One day during our celebration of sixth grade in elementary I played the role as a giving person and I foolishly thought that it was true since others said so.

I know a ton of person who likes to cover up their true selves and make a perfect mask to wear, surprisingly I was one too. Ever since I was young I never dared to be myself infront of anyone "since I'll get scolded" I thought. Dealing with a girl's mood swing was tougher than I thought since the are five girls (including me) in a family of seven. We sure did went through hell, every single day you'll hear objects breaking and flying, shouting and crying. I probably suffered a lot less cause I have a long gap from my sister but it was still basically the same.

Every evening one of our uncle is drunk and he sways a large knife (probably has long as a katana but a lil wide) eventually he died. Everyday we'll hear scoldings even though we didn't do anything wrong and we learnt everything from the threatening treatment (basically from fear).

We all had great achievements in school academics or sports but my siblings were true to themselves. We were like young masters provided with everything including nannies but nothing comes for free.

I was treated a lil better cause of the trends these days and I had quite the shitty personality. I'd probably ace the seven deadly sins but since I was still young back then they didn't think about it.

I became aware of my attitude at 6 (my first year at school) and ever since then I treated my family has a stranger, person outside of the house and be a goody - two - shoes. The opinion of me changed and I became quite famous in our school, scouted as a representative immediately though no one really knows me. I bet my parent's popularity and influence brought me this but I despised them so I tried to do everything on my own.

I never relied on my parents, I buy my own stuff, take care of my self, do projects by my own and yet I was successful. I became a kind, giving, understanding, smart person an image of a goddess is what my classmates described me as (and what I known myself as from then on). Though I'm the opposite of me and I realised that during a rehearsal for our graduation.

I was first chosen as the a character full of joy and sadness next love and hate then became giving and greed. Everyone was confused cause they don't me which role should I play cause ^I was excellent in giving happiness and love^. But I was never that kind of person at home. I despised everyone at home, they would judge with baseless evidence talk behind someone's back and always complain about spending too much money though they were the only one's spending.

I earned the money that I spend by myself so I don't needs anyone's help and yet being the youngest I still ended up as the counselor. I wasn't surprised that we have a messy family though on the outside we look like angels cause of what happened to my aunts and granmas. Death was only a meaningless word for the term escape and peace is what I thought. But I never did made false accusations or judge them by their attitude and appearance cause I knew who I am though I pick fights and intentionally let my grades fall down by a centimeter to challenge my self.

So I just got used to all my family's complaints and problems over time. Cause it seems like they always wanted to let their kids experienced what they had.

I used to hear things let it slip through, see things but ignored it, wanted something but pretended that I didn't and avoided unnecessary conflict by carrying myself with poise and by achieving things on my own. Spent more time with myself just to understand others better because it's not always true that one's language mirrors the soul and one's bearing mirrors his dignity. Also I hater books so I only carry one medium sized which contents are all summarize lol.