t want to see me. I tried to contact him but he was seriously a totally different person now, he won’t care this time.

Well I didn’t want to give up that easy so I made a plan with his friends and with their help set up a date for me and him. So he came to one of our common friend’s party and when he saw me he waved me this time. I knew he was waving towards me but I looked back just to pretend that I thought he waved at somebody else, my intention was to see a smile on his face and I had won at least a small part.

He came to me and said, “So you tricked me again, why can’t you stop doing things that you always want?”

I held his hand and said, “Is there any chance you can forgive me?”

He didn’t say much, he was quieter than the way he used to be eight years ago. I had also noticed that he was only eating salads and stuff while in the party so I figured that he was on a healthy diet since his heart attack. He noticed me looking at his salad plate and said, “See you didn’t only snatched you away from me but you also took my tastes away.”

My eyes were wet now and I had got my answer. After about five minutes he spoke again,

“I was wrong about you, I wanted to capture a free bird, I had started planning life for you and me without thinking that you had never made plans, plans had always panicked you, probably that’s why you had left.”

I could have told him at that time that I loved him and all eight years I have been thinking about him but I somehow couldn’t say a thing. I could have named that relationship right there but again my internal fears of commitment and planned life overpowered my mind and I remained quiet. We spent that evening together and at the end all I could say was, “I don’t deserve your love, I had never deserved it. I hope you get somebody who loves you the way I love you but give you a better life and never escape from any situations.”

I hugged him and said, “This time I am not escaping, I am leaving you for a better life for someone better, and I wish I could hold onto you but I have some strange fears or maybe I am too weird to handle a relationship. And especially I don’t want us to live together and turn this relationship into stagnant, stale and boring relationship after few initial beautiful years. I want this relationship to hold onto all the good memories, memories of six beautiful months when we had met and memories of this most special evening of my life.”

After exactly a week of that evening me and my parents came back to Canada. About couple of months later I checked when my mail and I had a white envelope with my name and address on top of it, I opened it and it was a something written on a usual school notebook page:

“Here it is, it’s still somewhere here and it is ….not exactly love but something like love….

We changed, moved apart…..but still the old times we spent together send a chill in my spine…..

We don’t talk don’t even think about us…..but still a thought of you lets me forget whatever else surrounds me……..

You moved on….live a different life….I am living happily mine ….but somewhere it’s still without you….it gives me signs and tells me “I am incomplete”…

I ignore the thought and move on….make friends do everything but never have experienced that something like love, the way it was with you…….

The feeling is here, right within me….I cherish it…..keep it safe….don’t want ‘this something like love’ to go away from me…..I remember the words you said when you left …..That it’s ‘something like love but not exactly love’………and I know you will never get away and I’ll never let this feeling go……..

I still remember you!!!!!!!!!”

Nov 16 – 12.30 AM

I was in middle of nowhere, all I could see was someone in distant. I have seen her many times, since her face burnt in fire couldn’t recognize her. She was panting heavily, burnt skin all over and bleeding everywhere. She called for help and fainted. I ran towards her and tried to help her stand up. I could feel that she is listening, but her body is not. Her legs lost the strength to hold her up on her own, I am not able lift her up.

I could feel that she is going away. I Yelled out for help. I yelled out till my vocal cord loosed its strength but no one turned out.

My bad, why is it happening to me? I am not able to help the her, being a girl I felt terrible for the first time not having physique to help her. No one was around there, nobody with me too and it looked like a freak show.

All of sudden I heard the call for help, I have turned over and checked who was it. I was shocked; it was the same girl who I was helping to stand up a few seconds ago. She came running towards me and calling for help and fainted. I was confused , Is it the same girl, it was the same burnt face that’s all I can recognize, I turned to check the first girl, she was not there; disappeared.

Where in god’s name she went?

Boom!!! Heavy flash on my eyes, blurred my vision . I couldn’t see the second girl when my vision was cleared.

Oh my god!!! What’s happening………………….?

What was it really happening ? Am I hallucinating? I am clueless

It was so dark, dark enough so that the nearby’s were not visible to ***** eye. I tried to remember how did I end up here in midnight, no idea, not a single thing came up to my mind. Last thing I could remember was having a candle dinner with boyfriend. Not Knowing what to do, all I wanted was to meet my boyfriend and ask what happened. He could help with what happened.

I have picked up my phone and dialled my boyfriend

Honey, Where are you?

It went to a voice message. I rushed to his home , it was locked. I got frustrated and went to all the places that he could be at this time. Bars, Pubs but he was nowhere. May be he went outstation, but he wont go without informing me. I consoled myself saying that , there might be some work emergency for him. I was thinking what to do , then i remember that we meet at Boyu Park every Saturday at 7 am for a long walk. I checked my watch, it said Saturday morning 5 am. I said only two hours to go and started running to the park.

6.30 AM

As usual , the park was bit crowded with elderly people exercising , running and dozens of lovers enjoying time together. This is the park where I first saw my boyfriend , two years ago. He used to Jog daily only for sake of seeing me, he used to follow me like hutch. He used to wear his best jogger costume and run behind me and ogle at me all the time. Initially I didn’t like him, days passed by I liked his sincerity and dedication over me. He used to fight with other guys who ogle at me most of the days and I liked that. I am above average looking girl, 5.6 height, 45 kgs . All my friends say that I have good colour complexion , body structure and good dressing sense. He looked like 5.11 and with great physique.

He said, Hi to me one day, that was the day I remember till now, Dec 16 two years ago nearly one month after I first saw him. Then we slowly become jogging friends, then friends all the time. One fine day , its Feb 14- he proposed me in the same park, where we first met. He gave a greeting card with lot of hearts in it, said I lost my heart, please help me find it . Greeting was with Five Star and a movie ticket. I was over joyed the way he proposed, actually I was waiting for him to propose first, he swept me away from my feet immediately I said, Yes , I Love you too.

Seven past 7.00

My boyfriend came to the park and waved his hand to me, I waved him back. I ran towards him and hugged him very tight. Honey , I miss you , I miss you. Love you my dear. He gave me a deep kiss which was still like a first kiss…

I told him the whole story of what was happening ,about the girl whom i saw twice and couldn’t save and that she was disappeared immediately and i don’t have the clue of how I ended up there. then the places I have searched for him and finally came to park to meet him since its Saturday.

He listened to calm and steady then he hugged me tightly and said honey, I am gonna show you around to some places, come along.

He asked me, what was the last thing I remember ?

I said you and me having a dinner

Honey, Can you look at the dress you are wearing now, and do you remember it, he said

I looked at my dress, it was the dress which i have wore on the day for the dinner. But why am I still wearing it, what happened, its making me harebrained. Honey please tell me what happened. He stared at my eyes , said honey i love you.

You know this place right, he showed me 10 floored building.

I said , yes I do. Its your workplace.

Honey , can you see the broken glass on that floor.

I said no i cant. He said , that is where from I jumped and died yesterday.

He scared me to death, honey what the f..k are you saying, i cant believe you, you committed suicide? Why? Why? I can’t control my tears, he tried to console me but he failed, I am not able to control my tears.

Honey, dont you remember anything on the day of dinner ? he asked. I said “No”, why something bad happened on that day?

Last Proposal

He took me to the place where we had the candle light dinner, I was shocked to see the whole place is burnt up. Honey , on that day, there was fire on the place and whole place burnt up, except the lobby, he said.

I was terrified , slowly started to remember things. We were having dinner on that day, you got a call from work and went up to the lobby. All of sudden fire popped from nowhere to all the place.

Honey, sorry I was helpless, all i could see was you burning in the fire and running for help and fire ingest you. Everyone was holding me back and they assured me that they will save you but they didn’t, he said.

About the girl you saw , it was you who burnt skin all over and bleeding everywhere and running in for help. It was you honey, it was my projection of you that you saw a girl with burnt face running for help . he said to me.

I cant believe him, I totally cant believe what he said, he held my hand and took me to a graveyard, where in the one grave it said, “My Name” and Next grave “My BoyFriend Name”.

On seeing that i totally lost myself, cant control myself.

He gave me greeting card with lot of hearts in it, said I lost my heart, and I found it back . Greeting was with Five Star and a ticket to heaven, He swept me away from my feet second time, immediately I said, Yes…