It's kind of awkward but true that our species are more emotional , sensible , sensitive and more easily hurt .

Our race is called HUMAN . Humans are the most gebied type of species that has been ever recognized on the planet earth .

Today sitting on the green pastures under the stary sky which surroundes the moon and listening to the breezes what they are whispering in the ears of the saplings doesn't annoys me anymore because to heal yourself it is the best remedie which one can give itself .

According to our zoadic sign which is Sagittarius is said to be that the person who posses this sign is always high spirited , ambitious and never gets defeated easily but the person may be hurt easily , are sensitive and they never easily forgive the person but try to overcome it . They are the most friendly creature ever found on the land , they can do anything for the person who believes them and there are many more good and bad sayings . But the one that suits me is that they are mostly ambivert .

I am Ella Riz Rubinson a seventeen year eight months old girl with light brown eyes with light brown hair till my shoulders with fair skin colour, height of about one seventy eight centimeters with a tomboy styling sense . I live in Canada with my parents and my little younger brother Jo Rubinson. I think Jo and I are more like friends then sister and brother. But still Jo is my younger brother I can't share everything to him . So I have got two best friends Muffen and Christian. They both are my my childhood friends. We don't have too many pictures together but have built many unlimited memories .

Well I have to tell this that accept my best friends no one dare to call me Riz even not my brother .

Even though I have got everyone but still I feel lonely, empty , scared and want to escape. I pretend to be strong but I am not that strong to hold back for long . I always find myself in a room where there is only darkness and people trying to laugh at me by making me feel embarrassed. Until now I always have been trying to keep up with everyone but I don't know how long I can keep up.

If you ask me how I am?

My answer will be I am soul broken. I have always heard a saying the greatest healer in the world is time . Time heals everything but it always left a scare that will bring back the bad memories only . After that wound you either will become weak or rather you become strong .

After that wound there is so much that is unsaid . You can only keep it up to you , you are afraid of every single thing that it can ruin everything.

I remembered a six year old girl standing in front of a male and female . I could see her rosy cheeks were ruined by the tears rolling down her numb watery eyes which were almost swollened and red . The male was standing infront of her and shouted loudly and harshly at the girl and said "Will you speak the hell out or do you want to get beated out with my that black leather ballet ?"

The female said nothing accept standing there and watch her husband scolding her daughter for the mistake that she hasn't done .

The little girl wanted to speak that she hasn't done any crime or wrong doing but she couldn't . She was scared to the death as if she would say out everything she would loose everything in a moment so she just stayed silent .

The little girl wanted to ask her mother ,"Mom , Why were you just standing there ?

Why didn't you not argued to dad that I am not wrong ?

Why are you doing this dad ?

I am not wrong, please don't treat me like this , dad why don't you try to understand me a little bit ,am I that bad in your eyes ? "

There were thousands of 'Why' but to that thousands there were no answers not even to a single one .

She was desperately searching for the answers to prove herself wrong but found no answers. Time flies but somethings never changes that's her questions that were still unanswered.

She was growing under the tender shades of love but not understanding .

I still remember at her tenth birthday she was playing around her little brother and suddenly her brother broke her favorite barbie doll that was gifted by her grandmother. Seeing this she became angry and scolded him while she was scolding him her father overheard the conversation and came to her and slapped her and said if you don't want to destroy your birthday then behave properly around .

She said to her father ,' dad this wasn't my mistake he was the one who broke my doll ." Her father in anger saud you will never change yourself always arguing with your elders and will never accept that you were wrong .

That words hurt her more than her broken doll.

I think with the broken doll she was also broken only some pieces of her were together otherwise she was all broken like that doll.

After her father left she ran desperately towards the bathroom and locked herself .

She laid her back against the wall and slowly slowly slipped towards the floor . She pulled her head towards her bended knees and toom the support of her arms and then slowly slowly the tears rolled down her eyes as if just like the water running down the mounts her tears can't stop . She wanted to know why did again this happen to her , she was not wrong then why did her dad scolded ?

I was watching her closely by being by her side but couldn't do anything accept consoling her .

She said to herself that ,'Dad didn't scold her he just asked her to behave properly.' But she was knowing that she was just trying to make herself comfortable by lieing to herself but deep down she was hurt badly she wanted to ask her father why only her , Why didn't he just scolded him and so many things but again she choose to stay silent and keep it to herself and bear the pain alone.

At that time she was all alone and a mindful of questions was not knowing how to face those questions that were trowing her apart .

A small young mind full of disastrous questions can either let you to change yourself or either you yourself only changes you .

Although it's a bit funny but at that moment she thought that she was adopted because those unanswered questions let her think that her parents are always abandoning her.

Well this thought is much similar to mine when I was young .

She has few friends whom she thinks that they will always be by herside .She use to enjoy there company . They use to study together, have fun together , play together, have lunch together and many more .

In the group of friends there were three boys and two girls .

Jimmy was tallest one and hella funny type , James was a bit arrogant but was friendly , Robert was a hard working and good at studies , Sammy was a bright student with a high sense of fashion and technologies. Sammy is always all crazy about latest technologies but was a bit proud of herself that she the richest among the all .

In there company her time passes by slowly .When she was with them she use to be her real self . She was more close to Robert because they were childhood friends. Robert use to live in her neighborhood only. They were classmates also . She was the first one to approach Robert . They use to sit next to each other both of them were growing up together looking at them one can say that Robert was her Oppa (in Korean Oppa means elder brother).

Until the day Robert just changed his neighborhood because his dad got the transfer to another town .

The day he left since then she was scared , she was afraid of making new friends because she use to think that everyone will abandon her . After Robert left , the rest of the friends also started to avoid her .

It was the worse time for her because she was so miserable after Robert moved out and her friends also abandoned her she was left all alone until the day she met a girl who made her realize that not everyone will be the same , not every friend will leave her . The girl and she became so close that they spend most of their time with each other.They both knew each other's every little secret either it was about their mom dad or their friends. She was now becoming better in the girl's company and now also she she started making new friends. Although she has got many friends but she only has one faithful ,real and true friend that was the girl. While she was making new friends she also came across a classmate from her primary school. They both use to be classmates for years but suddenly she changed her school so they were not anymore together.

After almost six years they again met. Now the girl, she and her her new friend the boy from primary school were the only friends that she was having . The girl and the boy was always by her side in every situation whatever it was , even if it was difficult then also they both stayed her side . Although they were always by her side but still she was unable to share somethings to them that was slowly slowly killing her inside only . She was getting the love but not the love , trust and understanding she wanted . She always use to ask herself why are you like this , why are you afraid and of what are you afraid of . Just being abandoned , avoided by everyone are you afraid of this then just die like this only .

There were so mang questions like this. That was eating her up and letting her die slowly slowly. As the time passing by she was developing a hobby or should I call it a habit of crying at nights and giving fake smile and pretending to be happy. Her inner heart was knowing what she has become . She was slowly developing thanatophobia (a fear of loosing everything either it's their loved ones or anyone else ). It was not that serious so she took it as granted she knew that she can be cured but decided to stay silent .