In the span of a month, Kaitlyn had settled into the role of my secretary and has become another part of my life.

Though that still didn’t remove my suspicion of her. In fact, I have grown more suspicious of her.

I always feel that she has something against me.

It seemed as though she was out to get me, and that everything bad that was happening to me was her doing. I know I’m being overly paranoid about her being responsible for everything horrible, but it sure seems like it.

Anything unfortunate of going downhill for me seems to make her smile.

And yet, I could do nothing about it, I couldn’t fire her, not without my mother’s permission.

I tried. Multiple times.

“Oh Honey, Kaitlyn is a delightful girl. I’m sure your just too paranoid. All that overworking must be going to your head.”

“But-“

“You are not going to fire Kaitlyn! You need a sweet girl in your life.”

And that was that.

Kaitlyn more or less had become a solid fixation in my life. Whether I liked it or not.

The only positive thing about having Kaitlyn around was the fact that she kept Mother from pestering me about finding my soulmate.

It was as though she had believed I was going to fall in love with my secretary. Not in a million years.

She was reading too much of her romance novels again.

I have no idea why the blonde seems to have it out for me.

I don't recall how I could have offended her in any way.

I have never met Kaitlyn Smint before and I have little to no association with the Smint's Shoe corporation.

I sighed.

I must bear it.

...

This was tough. I was never one to confront others and this time it was somebody I would possibly be stuck with for a while.

"So, Ms. Smint,,," We definitely weren't close enough to call each other by our first names.

"Is there a problem. Any trouble at work, anything you're not satisfied with?"

She turned her nose up at me. Yeah. She definitely dislikes me.

I ran a hand through my hair.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" I asked, tentatively.

She looked at me. Was it me or did her eyes soften? No. it must have been my imagination.

I almost smiled but I suppressed it.

Then she spoke.

"No. I'm fine."

I frowned. Here I thought we were growing closer.

Later I saw that she was being harassed by other staff. Swooped into the situation to fire and lecture them.

Afterwards, she smiled and thanked me.

And although I would never admit this to anyone else, I secretly thought that she looked very pretty with her eyes creased in gratefulness and with her pink lips curved upwards.

And even better was that for the first time since meeting her, she didn't look up at me with dislike, hatred, or disgust and that she wasn't smiling at my expense.

I spent the day skipping happily from place to place.

...

Present

He couldn’t.

He didn’t.

I felt so ashamed.

How could I fall in love with my best friend’s love?!

If they weren’t together, heck, if they were just dating, it would be a little less horrible. But of course, I had to realize my feelings just when the two were getting married.

Naturally I knew that I couldn’t pursue Kaitlyn.

Yet when I see the two of them together it twisted my heart.

When had my feelings for Kaitlyn grown so strong?

I didn’t know, but I knew I was in love...

I tried I really tried.

Kaitlyn was Monty’s secretary. And as the CEO of Smile I saw them every single day.

It was excruciating.

The way Monty would smile at her and the way she smiled back.

How their fingers laced together and their excitement when working together.

And by the end of the day I would look into her eyes searching for something, anything, and find nothing.

I returned her gaze with my own, impersonal and cold.

And when I was with Monty all I could feel was guilt.

I felt terrible, laughing by his side and being happy, when I knew about the feelings I harbor.

...

“Kaitlyn will you marry me?!”

I could hear my own voice, low and hopeful. Yet in my heart I felt empty and sad.

Her yellow eyes lit up and her cheeks flushed, yet I felt nothing.

She jumped into my arms, which were already out stretched and waiting.

I expected to feel her warm body against mine, but instead, I felt cold.

A heavy weight laid in my head and made my eyes hurt.

Then I saw him.

Monty stood there watching, and I could hear his heart cracking bit by bit.

Then he shattered into a million pieces.

And I awoke...

I abruptly sat up, trembling. I could smell my sweat. My hair, my arms, my hands all smelled sour, they all smelled of sweat.

I knew.

I knew.

I knew.

I knew what would happen if I did.

But if I didn’t...

What do I do?

...

“Hey, Monty.”

He looked at me.

“Yes.”

He was still smoky and happy and cheerful, which were all, no doubt, due to love.

I swallowed.

“Um...Monty, about Kaitlyn, I...”

Monty was still smiling like an idiot, and he didn’t have a clue about what I was going to say to him.

I couldn’t.

I can’t.

I wouldn’t  wipe that smile off his face.

“...was wondering how the wedding planning was coming along.” All fake and plastic.

Monty didn’t notice.

He beamed.

And right then, I knew that I didn’t care about making the right choice or the wrong one, all I could think of is that I made Monty smile, and I made him happy and that was all that mattered.

I would smother my feelings for Kaitlyn, I had to. Because for all of her beauty and intelligence and kindness, I knew Monty deserved her more than I ever could.

She was happy with Monty. Monty was happy with her.

So I would be happy too.

Natso decided that the best way to sever all affection for a person was to avoid them completely.

(He should have known better. Fate was clearly out to get him if it had him fall in love with his best friend’s girlfriend.)

So he avoided Kaitlyn like the plague, and though there were often instances where they had to interact, Natso made sure that the times when they came into contact, were brief and impersonal.

It was only after a month of the charade, and when people began to notice the awkward interactions between them, did Natso realize that it wasn’t working.

“Soso, are you doing okay? You’ve been acting a little weird these days and I can’t stop worrying about you.” Monty said, using Natso’s nickname.

Natso rolled his eyes at the name.

They both knew he wasn’t just so-so.

“Don’t worry. I’m completely fine, Mom.” Sometimes Monty was just too much of a mother hen.

They both knew it, but Monty still glared playfully at him.

“Really Natso, You’ve been acting strange...Are you sure you’re fine? Now that I think about it, you’ve been acting up for a while, I guess I’ve just been so caught up with wedding plans and all...”

Natso couldn’t keep his heart from bleeding at those words.

Worse was the fact that despite his efforts his affections had not died down, in fact, they have grown stronger, making the pain in his heart grow stronger.

He didn’t understand.

 He couldn’t.

All he wanted right now was to ruin the wedding and disregard the existence of Monty’s and Kaitlyn’s relationship.

He felt disgusted with himself.

He knew better than to listen to his heart.

Only following his head could he escape disaster and a broken heart.

And felt that love was nothing like in the novels, shows, and stories.

Where were the pink sparkles and music and the flowers?

Where were the warm feelings and sweet moments and overwhelming joy?

He could not see the good in love.

He fell in love with Kaitlyn, yet it has only brought him suffering.

When he looked into her eyes he could only feel the guilt and shame he had because of his feelings.

She was beautiful and pretty and attractive, but it was a type of visual appeal that everyone saw.

Natso knew that Kaitlyn could be kind and good, yet what made him shine to him, only to him, he couldn’t see.

He didn’t want to see.

He had already gone in too deep, too far, probably overreaching the boundaries. He had to stop.

For Kaitlyn and all her allure was not worth all the heartbreak and sadness and distress.

He knew if he continued in with his feelings than it would lead to inevitable doom.

Self-loathing.

Disgust.

Betrayal.

Secrets.

Hurt.

Sadness.

Despair.

Jealously.

Love was suffering and he only ended up hurt and sad. His interactions with his supposed love.

If love was like this then he would prefer to not love at all.

Or so he thought.