Have your hands ever trembled when it held a simple piece of paper?

Eleanor Lopez thought as she took a full gulp of her whiskey, filling not only her stomach but her mind with the brandy drink, hopefully she could drown her troubles with this translucent drink. There was a lot of bustling in her back, but she felt it like buzzing sounds not worth her attention.

Her mind travelled back to few days ago when she stepped into the doctor's office to receive her results for her routine medical check up. Who could have thought that her world would crumble down her feet from the moment she held that stack of paper.

"According to the results, you're HIV positive."

The three letters words "HIV" echoed in her mind like the trumpets ringing nonstop, clanging sounds that couldn't deafen her, yet she felt that she had become dumb and deaf the moment the doctor slowly told her the results of her routine medical checkup.

"How is that possible?"

She knew that question seemed stupid as the doctor didn't even know her, he only collected her results and kindly explained everything to her like a doctor would do. He wasn't supposed to give her any explanation, but remind her of the virus that had installed itself in her body without her consent.

How ironic, Eleanor thought.

If viruses requested once permission before it installed itself, would anyone have been affected with the deathly disease? Its existence was mysterious and enigmatic, plunging one in a lonely world,till they lost a reason to ever live.

Her legs had gone weak, but she was still able to stand still, reading her results God knows how many times and requesting thesame question.

' How is it possible?'

She might seem paranoia for requesting an answer to such an obvious question, but she knew she wasn't. Eleanor Lopez had always been a clean freak, dodging dirt as if it depended on her life to be clean. It wasn't that she was scared of any disease like HIV which couldn't even attain her through dirt.

She was just Eleanor, a clean freak.

"Miss, this is not the end of the world, you can still have a normal life as long as you follow your treatment?"

The doctor tried to comfort her as much as he could, but it was to no avail. He couldn't understand what it felt like to be affected without a reason. HIV was either sexually transmissible, through blood transfusion or a pest of insect carrying it from one person to the other. But Eleanor knew she hadn't been affected because of a mere tiny mosquito, neither had she gotten it through sex.

Afterall, she was still a ******, she hadn't gone to that level of her relationship where she went beyond holding hands and sharing a kiss with her boyfriend. She was grateful that he was a considerate and comprehensive boy friend.

He choosed her from a million girls who had wished to be with her, loved and cherished her like a treasure. She had been planning to finally give herself to him on his birthday, but now she was...

HIV positive

She wished there was another explanation or it was a mistake, but no it wasn't. She was indeed HIV positive, carrying in her a virus that no one would want to die with even in their most darkest nightmare.

She walked out of the doctor's office, her heart shattered into million pieces, she only hoped that a hand would pull her for a warm hug and tell her.

' It's fine Eleanor, hold on, I'm here, we would overcome this together.'

But she was alone in this world, with no one to hold her hand or place a hand on her forehead when she was sick. The only home she had was in the old orphanage, but that orphanage had long fallen into ruins.

However, she managed to pull through, got herself in the best university through her excellent results, worked part time jobs for a living and sharing a room with her bestie.

Bestie?

She wished she hadn't acknowledged that girl as her bestie,she wished she had never saved her life in the cold street at the risk of losing hers. If only she had known who were her real friends from the start, she wouldn't feel the crushing feeling of her heart being walked on.

What bestie

What an ironic view of a best friend, Eleanor thought as a bitter smile curled her plump sexy lips.

She still recalled how she did everything for that so called best friend, taking the biggest risk for her only to brutally stroke by her envious cruelty.

How could you?

Eleanor had asked Vivian as tears gathered in her eyes, hoping the truth wasn't as it seemed. But Vivian's voice came after a sneer.

"Why shouldn't I? You're merely a picked up street girl with no identity,why should you have everything that I can't get as the doctor's daughter?"

A doctor's daughter and an orphan who was picked up from the street without identity. This was the brief truth about her and Vivian, but she was glad that her best friend never felt bothered by it.

At least, she had thought, until the day her so called best friend used her privilege as a doctor's daughter to contaminate her blood with that of an HIV patient, causing her to be infected as well. 

She tossed her chestnut hair elegantly walked towards Eleanor with a victorious smile.

"That's the privilege of being doctor's child."

Eleanor had felt her blood boiling in rage when Vivian proudly acknowledged her deeds without any remorse in her eyes. Not a single moment did she feel hurt for have destroyed her life, but she seems to be celebrating her downfall as if she had been waiting for this moment all her life. 

Maybe it was indeed the fact, maybe Vivian had indeed hated her for a whole of their childhood, but she was just too blind to see those things.

"You're so despicable!", Eleanor yelled, but her voice went hoarse due to her crying, however Vivian wasn't affected, but she sneered even more.

"Humph, you're the one who's affected with a despicable disease, stop trying to find faults with others.

"You ...", Eleanor lifted up her hand to hit Vivian in anger, but her hand was held mid air by a familiar presence.

"You ...

"You..."

He stood still, holding her hands strongly, so firmly that she felt her bones silently crack, but he didn't seem to bother. His violet eyes were cold and piercing through her like a spear, it was nothing compared to the warm expression that accentuated his beautiful charms.

He looked like a beast ready to tear its prey into several unrecognizable pieces. He was nothing of the gentle and considerate boy friend with whom she had dated with for five good years. The more she struggled to get rid of his monstrous grip, the more he tightened his grip. Ignoring her plea and tears of pain from betrayal, he continued tightening his grip on hers.

"James, what are you doing, it hurts."

"Hmph, does it?", James sneered are before Eleanor could understand the situation, he had tossed her to the floor and looked down on her like dirt.

"James, you..."

   Eleanor was cut off her words by his simple gesture, if it had been that simple she wouldn't have even noticed it. But the man she loved actually took out a tissue to wipe his hands, as if he had been touched by the most disgusting thing.

His once admiration, turned into disgust as he threw the disposable tissue on her face.

"I should have been blind when I chased and wooed you. Who could have known that you were just an HIV carrier."

His words pierced her heart like a spear, it was even more painful than the first time she had heard it from the doctor's words. His lips seems to be carrying millions blades that slowly cut her body, causing it to bleed nonstop.

You're aware.", The words escaped her lips even before she could give it a second thought.

"If I didn't discover it by others, would you have kept it away from me, or would you have transferred it to me."

"No!"

She denied it, but the moment she looked into his eyes, her words dried down in her throat. A knot was tied in her stomach and she felt her mind become blurry with time. She didn't know if it was one of the symptoms of HIV but it was an unbearable feeling she had never felt before.

"I don't want to have anything to do with a person like you."

A person like her, she thought in pain.

It was even more painful than just discovering that she had been diagnosed as an HIV patient. Though she had seen it coming, she still had hopes that James who had confessed love so many times to her wouldn't just abandon her like that. 

What about the promises he made never to leave her even if the world abandoned her. Now the world seems to have abandoned her, but he was also going to leave, leave as if he had never been there.

"We're breaking up."

He had finally said it, but her heart had already gone numb from the disgust he revealed not long. She was already prepared for the worst, yet she wasn't sure if she would ever be ready for the worst.

She wanted to ask if his love and promises were all fake. Was their love so fragile that he would walk away at the first trouble that befall her. 

Without looking back he stumped outside, followed by the flirtatious bestie. Oh no, ex bestie, the reason behind her nightmare and the reason why she felt that life was no longer worth an effort.

Her lifeless body curled down on the cold parquet, getting blurrier as warm liquids dropped on it. She hadn't even realised when her tears started flowing, but it had already filled her eyes.

She still recalled the first time she met James.

It was in a cold afternoon in highschool, when the campus had almost been emptied with few students roaming around because they didn't bring an umbrella to mock at the pouring rain.

He stood by the pillar with ear pieces, plugged in his ears. She couldn't tell for how long he had been standing there, but she later heard from others that he had been staring at her for god knows how long before he decided to make a move towards her.

"Hey, I'm James, can I share an umbrella with you?"

He requested and she recalled rejecting his request politely that day. She had to share an umbrella with Vivian who came later, she was the type who kept friendship ahead of love.

Maybe their romance started that day or the day he started to chase after her,woo her until she had said yes.

They dated for quite long, but never went beyond holding hands, until she decided to give him her first kiss on his nineteenth birthday. It was an innocent and inexperienced kiss, but James had held the back of her head, pulling her body closer to his. He kissed her till she was out of breath before he finally let go. Her lips had been swollen by his rough kiss, still she loved him because he was hers and she was his.

They even promised to get married once they graduated from the university, but everything turned out to be her wishful thinking. She had been the only stupid girl who dreamt of a fairy tale.

Vivian betrayed her brutally and the love of her life abandoned her like a piece of trash, rumours of her HIV results circulated in the school campus and everyone avoided her like pest. Her once glorious life was nothing more than a stain that no one dared to touch. They avoided her as if they feared getting infected by just staying three meters closer to her. 

She was no longer the school bell, but the school virus as others had often whispered loudly.

Reason why she still sat in that dimly lit bar, drowning herself in alcohol until she was unable to tell what was good or wrong. Many boys eyed her with lust, but who dared come close to an HIV positive.

The moment she had stepped in the bar, she didn't mind proudly saying about her infection. At least there was one advantage of being infected with this virus.

Eleanor smiled bitterly as she looked at the last drink of whiskey in the translucent glass. In just one gulp she would have been able to finish it, but she had only hoped that a single drink of it could drown all her troubles.

She lifted up her glass to finish the last drink, unexpectedly her hands were empty, she hadn't even realised when a pair of hand had taken away her drink. She lifted her head to look at the plump, but beautiful figure in front of her, but her eyes were a little blurry, as if two figures appeared to watch her with pity.

Pity?

That's the last expression she ever wished to see, pity, such an awful feeling.

Birds chirped, flying off a window pane as soon as it was frightened by the white curtains. On an average size bed, Eleanor's beautiful features radiated with the sun beaming slightly through the curtains.

She frowned with a groan and lazily opened her baby blue eyes, her long eye lashes fluttered with a little bit of reluctance to see the light beaming through the curtains. She didn't struggle out of bed as soon as she opened her eyes to scan the surrounding. Her eyes first caught the huge teddy bear at the vicinity, few stickers and frames of hello kitty and barbie the princess.

' Did I travel back in time?'

She thought, hoping that she might have as well travelled back in time when she was still young and naive. In those days when she loved cuddling a plushie to sleep, but could only hold a tattered hand made plushie. Life was hard at the orphanage and she had to rush every morning in order to get some sandwiches, a rare type of breakfast at the old orphanage.

Now that she recalls about that old orphanage,she came to realize that she really hadn't travelled back in time, her body was still thesame, infected with HIV. 

She was still....HIV positive.

Eleanor thought sadly, lifting her delicate hands to look at her slender fingers. It was still her old self, the one who got tricked, betrayed and hit on the wall by her bestie.

Bestie?

Eleanor sneered at such a title that was nothing more but a thorn in heart, with each passing memories that should have been a dazzling light to her cold and dark world. Now it was nothing more but a sour feeling, cutting her heart inch by inch, letting her savour the pains as if it were a sort of glory and an honor.

Eleanor felt like pulling out her heart to see if it actually had some sort of cuts. However, it was only her desperate thoughts rendering her helpless to the cruel reality.

Ten Years, ten years without denial she had been friends with Vivian, but those ten years of friendship was nothing but a worthless meaning to Vivian, while she had treasured it more than her life, the other party probably sneered at her with mockery. Laughing loud at her naivety, yes indeed she had been naive.

Naive to not have realized that the world was far more mysterious and cruel than she had thought and it was her mistake, a mistake that cost her life. Pushing her deeper into an abyss of no return.

As these thoughts forcefully swirled in every inch of her soul and mind like a poisonous gas, the door of the room was finally pushed open. Revealing the face of a girl in her early twenties, she was dressed in a flouncy pink gown, her chestnut hair was styled in a single braid, giving off her youthfulness. A pair of innocent eyes, adorable large velvet eyes which enchanted other's will to protect her. Her face immediately beamed with a smile upon having an eye contact with Eleanor's baby blue eyes.

A smile curled her plumpish lips up for a sincere smile as she didn't waste time to take long strides towards her.

"You're finally awake... You got me worried sick laying lifeless and desolate, but I'm glad you're finally awake... it's really good that you're fine... Tell me if you feel uncomfortable anywhere... Oh right you must be hungry after throwing up so much... should I get you something to eat... what exactly would you like to eat."

In just a few seconds the excited girl had spouted so many in a single breath, causing Eleanor to feel a slight headache. She frowned, but didn't say anything, raising her hand to her brows,she slightly pinch them with her thumb and index finger. 

It wasn't because she felt headache from a hangover, but she just felt that a parrot has been placed in-between her brain as it never ceased.

' Does she never get tired?'

Eleanor thought to herself, giving a deaf ear to the blabbering girl by her side. Yet she just couldn't ignore the shattering voice by her side. She had never been one with several words before, so she simply reprimanded the girl with her voie neither low nor high.

"Oh please cut it,Loli."

There was finally a moment of silence, which barely lasted a few seconds.

"Sorry beauty Ellie, I know you don't talk too much, but I..."

"Loli!", Eleanor reprimanded once again, guessing that the shattering would still take another while to subside.

"Fine, I'll be good, but can you not call me Loli, it Lilian."

"Fine,Loli."

Okay, now Lilian was really speechless, not only were her words treated as air, but she could do nothing but acquiesce to the desires of the campus belle with her expression full of indignance.

Even as such she still couldn't get angry at Eleanor's aloof attitude towards her. They both weren't close to begin with, but she had the privilege to receive guide from the campus genius and each of them was worth it. Her relationship with Eleanor could be said to be that of a senior and junior, though it never went beyond that. Eleanor had always been very kind and considerate towards her. Unlike her friend who always seemed to wear a mask all day. Stuffing her face with cosmetic products and mascara to look prettier than her goddess. 

Lilian always sneered at her as she knew that no matter what Vivian did, whether plastic surgery or makeup, she would never be a match to beauty Ellie. Wether in terms of beauty, popularity, talents or education. Vivian was definitely not her match and everyone had always admired her.

However, things suddenly changed as rumours circulated that beauty Ellie had been infected with HIV. This news caused an uproar on campus and had soon become a trending topic on campus. Those who had been jealous of her fame took it as an opportunity to slander her, saying that she had sold herself for money and ended up with HIV.

'Tsk, I always knew she had a dirty secret,how can they be a perfect someone, absolutely unreasonable.'

' What a pity, such a pretty face, yet a filthy body.'

' Aiyo, are you regretting something, becareful you might be infected if your imagination runs wild.'

' Just a fantasy she's now nothing but a poisonous rose, who dares go close to her?'

' She deserves it, I heard her boyfriend broke up with her.'

' Isn't it normal, James is such an outstanding person, how can he have a filth of girlfriend. He deserves better than that.'

Many other negative comments came flooding from students, most of which had relied on Eleanor to succeed, yet couldn't wait to slander her without an ounce of guilt.

Lilian's fist clenched and she had to bit her lips in order to suppress the urge of cursing the people who kept slandering her beauty Ellie. However, she too much of a coward and could only stump out in anger.

Those words made her so angry that she felt her heart racing at a fast pace, but then, what about her beauty. 

How was she take it?

Lilian wanted to ask, but as she recalled the scene where Eleanor was drowning her pains in alcohol, she, the earlier words were swallowed back,then she stirred at Eleanor curiously,yet with a heart ache. And when she least expected, Eleanor lifted her head and looked straight at her with her baby blue eyes.  Beautiful pair of eyes that could charm anyone, making them unable to look away, yet she to look at it too long.

"Do you have my phone?"

Eleanor suddenly asked without blinking, As if her question was normal, but was it really a normal reaction?

Lilian thought intently.