" Life Of Feeble"
End of the Story¿¡
It was in the middle of the night,a girl at age of 18 was sitting with her phone and earphones on with a music of lights by vexento...listening to it on repeat mode to analyze and take everything happened in her life to her view while her eyes were sparkling to the lights of the night city with a big white moon and stars...the breeze was cold and she was wearing a winter Jacket that would warm her body and earphone to calm her mind...she was sitting on the top floor of a building which is the most tallest building in the country,looks like she sneeked in....She was looking at the bridge which is beneath the sea amd few vehicles travelling on it,the whole city was busy even at this late night..she takes a deep breath continuously gawking at it....(sips her Coffee)
Isn't this world too wide and broad with lots of goods bads and evils...(Smiles sadly) But every bads goes to goods and goods to bads and evil stays at it's place...it's ain't having good nor the bads but always happy with it's place....I wonder why The other two can never be satisfied as the evil...(scoffs)
And there's another special one called the middle who's too good ,too innocent, too cowardly ,too feeble, too anxious, too weak to survive in this world....And unfortunately I'm one in it...one among those who can never say out their feelings....people call us introvert, nerd, cold, innocent , Selfish, Grandiose (scoff again) Sometimes..the one who is too good to survive in this world, sometimes the one who can never think of others feeling....but they'll never know who we are actually..we are filled with all emotions and has become more fragile to handle things on our own....
We ain't introvert ain't An extrovert but too practical and too compressed with our thoughts...(smirks) Why I'm meaning it as "we" when I'm the only one who is here to represent the all above characters!!...What an awful life!! I wonder how people manage to survive here in this big beautiful world...
Cause i find it's really hard really really hard to survive...It makes me remember one of the line I noted deeply in my school science book "survival of the fittest"..I don'tknow what meaningit hold for real but that line got my attention...Only who can fit this world have the opportunityto survive and that's true..I'm not an fit and i can never be one....Everything started wrong and I don't wanna see it end wrong...so, yeah...Now I'm here to atleast end it the way I want .....
The one who doesn't know what I'm feeling right now might take it as a teenage stress and teenage immaturity and anything that could solve my case....And I know that I'm too mature, too pure, too innocent, too friendly and too good to live here....cause if one is of all these too pretty characters then she is definitely too feeble, too foolish, too controlled and too compressed to others, for others and by others....And that's what I meant by an awful life...
My life is like a Ferris wheel, the moment I go up....I've to again come down and reach the ground....What I actually mean is, the unstable, unrealistic, unpredictable can never survive on top not even at bottom...it keeps on rotating and you got no power to stop it until someone turn the trigger back off to stop the wheel and that's what makes me a feeble person.....
Daisy Ferris
I'm Daisy....Daisy Ferris
Daisy Ferris
The thing why I'm here rightnow brushing through all my thoughts is .....................................
Feebleness 1
At school, In the school counselor room..A girl was seated opposite to the counselor...She was looking straight into the eyes of the latter like she has no trust on the person..
School counselor
So MS. Daisy, How are you doing?
Daisy
You might have got the answer,the moment I entered inside ur room...
School counselor
You look so straight forward...
Daisy
No I'm not, I Just want to act like the one I am, atleast when I'm with a stranger....It's soo tough outside...
School counselor
Why do you have to act ???
Daisy
To not get hatred, to not be alone and that I'm always dependent on others... (expressionless)
School counselor
So you mean that you don't care about others by heart and it's just an acting? ( asks fondly)
Daisy
I never meant it that way, I do care and I do support but with no commitments....What people need is not care and support....it's just attention and a commitment and someone to lean on...
School counselor
What makes you think like that??
Daisy
I just think so....(shows a fragile smile) Maybe I'm too practical to be here...maybe I lack sensitive feeling with others...maybe i don't go along well with others...
School counselor
Like Introverted!!
Daisy
(chuckles) I don't think so,Introvert knows to lead his life alone and Extrovert knows to add flavor to life....I'm neither of this...
School counselor
So you are an
Daisy
Ambivert...(Think for a while) Am I??
Daisy Ferris
Am I Ambiverted?....Maybe a little but not totally..we are The one who are left unnoticed cause we are the reason for our raise and fall...We can't stay with a proper mental stability...we are the so called monkey hearts who cannot predict their own action....One moment we like to be here and the other moment we would like to be different or normal...
Daisy Ferris
You might have got it from the way I speak, it's too unstable and confusing....
Daisy Ferris
we have both Introverted and extroverted tendencies but the direction we lean towards varies greatly depending on the situation...we can't trust our own decisions so it's better to not go into an commitment and if it happens...Nothing goes right and will never go right...
Daisy Ferris
We are More like 'temperamental', 'moody', 'unpredictable' and coming to decision taking we would be 'indecisive', 'uncertain', 'undecided'....
Daisy Ferris
Something keeps on rushing through our brain cell to again and again recheck the decision we made that would make us to change it and we again go throught it to only come back to the decision we took before and it would irritate the other who is involved with our decisions....
Daisy Ferris
Ahh!! all of a sudden i feel so special for no reason ( looks at the stars)
School counselor
So Ms. Daisy, Your mom spoke with your home teacher that you bursted out in tears infront of her yesterday and said manythings like you need a new life to start...How do you feel now??
Daisy
You can just straightly mean it as suicide...And I know what answer you got to consult me....and I swear on me that I'll not do anything gibberish,I'm more coward than I look....
Daisy
So you don't have to give me consult regarding that, I just need to die unintentionally and the way that's more unharmful to me...
School counselor
(clearing her throat as Daisy doesn't allow her to give answers) If you don't mind, can I ask you about the matters that concerned you to burst out infront of your mom...
Daisy
(Fidgeting her fingers nervously)... .
Feebleness 2
It was early in the morning,the total neighborhood was silent and in peace with the sound of cock and crow and few water splash sounds outside the house..
But it was not the same from inside, Daisy was sitting on a chair who's floating in her fragile tears which had no more hope on life....Her mom wanted to have a heart to heart conversation and it often happens between them but this time Daisy looks like she's not ready to accept anywords from her mom....
MS. Ferris
What's wrong with you Daisy??what's wrong in those words said by your father, he's concerned that you are 18 and might not be matured to face things and might be caught in a problem....why do you even have to use your phone 24/7??? (shouts)
Daisy
You won't get it mom...it's just I'm done with life (broken than ever)
MS. Ferris
(calms down after seeing her daughter with a fragile tone that leads her eyes to fill with tears too)...
Ms. Ferris made her daughter to sit on a chair and asked fondly...
MS. Ferris
What's going on?? What's concerning you to be this fragile???
Daisy
ME!! It's me who's concerning me...😭 It's me who is breaking me....
MS. Ferris
(waits calmly and Listens to her to open up) What made you think so??
Daisy
I'll just start with the question you asked first....Why do I even have to use phone 24/7?? Do you atleast know that I'm more interested in writing but got no platform and a proper method...Do you know I like dancing but got no proper class??Yeah,you might know this well😭 cause I remember asking you to join me in a dance cls when i was 14 and you replied me " Ok sure dear,but let's wait for a peoper time...you already got more classes in your school"
MS. Ferris
(couldn't remember )
Daisy
and after that i got dismotivated that you would tell me to wait for everything..i even stopped joining in competitions and programms as i lost my interest to get involved in anything....😭 and never brought that topic again but I had a huge cruz on dance at that time....I regret that i didn't join a cls i regret that I'm so undetermined 😭 And that might be the reason i got cruz on the one who could dance sing and exhibit multi- talents ....Now I'm able to understand everything 😭
MS. Ferris
If you are that stubborn than you should have asked me to join in any of the cls right?
Daisy
* I know you would tell this and it's a waste to share my feelings only to hear what i know already*
MS. Ferris
(looking deep into her daughter's eyes)
Daisy
Then what about the cycle, I couldn't even ride one properly and still have troubles in turning it around....and when people ask me, do I know to ride a cycle, I have to say no without my liking and they tease me badly😭 Was that my fault that i never own a cycle during my childhood days???
Daisy
Marsha got her own cycle and she learned to ride cycle then a scooty then a bike....😭 💔 but why can't i still Ride a basic cycle....
Marsha is Daisy's elder sister...
Daisy
😭You tell me to ride a scooty when I'm not even capable of handling a cycle...You know how it felt when all my friends were sharing about their experience of riding a cycle? ...Do you know how it felt when they laugh over me and make fuss of me for being an amateur????😭 It hurts in each and every detail when i think about it mom....Do you want me to explain them,they'll tease me more that i didn't even own a cycle which is one of the memorable thing in one's childhood...
MS. Ferris
Just take it easy baby,you just have to feel happy that others started with a cycle but you are gonna start with a scooty....(tries to calm her but she felt how much weight her daughter was holding in her heart all along)
Daisy
Then what about Marsha,why did she get a cycle?? Why did she even stood still when others teased me for not knowing to ride a cycle?? cause she got everything right and more perfect when I didn't...😭
MS. Ferris
Marsha is not what you see her from out, If the things happened to her repeats to you...you can never handle it (proud of her first daughter)
Daisy
😭(sniff)I'm not comparing me to a neighborhood rich or a poor kid...I'm asking why I'm not having a life like the one who's born with me...😭💔
Daisy
Yeah,she got determination and strength to handle things cause she explored more in her life as she got a big group of peers ...one will teach her to ride bike,one will teach her to handle job,one will treat her to meal and others would cling on her for her beauty....(shouts out loud)
MS. Ferris
You don't know what she faced in....
Daisy
yeah,I know...I know that she's strong and the thing I'm trying to point is why i can't be free like her, why i can't be unbothered about others feeling and care about only my life.... Why i can't disrespect you?? why I'm being soo helpless and dependent on you?? Why i have no hope on life ??😭
MS. Ferris
Who said your sister is like that?? (Raises her one eyebrow)
Daisy
For your kind information,she never bothered about me without expecting anything in return or only shows a show off concern on my birthdays for her posts... (scoffs) She do cares about others but I don't think so if you leave me to her, she would care about me....
MS. Ferris
(sighs ) Why do you think of all these when you are just 18 dear?? We got a good home, stable life...Did you see the family in our neighborhood,Do you have any problems like them?? You don't have to worry about any of these and just try to live happily and make others happy....
Daisy
😶 That's not how I want it to go....I can't be happy and think that my life is perfect when I see no future in it....Everyone got something to keep as a passion when i don't... I'm just afraid that i would end up in a marital commitment and spend my life more like a house maid...I don't want those damn life...I don't want any relationship and I'm not interested in anything or anyone's attention until I find what I want...
MS. Ferris
Then what about me,I too don't
Daisy
Oh!! please stop, mom... You got a hand business to handle and earn money...even if you are left alone you can lead your life through it....Marsha has got her skills to explore in her field even my friends atleast has the determination to do something when i ain't have one...
MS. Ferris
What do you want then???
Daisy
I DON'T KNOW .....I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT AND AT THE SAME TIME I DON'T WANT TO LEARN THAT DOESN'T GET MY INTEREST....
MS. Ferris
Then how do you expect to move on....You need a solution but you don't want to accept which doesn't influence you.....If you say no to everything then what do you want me to do...
Daisy
And that's what I'm telling you and trying to convey....I got nothing and I see no future and I'm not interested in doing house chore or to simply waste your money...so I want this to stop...😭 I want a end and a new start....I feel like wanna finish it all...I feel soo wexed and bored of my life😭 I like an empty can....I don't want to be a burden...it's better to die than to live as feeble.....I can't even remember a simple direction that i visited million times, it's not that i can't do anything but I'm average at everything that it leads only to destruction....
MS. Ferris
Then try to learn something,learn new things regarding your field...You can search it on social media...you got everything that you need....
Daisy
(silent) * And those were the words I expected to hear*
MS. Ferris
From today,start to play out with your neighbors and have more contacts with your friends and buy whatever you like unbothered of money...we are here to let you explore the bliss of life...why do you feel concerned about money??
Daisy
(Looks blankly at the floor as she knows that was not the thing she wanted)
MS. Ferris
We'll search for a class to spend your leisure time usefully 😊 We'll keep you busy and I'll make sure that my daughter is okay with her life...
School counselor
So,Did you join a class? Did you find what you want?
Daisy
(laughs sarcastically)...
Download MangaToon APP on App Store and Google Play
